Dating with a 10 yo son

Heather - posted on 04/04/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son's father & I broke up when my son was 1. While he was growing up, I rarely dated, but when I did, I never found anyone that made me feel the way I knew I wanted to feel in order to pursue a relationship AND introduce him to my son.

Fast forward several years...my son is 10, and I have met a man that makes me feel like the most special woman in the world. He is everything I ever dreamed of and also what I never thought existed (they are still out there, just keep looking!). I have never brought another man into my son's world, so this is all new to him. I have introduced them, but I feel like my son thinks he will be betraying his father if he likes my new boyfriend. Any advice on how to have a conversation with my son?

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Michelle - posted on 04/04/2016

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Raye had a lot of good advice.
I would also let him know that your boyfriend is in no way trying to take his Father's place. Let him know that your BF will be another man in his life that he can talk to and have fun times with.

Raye - posted on 04/04/2016

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How much, if any, has the bio-father been involved in the child's life? Try not to push your son too hard. You like this new man, and that's great, but take it slow. If he's the one, he'll allow time for your son to come around to the idea of a step-father. Take the time for you and this guy to really get to know one another's opinions on parenting, and make sure you're on the same page. During this time, also just talk to your son. Don't assume you know his feelings, ask questions. Start a conversation with something like "I really like (new man) but I want to know what you think..." and wait for his response. Let your son know that you will love him no matter what, and no one will change that. Don't try to convince him that nothing will change, because things will change. Don't try to sugar-coat it too much. Let him know, if he's upset about the situation, he doesn't have to be afraid to talk to you. Make sure, if he does say something negative not to automatically get defensive and go into "what I say goes" mode. Really try to listen and see if there's anything you can do to help him adjust. If he really doesn't like your new man, tell him you will consider his feelings, but until you make a decision, he needs to try to get along.

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Heather - posted on 04/05/2016

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Thanks, Michelle! I have explained that my bf will never replace his dad, but I like the way you explain it...'another man in his life that he can talk to and have fun times with'. My son does have fun with him, but I feel like he thinks he is betraying his father when he is having a good time with my bf.

Heather - posted on 04/04/2016

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My son's father & I split custody, so he is with me for a week, then with his father for a week. This is wonderful advice, and I thank you so much!

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