Daughter has an on line boy friend

Leslie - posted on 03/24/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )




My daughter made friends with a boy on line. she is thirteen and so is he. It is an online game called wizard 101 and they have been playing together for a while and I have monitored her on many occasions. Well turns out she gave this boy her number and lied to me about it. Not telling me and even making up a pretend name for the boy as if he were a boy from school that was calling. She came clean today because the boy's mom found out and told him that he could not talk to my daughter unless I knew and okay'd it. So she cried and asked me to give her a punishment and said she was really sorry. I need advice ...I know I will punish her like take away phone and computer privilages, but I need feed back. I am concerned that she really likes this boy and is having all these feelings for him.


Theresa - posted on 03/25/2011




Be VERY careful. I had a neighbor who got involved with a "boy" online. She was 14. He told her he was 18. He turned out to be a 40 something pedophile. He got her to trust him (she didn't have an active male role model in her life at the time). He knew all the right things to say. He ended up traveling across country to come see her. He lured her to a hotel and had sex with her. Watch carefully, monitor everything, even if it seems innocent. Have all her passwords and snoop, often. You can't be too careful. Let her know you will monitor everything. Have the computer in a public area of the house where you frequent. Check, check, check, look, look, look, snoop, snoop, snoop.

Carolyn - posted on 03/25/2011




talk to his mom. Its a pretty good way to find out how old he is. On the phone you should be able to tell if he really is a squeaky 13 year old.

I met my husband playing an online game. I also spoke to his parents over christmas, before even entertaining the idea of meeting him in person. His mom laughed when I asked if he was really his age and not a fat 50 year old half bald and overweight LOL. she thought i was hilarious. I had him on webcam, etc.

There are ways to make sure this kid is who he says he is.

at her age, she shouldnt have an online "boyfriend" but she can have an online friend ( provide you have and can verify all the information you need to be comfortable)

putting an age limit on teens doesnt prevent them from meeting people and developping feelings. But it can help prevent them from engaging in behaviours that have serious consequences or can lead to risky situations.

Its no different than a penpal her age.

Talk to the mom, set some ground rules for the friendship, give her a good punishment for the sneaky behavior, and talk to her about internet predators and how lucky she is and that this could have turned out alot worse.

Alyssa - posted on 03/24/2011




Is your daughter aware of what can happen with Online chatting? There could have been a good chance that this person was not who he said he was. I say punishment is necessary...for going behind your back, but most of all she needs education about using the internet!
My children are too youg to use the net atm but when they do it will be supervised and timed sessions. Theres not only the risk of child predators but also other risks like credit card use, public humiliation and bullying etc etc. Until my children show they understand the internet and the responsibility required...they will not be using it alone....at all.

Rebecca - posted on 03/25/2011




After re reading this, and a little more sleep and caffeine, I just want to add a few notes. I would ground her for lying to you for sure, but I would not forbid her from talking to this kid. I would find out more information about him. Maybe talk to the parents, make sure he is who he says he is and is only 13. You never know. If he checks out and you feel comfortable then let them continue. But she is your daughter and only you can make that call. If you are uncomfortable, thean maybe something is off. Mothers always have this intuition and can know what is best. I wouldn't forbid her from continuing to talk to him, as that will only draw her closer to him. Kids rebel. I remember I did the same thing. I will share a story. Not many know this story, but I feel like you should hear it. I was like 15 when AOL chat rooms were BIG and EVERYONE was chatting. I met a guy on there who said he was "close to my age" but never disclosed that info. I was young and ddint know better so I kept talking to him. he called me alot, which like your daughter, I lied and said he was someone from school. He sent me gifts and loevly letters. He wanted to arrange for us to meet and bought me a bus ticket to his house. My step-dad got suspicious and did some research and come to find out this man was 45 years old. My step dad took care of the situation and we never talked again. So, just be careful. People are creepy and unfortunately some cant be trusted. I hope this helps. If not, I am sorry for rambling!!

Bonnie - posted on 03/25/2011




They are only 13. If you are okay with it in the end, him coming to your house and maybe her going to his house would be okay, but other than that they are young for a dating-like relationship. Plus, she has never even met the boy personally. Maybe she will feel differently if she did.

In general, if she doesn't know already, I think you need to talk with her about what the Internet can do and the dangers. You are lucky this boy didn't turn out to be a 30 or 40 something aged man.


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Rebecca - posted on 03/25/2011




I would sit down with her and discuss internet safety and why it is so important. My son is 10 and we have had this talk several times. I want to make sure he knows exactly why this is so important. I monitor what he posts online and what infor he gives out. You are lucky he was a 13 year old boy! Had he been a predator, he had your phone number, which means your address can justa s quickly be found. My son also plays Wizard 101. but with me behind him. He is not allowed to have any Facebook or anythng like it until he is older. I guess I am old school, but I am firm believer that kids and Teens are not responsible enough for social networks unless VERY cloely monitored. So, in summary, ground her and have a talk!

Dee - posted on 03/24/2011




Your daughter is too young for any relationship. She needs a dating age limit, or a maturity limit, before you go any further with boyfriend talk. My son wasn't allowed to "date" until he was 15 years old. By date I mean actually call someone his girlfriend and be allowed to hold hands and things like that. Don't think that he didn't try to sneak a bit, he was a normal teen, but I watched him like a hawk and was in his business at every turn. Kids are moving too fast these days. If you are not in your daughters business, ALL OF THE TIME, bad things could happen. There is no such thing as being over protective now a days. Set your rules and stick to them, you will be happy in the long run.

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