Daughter is having very loud sex

Anna - posted on 11/25/2013 ( 60 moms have responded )

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This is a little bit embarrassing. We have raised our children to be open and tolerant and to consider sex nothing to be ashamed of.

Our 16 year old daughter has her first boyfriend, and of course he is allowed to sleep over. After all, it is better for her to have sex in a safe environment, where there are plenty of condoms in our drawer in the kitchen, than in the back of his car.

Unfortunately, we can hear both of them quite well, and their forays into S/M are not something we are keen to listen to.

How can we tell them to tone it down? We are happy she is discovering her sexuality in a pleasant, blissful way, and we do not want her to feel ashamed.

At the same time, we feel really uncomfortable when we hear them during their sex games.

How should we proceed?

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Leela - posted on 11/30/2013

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Firstly I don't get why her bf is sleeping over. Haven't you watched 16 and pregnant? Secondly of course she's going to say they use condoms. She knows that's what you want to hear. In my view you're encouraging a lack of respect for your home and your family. You are her parent and this is what you allow in your home? thats not nurturing, that bad parenting 101. the real question you should ask yourself is how you and your husband have allowed this insane situation to continue. Teen pregnancy and stds are a major issue and I think you are trying to be 'cool' instead of being a parent. Smh

Vanessa - posted on 11/28/2013

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I started having sex at 16 too, I wasnt allowed to, but I did it anyway, never in my parents house though, they'd have flipped out! The first time I did it was in the back of a car! Not cool, and this type of encounter only fuels the idea that sex is something to be ashamed of! It is not. I wish my parents were as open minded as you. I have a daughter now, not sure if this is the approach I will be taking with her, we'll have to wait and see how she grows up. But I will educate her about sex well before she is ready to do the deed. If you are satisfied that your daughter is responsible enough to understand the possible and serious consequences of sex and you are certain she is taking the right precautions (the pill, condoms) then I personally dont see anything wrong with allowing her to explore her sexuality in the safety of your home. However Id talk to her quick smart about the noise, I dont think that is something anyone else in your family should have to put up with. Tell her you are not trying to embarass her, you are trying to raise her awareness and she has a responsibility to ensure she is not making anyone else in the house feel uncomfortable.
And the idea she will certainly become a teenage mother is unfounded, I did not become a parent until I was 27 yo. And someone suggested you let her watch porn and play with herself instead? Wtf? If you are trying to mess your daughter up thats how you do it! Many women on here are crying out for the sanctity of virginity too.....oh get over it! You've been brainwashed in to thinking virginity is the only thing that makes you a respectable woman. It is not. Respect comes from making the decisions that are right for you and being prepared to deal with the consequences that may occur, regardless of what anyone else thinks. We all have the ability to think for ourselves! Even at 16, especially with the support and guidance of parents who care. The people who judge us for making our decisions are truly what make us feel bad about ourselves.

Kelly - posted on 11/26/2013

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Let me tell you something: I have a friend that let her teenage daughters do that same shit, and they're now 17 and 19, both have kids they can't take care of and are dependent on boys for love and attention. Think about what you're doing and what your daughter is really getting out of this...hope you're ready to be a grandma to a baby with a teenage mom.

BARNES - posted on 11/28/2013

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i haave a daughter and there is no way in hell i would ever in a million years let her have sex in my house while she is still a teen. thats my baby girl, my pride and joy and im sorry but if you did have enough respect for your dauughter you wouldnt encourage her to be having sex.. espescially that young..
everybody has their own opinion,, i know i myself wouldnt even have the nerve to do that in my own moms house.. cause i have respect for my mom. and thats another thing.. if your gonna at least let her have sex in your own house telll her to at least respect you and put a pillow over her face or put his dick in her mouth and keep the noise downlol

Brittany - posted on 12/01/2013

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My apologies. I didn't realize you were in Europe. Obviously things are WAY different! Here, 16 year olds are still kids and in most parts of the US, they are treated as such. Sex is a very Taboo subject here! Most parents do not even talk to their children about sex (which I don't agree with) much less let them have sex in their home openly. Other parents do judge, terribly! And they do say who their kids can hang around and who they can't! It is very interesting to see how differently other people in the world do things! Do most parents in Europe allow their children to do this kind of thing? I find it interesting! Like I said, I was not judging. That is not my place. But I can tell you that here in Louisiana, people would have heart attacks if they knew their children were allowed to have sex at someone else's home! And I say that because like I said, I have boys! I will teach my sons to use protection but I also know they will make their own choices! My husband and I are married with 2 kids and would still never have sex at our parents houses! Ever!!!! Haha!

