Daughter hates her real father!!!

Tee - posted on 03/06/2014 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My four year old daughter really hates her father!!! Its so bad that she makes up lies just so she don't have to talk to him. About 2 months ago she called everybody including 911 asking and begging them to tell me not to let her go spend a night with them. She also have 2 brothers in which they have the same father and different mommies and she says she don't like them either. I'm trying to teach her that hating is wrong and you suppose to love everybody but nothing I say seems to work. How can I go bout and bring some light to the.situation? What can I do to change her mind?

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Jodi - posted on 03/06/2014

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OK, for those who are struggling to read or interpret what I wrote:

" 4 year old could not develop this level of angst and hate against a parent unless the other parent was feeding her...."

This means that it is possible that the mother (or someone else the child cares a lot about) is saying negative things about the father within earshot of the child, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and this could cause thoughts, emotions and behaviours that mimic the mother's.

"or unless there was abuse."

And if the first option is not the case, then it is possible the father, or someone in the father's home, or someone that is around her when she is staying with her father, is abusing her in some way, because this, too, would cause these feelings in a child.

NOWHERE DID I SUGGEST IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM THAT THE MOTHER WAS ABUSING HER CHILD.

I hope that cleared things up for those who had difficulty interpreting what I had to say and seem to think they can put words in my mouth that I did not say nor even insinuate.

And I hope the OP investigates both options as possibilities because both have very serious long term consequences for her child. I can understand her concern, I would be concerned too.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/07/2014

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Livia, how do you KNOW why the OP did not respond? Are you actually the OP, attempting to incite argument?

Sarah - posted on 03/07/2014

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I strongly suggest a counsellor would be able to help your daughter express why she is feeling this way and what to do to remedy the situation.

Livia - posted on 03/06/2014

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Notice the mother didnt come back here because of the comments that were made,.I will not be back to this thread. This is insane. You and your posse have fun ;)

[momoftwo] - posted on 03/06/2014

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I also take Jodi, Michelle, & Shawnn's side on this.
My first child has a complete D-Bag for a father and never have I ever talked bad about him to her or anywhere around her. And she still loves him and is happy to see him. I mean she does realize he doesn't come around a lot but any 6 year old can figure that out themselves.
She has never had any hate towards him whatsoever so I do find it odd that a 4 year old would have hate towards her father UNLESS someone was coercing (doesn't have to be the mom, could be anyone), or again if there was abuse.. Or not treated fairly by the others.

I suggest finding out what is going on over there. Definitely communicate with your daughter and the father. Did she say why she hates him?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/06/2014

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~MoD Warning~

How about we stop all the in thread bickering??? Thats an idea. If it continues, this thread will be shut down.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

Michelle - posted on 03/06/2014

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Livia: How about instead of getting your back up over Jodi and Shawnn, you actually just try and help the OP. You putting down others isn't helping at all when it's not even about you. BTW, I know Jodi has a psychology degree so how about you stop just picking bits out of their posts.

Livia - posted on 03/06/2014

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and you dont have to be an idiot to read between the lines. Its whats insinuated. You can say whatever you want. Tap dance around. I know how to read. Sometimes you just run into people who are not very happy with their own lives and those people have to makes others feel inferior. Have a great night everyone! ;)

Livia - posted on 03/06/2014

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I know how to read! lmao @ the degree. That's terrific! Highly doubtful. This Dr Jodi was your comment: A 4 year old could not develop this level of angst and hate against a parent unless the other parent was feeding her, or unless there was abuse. I mean it cant be taken ANY other way. Now you two have a great night. Please refrain from responding to anything I post and I will do the same. Nothing personal.

Jodi - posted on 03/06/2014

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Actually, I do have a psychology degree.........
I also never said the mother was abusing this child. You, lady, need to learn to read.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/06/2014

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Livia, you need to quit looking for criticism in every single thing that Jodi or I post. Just because you don't agree with what we say (beauty of the internet...you don't HAVE to agree with us, nor do we HAVE to agree with you)

If I see something fishy, I'm going to call it out. If you don't want me to do so, then don't read my posts. You're free to scroll right through them.

Nowhere...NOWHERE did I place blame upon anyone. You assumed that I did by misreading my post.

FACT: Children learn behaviour that is most frequently exhibited around them.

Did I say that the child learned this from the mother? NO. Read. Re-read, and then, if you still are reading words that do not exist on the screen, don't respond.

NOWHERE did I state that the woman was abusing the child. Since you didn't seem to understand my response, I'll break it down for you:

"Something's off here" Well, sorry, but something IS off, if a 4 YO is getting ahold of a phone for unsupervised calls. "How did she get 'everybody's' number to call?" Valid question. A 4 YO is not a walking address book, who knows everyone's phone number...LMAO...but hey, I guess miracles can happen... "She's awfully precocious if she can tell everyone, including 911 the same story"...Have you ever listened to a 4 yo relate a story? It changes minute by minute. Therefore, a 4 yo who can and is relating exactly the same story to multiple people, including a 911 operator (who's trained to ask probing questions)...exhibits precociousness. What's wrong with saying that?

Now, if you please, point out MY EXACT ACCUSATION OF ABUSE? And, if you would be so courteous, also point out EXACTLY WHERE I BLAMED THE PARENT? In my exact words if you please...

Cheers!

Livia - posted on 03/06/2014

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First of all She didnt dial EVERY number in her contacts she said she called everyone and sometimes people exaggerate when they are upset. You are both blaming the mother and saying she is the one who is doing something to make her hate her dad! Shawn and Jodi you two are very judgemental and maybe you need to develop some compassion and YOU DON'T know everything YOUR NOT psychologists and you really need to stop being so mean. You could really send someone over the edge. You both actually tell this lady to stop abusing her child! You do you think you are? You dont know her! Tee Bee try and find out whats going on. Dont worry about what those to said, like I said obviously something is going on at her dads house or maybe she feels guilty leaving you. Maybe going too see a doctor would help.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/06/2014

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Total agreement with Jodi & Michelle. Something's off here. First, how did she get 'everybody's' number to call? She's an awfully precocious child if she can take your phone (without you noticing), and dial EVERY number in your contacts, and tell them all, including 911 the same story...highly doubtful.

They only learn the behaviour that is most often exhibited around them...

Michelle - posted on 03/06/2014

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I'm with Jodi on this. You either need to find out what has happened or stop telling her things about him.
I'm not assuming either way but a 4yo doesn't have any concept of hate unless they hear it and copy or are hurt by someone.
Either get the police involved or keep quiet.

Jodi - posted on 03/06/2014

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A 4 year old could not develop this level of angst and hate against a parent unless the other parent was feeding her, or unless there was abuse.

Livia - posted on 03/06/2014

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I don't know if this is possible but are you able to attend an event with just her and her dad? SO maybe the 3 of you can talk? Maybe do that once a month?! Open up a dialogue with her and make sure that she has the freedom to call you when shes at her dads. The first thing I would do tho is make sure that everything is ok over there. She should be daddys girl at that age so make sure nothing has happened. I am not trying to scare you. SHe could just be jealous because the boys get to see their dad more or maybe the boys pick on her and dad doesn't do anything. Keep me posted. Good luck!!

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