Daughter 11, suddenly seems like she doesn't like me.

Craig - posted on 10/11/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So I know this is a mom's group, but I'm the dad and I thought you all might shed some light on my issue. I have a beautiful 11 old daughter who is a straight A student. She is never disrespectful or causes any problems what so ever. The problem is lately (6 months) she has become extremely withdrawn and I feel that I am not liked anymore. She use to be my partner, always hanging out and full of hugs and I love you's. Not any more and I feel very very sad about it. She is fine with her friends, but her sister and my wife have definitely noticed a change. Well, I hope someone will tell me it's just hormones and all will get better soon.

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Amanda - posted on 10/11/2016

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Our oldest has done the same thing. (I'm the step-parent) I think it is just them starting to change. If her grades are still good and all that I wouldn't worry to much. I know when I was around that age my mother and I started to become distant. I was still close with my father, but 11-13 really hits some kids. When I was around that age, between body changes, seeing boys and myself differently and kids forming "clicks" I was kinda depressed. I didn't want my parents to worry so I became distant, but because of how I was feeling I was short tempered and so was my mother because of how I was. That was why we fought.

I had to sit down with our son and be absolutely honest with him. I told him flat out that I felt that he hated me, and that I knew it wasn't just him. I admitted to be short tempered with him, but it was because he was acting so differently lately. I told him that I loved him, and that I miss him. I told him that it wasn't something that could be fixed overnight or by just me or just him. So from now on if he is being rude or acting out of sorts I tell him "Think for a second, and answer again." and he does the same for me if I get short with him or angry. We make each other stop and think. It has helped and we are getting much better. Some days it is like it use to be, but some days are hard. The biggest thing is allowing him to feel like an adult and have some control over the situation, but also have him open to checking himself and think if he's being respectful or not.

If he wants to act like an adult then he needs to be able to fix his "problem" like one. I remind him that he is still a child, so at times what I say goes, but we can both communicate with each other better when we allow him to feel like an adult in the situation.

He's a good student, and is fine with his friends. They aren't authority figures though, so he has no reason to "fight" them on anything. And school rules are like us with the government. We might not like what we have to do, but we do it because it is the law. They have to do their homework, be respectful, etc. So her being "normal" in those aspects makes sense to me. I hope this helps to either help solve the problem, or at least let you know you are not alone.

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