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J - posted on 01/08/2015

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Anna, I support you %100. I am a single mom who also has a very open relationship with my daughter. I was apprehensive at first but did agree to the boyfriend sleeping over when she was 16. We always talked openly about sex. It started one night when I heard her upstairs in her room. She was moaning very laud and I thought she might be having a bad dream. I walked in on her naked on her bed using two hands having lots of fun. I felt bad interrupting but it started a very open dialogue on sex. I took her shopping for vibrators and other sex toys. I let her know that experimentation was fun and pleasurable. It was important to find out what she liked and what made her feel good so that one day when a man was involved sex wasn't about him getting off but instead about two people who like it other making each other feel good.

I've also had to hear a few nights of noisy pleasure coming from upstairs, but she's also had to hear my boyfriend and I on occasion. I let her know some people are noisy lovers and some are not. She shouldn't be afraid to express herself even during sex. We did discuss that you might want to be quiter so as not to disturbed others, but she knows if my bf and I are home that they shouldn't be afraid to be themselves.

My daughter is responsible, very mature, great grade in school, and now geeat grades in college. She is an independent, and secure woman. Hang in there Anna, your doing a great job. On a lighter note I sometimes like to jab her a little and let her know what I heard. I said to to her one time that I heard her dirty talk and said that I liked doing that too. She got me back by saying I know and that she learned from me. Like mother like dug hater I guess.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/09/2014

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Loving the blanket assumptions about kids in the US.

ALL MADE BY PARENTS WHO ARE NOT (AND HAVE NOT BEEN) US CITIZENS.

Thanks, ladies for the generalisation. Please realize that such comments are offensive to those of us who actually CARE ABOUT OUR KIDS.

Statements like: " I’m also British. I agree that in the USA kids seem to be kept as kids for a whole lot longer.". Angela, have you LIVED IN THE US??? Do you personally (outside this board) know any US citizens well enough to make that statement? Because it pisses me off.

My kids (and 90% of the rest of the kids I know in the US) ARE SELF SUFFICIENT by the time they're 14-16. My eldest was perfectly self sufficient by the age of 10. DON'T ASSUME.

Another stupid blanket statement about the US: "the US is GUN CRAZY". No, we just respect that our founding fathers felt that we were responsible enough as adults to keep our own firearms if we wished to. Just because the UK DOESN'T ALLOW GUN OWNERSHIP without a bunch of rigamarole and the Queen's approval doesn't mean that you're any better than the US in that regard. The UK allows kids to drink at younger ages. Does that stop problems with minor children drinking? Not if I go by the headlines about british kids being drunk and stupid...

Now, I KNOW better than to actually BELIEVE blanket statements such as I just typed about the UK, but how does it feel to you, with the shoe on the other foot?

My point, ladies, is that NO ONE COUNTRY has got it right. Customs are different worldwide. If you can't respect that, don't open your mouth to comment about how 'stupid' or 'weird' or 'unbelievable' other countries laws are.

Oh, and I've just gotta say...This 'apple way' person seems to be quite the pervert, from reading their posts...Allow kids to be 'free in the front room', and 'they want you to participate' in their sex? REALLY? I'd like to have what you're smoking!

Chile Adoptions Support NZ Parents. - posted on 01/29/2014

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Its the Parents who have lost their trio with their teenagers, but teenager have their grip on parents. May be she needs the the Nosie control Law as well?


She says she is pLease to report to others?? I mean why does this parent of a minor feel she has to report her daughter sex life at all??

I mean she once where, asks for advice..... Ok, place on your ear muffs then ? what else do you expect others to say. you say, you say QUOTE:Brittany, I would like to point out that we are not American. We live in Europe.To be honest, I was quite stunned, shocked and horrified about some of the opinions about children posted here.

So? Just because other parent son matter where ether are from workday think for themselves , Sorry dear The LAW are not parents, but guess you have given and never your daughter wants and you are happy. um then why come here and complain about her sex life?

Goodness if you had any repeat for your daughter anther body, you would not let the boys in your door. Yes USA and their Morals where have they gone. And do cry one cannot judge, because really your Children will then think the LAW are their Parents as well, um.

