Daughter 19 smoking pot

Carolyne - posted on 02/19/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have a 19 year old daughter smoking pot everyday with boyfriend I don't know what to do. The more I say or threaten the worse she is

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Trisha - posted on 02/23/2015

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Kicking out a 19 year old ADULT is not "being a monster". It is forcing your child to start acting like an adult when they start making adult decisions.
You should not encourage behavior you dislike in your home (the one you pay for and maintain) by ignoring it.
I agree with Shawn. Create a contract for behavior. If she does not live up to her end of the bargain, kick her out, because that is how life works.
By ignoring bad behavior all people do is set up their children for failure in life.
Also, kicking out your child doesn't mean that you don't love them. Kick them out, and invite them over for Sunday dinners. It will actually probably strengthen the relationship in the long run. Granted, it might take a VERY long time to get to that point, but it probably will.

I Know - posted on 02/21/2015

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Don't be a monster. Don't kick children onto the street. She is experimenting. The substance she is using is less harmful than beer. Understand that first. Tell her smoking stunts growth .. Any smoke.. and beer kills brain cells. Tell her not to underestimate the importance of an education and if she lacks motivation smoking won't help. Otherwise be greatful that she is in your life and love her for who she is no matter what.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/20/2015

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If you've allowed your adult child to move back in, you need to initiate a contract outlining both your responsibilities as homeowner, and her responsibilities as tenant. Behavioural expectations can be addressed with this as well as monetary compensation for the goods and services that living in your home provides her.

You cannot force her to take classes, nor should you want her to waste money if she truly isn't interested in school. However, since you are going to be making room/board part of your contract, you can enforce a job requirement.

If she doesn't want to live by house/contract rules, she's welcome to fully support herself.

Carolyne - posted on 02/20/2015

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You are definitely right. He is totally self centered but she has some notion that she is helping him when he is just hurting her. He is a year younger and his mother is deceased so he has lived house to house for years. She is the most stable thing he has ever had. You are right but to get her to see or listen is so impossible

Raye - posted on 02/20/2015

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Maybe what you say should include him. Not as an attack, but ask her why she thinks a boy that gets her in trouble actually loves her. If he doesn't care that she gets kicked out of her home, then he doesn't care about her. If he loved her, he would want the best for her. He's only thinking about himself.

Carolyne - posted on 02/20/2015

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Thank you! I feel kind if the same way. We tried the throwing out and taking car. She was just doing more. She moved back home and I really have tried to back off. I fear she will completely waste her life. The pot started with the current boyfriend which is her first serious boyfriend. Anything I say is taken as a personal attack on him.

Carolyne - posted on 02/20/2015

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We took her car and threw her out right before Thanksgiving. She came back after Christmas and wanted to move back in I told her only of she gets in school. College and stops all the pot smoking. She if course claimed she would but then Everytime she is with the boy friend she comes home stoned. I know tough love is best but I also fear that she is just doing more and more if she isn't living home.

Raye - posted on 02/20/2015

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When you threaten, do you follow through on what you say? probably not. So why should she stop. It's your house, so she follows the rules or she gets out.

Michelle - posted on 02/20/2015

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If she is living at home then all you can really do is tell her she can't smoke it in your house. She is considered an adult so doesn't have to do what you say anymore.
The more you go on about it the more she will keep doing it though so I suggest backing off.

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