Daughter dating immature much older man

Karen - posted on 08/08/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




My 20 yr old daughter recently got out of a very controlling 7 mth relationship with a 30 yr old man who was a complete loser { ex drug dealer, financially unstable, no savings, drinker etc etc }. Within 1 wk, she hooked up with this guys {now ex} boss who is 42. I feel like he swooped in on my daughter knowing full well that she'd just broken up with the other guy & that she was very vulnerable. I should add that my daughter has very low self esteem and a history of depression and self-harm.
Anyway, as soon as this 42 yr old heard that my daughter and the other fellow had broken up, he got my daughter's phone # from her ex and contacted her offering cigarettes and support.
Within 2 wks of that night, my daughter had moved him into the apartment that we share {along with my 14 yr old son}. My daughter has refused to speak to me for over a week now, as I said I'm overwhelmed with having this guy at our place all the time.
My daughter and I hadn't even had a chance to rebuild our relationship after the ordeal of the other boyfriend when all if a sudden, this new man was on the scene (and living in my home). He has an ex wife & 2 daughters aged 13 and 15. He had only recently gotten out of a 2 1/2 yr live-in relationship with a woman (his age) who had a 13 tr old son.
He has been in rehab for his drinking issues, has no money, a car that is leased & badly falling apart. His previous girlfriend has served him with Court papers for money he owes her during their relationship. He is in debt up to his eyeballs & gets loans from pawn shops ($2000 loan recently).
My daughter called me a bitch (and worse!) because I said I'm overwhelmed by it all & it would be best if this guy stays at his own apartment (for which he's still paying rent on) most of the time & only at our place a couple of nights a week. He has driven a huge wedge between my once-close daughter & myself.
Wondering what other people's views are on this whole situation. I don't know what to do or think.

out of a 7mth relationship with a 30 yr old loser {financially unstable, immature, ex drug dealer etc etc } 


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/08/2015




Well, first, she's an adult, and if she's living in your home, there should be a contract in place. Had there been, this situation of her moving someone in could have been avoided.
Tell her, in no uncertain terms, that he needs to live at the place he's paying for, and that you do not wish him in your home. ENFORCE IT, even if you have to have her evicted to do so.
You can let her know that you love HER, but you will not put up with her choices, and that, when she's ready, you'll be there to support EMOTIONALLY, but will no longer be offering financial support or housing unless it is under contract.
You cannot determine her relationships for her, as she's an adult. The more disapproval you show, the more likely she is to continue on the loser track. It is better to separate yourself and offer no opinion on her choice of men.

[deleted account]

Heartbreaking, your daughter was the target as you mentioned "she has low self esteem, depressed, and self harm" these are the types of women men go after because they are so unhappy and miserable within their lives they use verbal abuse and emotional abuse as control tactics,you should go see a therapist so you can have better communication and settle your problems/ get a restraining order on him if this continues or gets worse. Have other family support help you as much as possible.

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