Heck don't care if you do or don't Believe in God, but Parenting it;s also not all about the Law. This parent is unable to handle her teenager, so gives in to her.

Basically in the end, Where is back bone of society of gone, to say NO and mean, as you cannot be around very corner as well making sure she has her Condoms in her pocket.... I mean does this kid think she is all grown up now because she Legally is allowed to have sex, and guess she runs the House, wont be surprised.

Teenagers who take the Micky out on parents are only shown their immaturity and thus its the parents that feel they are losers from start,

The LAW DOWS NOT MAKE GOOD PARENTS< PARENTS DO>
Sick of wishy washy, scared, New age touchy parentaing.



PS
Guns don't and never had solved Problems..... Yes just look at what the LAWS in the USA have done for the USA and so called freedom of rights to carry a Gun.....

Yes USA is Gun crazy to.

I mean come own this is stupid , like TV solves/ drowns out her Daughters loud sex acts now, um right.






Anna Goldmann - posted on 12/02/2013

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I am pleased to report that they have become much quieter. We can still hear them, but once we turn on the TV it is almost as if they are not there.

Brittany, at what age do your children get driver's permits, are allowed to handle guns, join the military or go to college? I always understood that the US was slightly ahead in those things (in the UK the minimum age is 17 for a car or a van, so guess what she will want to do next year).

Surely if my daughter is deemed responsible enough to drive a lump of metal at high speeds (which is generally deemed to be quite dangerous - the number of people dying in car accidents every year is far higher than the number of people dying in 9/11) she will surely be responsible enough to experiment with sex.

As you can tell, I am far less happy about her wanting to get a driver's license.

Chile Adoptions Support NZ Parents. - posted on 01/29/2014

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Ok if you don't like nose then don't let the boys in. um.. Sad this oared tis trying so hard to be hip , when really this girl may not be respected later.

She says she her daughter Legally allowed to have sex, um

But then says she is not a Legally a Adult until age 18. Correct.

No not all all Narrow minded. rather parents should step up.

Does the teenager make her bed?
Does the teenager do the dishes, and help around the home?
Does the teenager have a part time Job?
Does the teen ager pay for Condoms?

Does the Teenagers who are allowed to have sex in this woman's home, wash the bed sheets later? IS the boy in Love or lust? Or do they feel they can separate sex with Love,,, you see when Teenage girls try to separate Sex from Love, then after al the boys that this parent open her door to... I mean its like prostituting a daughter, but even this daughter gets nothing, just along to get her fun buzzzzy feelings satsifed by strangers , thinking of SELF>

Girl has raging Hormones, so will the Mother be in the room to make sure her teenager keeps the condom on ? um,

Angela - posted on 01/23/2014

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Hi Anna! I’m also British. I agree that in the USA kids seem to be kept as kids for a whole lot longer. Also people are ranting on about condoms and other contraception not being 100% foolproof and the possibility of getting pregnant at 16 etc … Believe me, if condoms aren’t 100% foolproof this applies to when they’re used by older folks and not just teenagers. Using condoms at the age of 16 means she has just as much chance of getting pregnant as she does using condoms at the age of (for example) 22.

I do admit that a large proportion of contraceptive failure is down to human error and perhaps a younger person *might* just take less care. I’m not very happy with the notion that under your roof they can at least have sex in a warm, safe place where condoms are available. If they’re old enough to have a sex life, shouldn’t they be mature enough to be looking into every aspect and risk associated? Shouldn’t they be mature enough to talk about it to someone (like a doctor) who knows more than they do and is willing to fill in the gaps.

As a youngster I was NEVER sexually active in my parents’ house. This particular type of permission was NEVER given (or sought). If it HAD been given I would not have had sex in my parents’ house (and indeed I would never have had sex in my parents’ house at ANY age – including when married!).

I “researched” sex, contraceptives and guidance about relationships long, long before I got into a relationship and lost my virginity. I was quite well informed – even from the age of 14 – exactly what the ins and outs of the different contraceptive methods were, where to get the contraceptives from (as all they’re free from Family Planning Clinics in the UK). I would NEVER have had sex in my parents’ house. Had I wanted sex and had a willing partner I would have indulged wherever we felt comfortable in doing it with the least possibility of discovery – and ensured the contraceptive safeguards were taken and used correctly. Because MY sex life is no-one else’s business. I was ready for this from the age of about 14 – but I didn’t actually indulge until I was 17.

