Daughter having problems at school?

Sandra - posted on 11/30/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My daughter is in 6th grade at school and attends a school up to about 7th grade. She loves playing with kids that are older and younger. Lately, shes been having issues at school because she got in trouble for playing with younger kids about 1st grade. The supervisor tells her to go play with kids around her own age and stop hanging around with little girls that are about 5 YO and just started kindergarten. She didn't do anything wrong, she uses appropriate language in front of them, does not boss them, and plays with them in a kind way. However, this situation has happened MANY times already. I had a meeting with the classroom teacher and she said that she will talk to the recess supervisor. The next day, the supervisor talked to my daughter and said that she doesn't want her playing with little kids because it will effect her when she goes to high school, and that all the other schools in our city has rules where the age groups are separated into different areas/playgrounds and that unless she has a sibling or a relative at that age, she has no reason to be hanging around with that certain age goup. So is there any suggestions on how to solve this problem?

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Sandra - posted on 12/02/2015

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Where we live, you can't do an extra year nor hold back a year, sadly. You stay in classes w/ the students your grade and age. Hopefully, when the time comes, she will be mature enough.

Jodi - posted on 12/02/2015

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No, you can't force her or choose her friends for her, I agree. Maybe she won't be ready for high school when the time comes and it may be better for her to do an extra year where she is. I can't say. But continue to offer her opportunities to develop her maturity, including her critical thinking skills. I'm sure her therapist can continue to offer ideas for you.

Sandra - posted on 12/02/2015

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Yes, I did tell her. We tried everything we could. :/ but let's face the fact: I can't really force my child and choose her friends for her, but her behavior and her choices can cause a bit of a problem in a few years.
Honestly, though, I'm around when she is playing outside or watching TV. I know it may be very strange for other people to see an 11 YO child that watches Dora and the other cartoons for younger kids every time she watches television - and every time one of the characters on the TV says "repeat after me" or "clap" she actually repeats what the characters say ad claps. She is very happy w/ that, and it worries me every time I am around and see my preteen girl smiling on the couch with the TV on. I know its nothing shes doing that's bad, but yes, her behavior at home and at school does worry me....and it worries me that if she keeps up w/ the immaturity then she might not even be ready for high school in the future, too.

Jodi - posted on 12/02/2015

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Actually, in my experience, ADHD children don't generally have difficulties making friends with others their own age. I've taught plenty of them that have lots of great friends. I therefore question whether this is to do with her ADHD. Is the therapist aware of these things you have tried to support her making friends her own age?

Sandra - posted on 12/02/2015

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Yes, I may be a little concerned. The therapist has suggested that she can join activities outside of school such as art, dance, pottery, sports, etc. w/ children her own age who don't go to her school. I tried that - but she doesn't seem to be interacting w/ the other kids at her gymnastics and also on her soccer team. Instead, she goes into her own little world or begins to act like a younger child.
Also, I tried inviting some of my own friends that have kids around her age but that hasn't worked either. She usually just says hi, ignores them, and starts playing w/ the little kids and the babies, toddlers, etc. I'd be more than happy if she has friends that are younger, her age, and older but she cannot relate to kids that are her age and older that much - she was in school counselling for about 2 years now and the counsellor said that yes, this may be one of the major issues that might cause some problems as she reaches her teenage years, because lots of high school teachers do expect their students to be mature in the classroom, and she will have a hard time making some friends in high school and may start being lonely at school. :/ I know it can be a challenge for an ADHD child to make friends, though. However, I don't think I should be forcing her to stay within her peer group.

Jodi - posted on 12/02/2015

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Are you concerned she won't cope when she moves on to high school? I know I would be - if she struggles to relate to children her own age, that could be a major challenge for her. Is she seeing a therapist at all that may be able to suggest strategies to you to assist supporting her in making friends her own age?

Sandra - posted on 12/02/2015

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My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and however acts childish lots of times. She chooses to watch Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins, and Dinosaur Train on TV, etc. and her choice of hobbies are similar to ones that younger kids might have. She is very well-behaved, and doesn't have any friends her own age. Honestly, I don't see a real issue w/ my child playing w/ younger kids, she plays w/ little children in the neighborhood and the kids love her and always as to play. Also, she loves playgrounds, music, and running around.
Kids near her own age don't seem to get her - they are more interested in "tween styles", and are more matured than she is. I get why an adult would be concerned, though, because she doesn't have the maturity of an 11 year old girl.

Jodi - posted on 12/01/2015

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I can see the supervisor's point - it is important that your daughter socialise with other children her own age. If it were only occasionally that she is with the younger children, or if she and a group of friends her own age are ALL playing together with the younger children, it would be different. But if it is just her playing with 5 year olds all the time, as a parent, I'd be concerned about that too. Is there a reason why she isn't playing with children her own age?

Sandra - posted on 12/01/2015

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I have checked w/ the teacher .... the supervision aid seems to think of my daughter as "socially immature" and doesn't know her well enough...I asked the classroom teacher if she has ever gotten any complaints about my kid not playing appropriately w/ the younger children. She said no, she isn't doing anything bad. My child did get in trouble again at recess and told me everything: the supervision aid said that it would be very abnormal and rather worrying if someone who was 20 played w/ kids at my daughters age and she wasnt a parent, sibling, relative, babysitter, etc. and it is a concern if a kid my daughter's age is hanging out with 5-7 YO children. She stayed in the lunchroom by herself during lunch because she didn't want to be in trouble again but I have checked w/ her teacher.

Jodi - posted on 11/30/2015

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Check with the classroom teacher if she has had the conversation with the recess supervisor yet. Teachers are busy people - she may not have had the chance to yet.

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