Daughter breaks my heart

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

I became a widow at the age of 37 and my daughter at the was only 21 months old..i dont have any other children, as it was it took me 8 years of IVF to have my daughter..
I have brought my daughter up on my own and she has never gone without, Holidays camping, parties, swimmimg lessons all the usual things...we would sit and watch films together..go out for sunday lunch on our own..
She now 16 and upsets me sooo much by being rude to me, speaks to me like a lump of dirt on her shoe, she is lazy and dont help out at home, wants me to be here taxi, dont want to listen to anything i say..wants her own way and if she dont she swears and shouts at me,and is only nice to me when she want something...
I spend a lot of time crying because ive tried so much to be her mum and dad, given her what she want and now i get nothing back apart from a load of grief...
i think is it just me am i a horrible mum, am i trying to hold on to my little girl...!!!

2 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

thanks...for your words, i think i need to be stronger ..i know that... but its hard i find when your actually in it...and you cant see beyond the 4 walls..other people can see your mistakes, its not till its pointed out to you that you realise

Dove - posted on 11/03/2015

11,621

0

1348

You can not give a child everything they want and then be surprised when they are takers. People are born self centered and it is up to their parents to teach them to be grateful for what they have and to help others.

Perhaps there is a homeless shelter or similar that the two of you can start volunteering at to SHOW her just how good she really has it. Does she have chores at home? She should be responsible for all of her own laundry and switch off nights w/ you between making the dinner and doing the dishes... in addition to a bunch of other things.

It is your job to provide for all of her needs... but it is NOT your job to provide for any of her wants. It is her job to go to school, be respectful to her mother, and to contribute to the running of the household. If she has any WANTS... she will do her jobs.

I find it helpful to write down what I expect of my teens and what the consequences are for not fulfilling their obligations. It takes the 'argument' out of it because it's right there in 'black and white' and there is nothing to argue about. If she is being rude and swearing at you... calmly tell her that she can go to her room until she can be civilized. If she will not remove herself... you can go hang out in your room and do something peaceful that you enjoy while she has her little tantrum.

She is getting older and probably wanting to be more like an adult than a child and have the freedom to do and say what she wants, but WITH that freedom comes greater responsibility. If she's not ready for the responsibilities... she's not ready for the freedoms.

If you are finding that things are getting harder and harder... I recommend seeking some counseling. It is good for you to have a 'back up support' person to run things by and to give you suggestions and encouragement.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms