Daughter abruptly moved out of the house. What to do?

Myra - posted on 10/19/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My relationship with my 24 year old daughter has been rocky for some years now to the point where she basically left at the beginning of last month. She's of the belief that she can do whatever she wants because she's over 18 and doesn't have to respect household rules. The biggest problem would probably be with the boyfriend of 2 years; my husband and I do not allow overnight visits here nor his home. There have been a couple of occasions where we went to his house to get her and she threw a huge fit. Her curfew is midnight weekdays and 1 on weekends and if she's not home, he'll go out to find her. We all have chores around the house and we expect her to keep her room and bathroom tidy; rarely does she pull her weight. Everything is a battle with her.

The power struggle started about 3 years ago when my husband became unemployed (he hasn't worked since) and shortly after, we ran through what little savings we had to pay bills. She graduated college debt free because of us and felt the need to help us out and moved back in. She has a very good job and has been taking care of the household expenses since. Because of that, she feels she should call the shots now! We appreciate everything she's done but this is still our home and we are still the parents here. Last month, she stayed out late with the boyfriend again and my husband said he was taking her car until she can be more responsible about curfew (the car is in his name) and she left that same day to a friend's house. The next morning, we come back from breakfast and her room is cleaned out. The three of us have a sit down and she says she's sick of our controlling her and that she's moving in with the boyfriend. The situation turned into a screaming match and she said "good luck being homeless" and we haven't seen her since; in fact, we just found out from social media that her and the boyfriend moved to another state 2 weeks ago confirming that she's been planning this for a while, prompting all these fights.

In short, she'a gone and won't speak with us and we've been stuck with all the bills plus her car (she says she'll buy another one) and she doesn't even care. I don't understand how my daughter could be so cruel to her parents and am at a lost on what to do next.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/19/2016

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Wow, so...let me get this straight. You are controlling your (well OVER) ADULT daughter, you are demanding that she work to support you and your husband, who are both unemployed, you actually drag her out of her boyfriend's home...AND YOU WONDER WHY SHE HAS HAD ENOUGH???????

For God's sake, get OFF YOUR ASSES and take care of your OWN LIVES!!!!!

Good on that poor girl for finally getting up the gumption to say ENOUGH!!!

She, out of the love she had for you, offered to HELP OUT when you were in a tough spot. YOU, out of some misguided idea you have that she somehow owes the rest of her life and paycheck to you, decided to turn into SpongeBob SquarePants and his buddy Patrick.

Actually, by all right, since SHE has been paying for EVERYTHING (due you you and your husband's apparent lack of motivation), she could have had YOU and your lazy assed husband evicted.

Grow up. GET JOBS. Either that, or, like she said, have fun being homeless.

I wish her the absolute best of everything in her life, now that she has shaken off the sponges that raised her.

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Roberta - posted on 10/23/2016

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It's tough seeing our kids as adults when they are back in our house. But, she is indeed an adult and a curfew of midnight is a bit much. I'm sorry it ended up the way it did. I pray that you guys can repair your relationship with her. I'm sure she loves you both very much. Reach out to her, maybe via social media or cell phone. Let her know you love her, then work at gradually mending the relationship now that she's no longer under your roof maybe you can see her more as the adult she is.

Jodi - posted on 10/20/2016

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Why can some parents not understand that your children do not OWE you for doing what you should (including helping them through college) to raise them?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/19/2016

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This statement just kills me "rarely does she pull her weight". Just what in the bloody hell do call her FULLY SUPPORTING HER PARENTS?????

That is MORE than pulling her own weight. She was pulling not only HER weight, but also YOURS AND YOUR HUSBAND'S!!!!!!

FFS!

Michelle - posted on 10/19/2016

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I agree with the other ladies.
YOU needed her to move back home to help with your household bills. She's 24 and IS an adult.
Why would you give a grown woman a curfew, especially since she had previously been out of home and only came back to help you out?
I don't blame her for leaving, I would have as well.
If you want to rebuild the relationship then you need to let her live her life and stop treating her like a child.
She hasn't been cruel to you, you pushed her to stand up for herself.

Jodi - posted on 10/19/2016

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She's 24 for crying out loud. You can't continue to treat her like a child. She has been practically supporting you and your husband financially and helping you out but you are still treating her like she has no rights! No wonder she left. I would too. You ARE controlling her. She doesn't owe you anything. She was living with you as an adult in the household, you were treating her as a child. She has a right to her own life.

Dove - posted on 10/19/2016

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Wow! Good for her for cutting off you control freak moochers. She's been supporting you for three years and you still think you should treat her like a child? Get over yourselves. She was an adult living and functioning on her own and she came home to take care of you guys. What a couple of ungrateful twits you two are...

I just read how you treated her and I have no respect for you both....

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