The other bit that concerns me is the question of whether the boy’s parents have been informed. I am especially worried if the girl (i.e. your daughter) was underage when the relationship began or if she was still underage when the sexual intimacy between them began. I know this goes on and I’m not being judgemental here. Quite simply if he Is older than her (and he only needs to be something like ONE WEEK older than her) and he had sex with her before she turned 16, she is in a position of power should the relationship break down and they split up. She can testify against him for “unlawful intercourse with a person under 16”. I wouldn’t want any of my sons indicting with a sex offence that’s going to stay with them for life. Don’t say it would never happen. It can and it does. I doubt very much that the first time she had sex was under your roof. This doesn’t mean that the couple were irresponsible – they probably weren’t. It is fairly likely they were “careful” and it’s entirely free of charge to get condoms from a Family Planning Clinic – it’s even easier to just go into a chemist’s shop or vending machine in a public toilet and simply BUY them.

If they’re mature enough to have a sex life, they’re mature enough to go out & buy condoms (or have them freely prescribed from a clinic). Sex is a private thing and however supportive my parents were I just could NEVER have sex under their roof! If the young couple involved are mature, they’re quite capable of doing their own research on sexual variations and appropriate protection and safety – they know about condoms, I daresay they also know about dental dams. Oral sex doesn’t need to be risky.

I am now 55 and have never, ever had sex in a car. And I feel I missed out!

Anna - posted on 12/02/2013

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I am pleased to report that they have become much quieter. We can still hear them, but once we turn on the TV it is almost as if they are not there.

Brittany, at what age do your children get driver's permits, are allowed to handle guns, join the military or go to college? I always understood that the US was slightly ahead in those things (in the UK the minimum age is 17 for a car or a van, so guess what she will want to do next year).

Surely if my daughter is deemed responsible enough to drive a lump of metal at high speeds (which is generally deemed to be quite dangerous - the number of people dying in car accidents every year is far higher than the number of people dying in 9/11) she will surely be responsible enough to experiment with sex.

As you can tell, I am far less happy about her wanting to get a driver's license.

Sarah - posted on 12/01/2013

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Anna,
Your daughter is very lucky to have parents that are open about sex. If you are open about sex and allow it in your house then you should just express your opinion and tell her that she should just take the noise down a notch. Catch her while shes doing homework or alone and bring it up. My exs mom was very open about her son and my sexual relationship and it was easy not only for me to talk to her but her son as well. The easiest way is just to say what needs to be said:) best of luck!

Anna - posted on 12/01/2013

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Brittany, I would like to point out that we are not American. We live in Europe.

To be honest, I was quite stunned, shocked and horrified about some of the opinions about children posted here.

Our daughter is 16. She is legally allowed to have sex with whoever she wants, with the exception of her teachers, trainers or coaches.

I do not know how things are done where you live, but here parents do not tell their teenage kids who they can hang out with. That may work when your child is 5, but a 16 year old is only two years away from being legally an adult.

Once she has her A Levels she will go to university - where we cannot run her life. I would much rather that she is prepared for life and learns to take responsibility now, rather than when it is too late.

Brittany - posted on 12/01/2013

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I just have to ask, "Have you thought about her reputation?" Kids talk! Teenage girls and guys talk! (Girls get bad reputations for everything!). And Unfortunately, I think you are going to regret this. Her friends parents may decide that their kids don't need to hang around your daughter because of this. That could affect her. I really don't think I would want my 16 year old daughter going to a home where I know they openly allow kids to have sexual encounters! I know you wouldn't "allow" other kids to do this in your home but I can assure you, parents will think the worst! And no matter what you say, this boyfriend of hers is bragging to his friends! 99% of kids aren't in LOVE at 16 no matter how much they think they are! She's going to have a line of guys trying to be her "boyfriend" for all the wrong reasons! And at what point do you say, "That's enough!" Is it after the first guy? The second? What about the 10th guy before she's 18? Please understand that I am not calling your daughter a "slut" or "hoe", I'm just asking! Because most 16-18 year old girls go through 10-100 boyfriends during that time!

I say, "Good for you!" when it comes to being open and honest with your daughter. That's how it should be. And I'm not saying you should send her out to have sex in a car but I think there are better ways to handle this. Maybe not giving her permission to have sex right under your nose but supporting the decisions she makes. I can promise you that you don't want her to look back on her wedding night and say, "I really wish I would have waited and I wish my mom would have encouraged that a little more!"

I'm not judging you! I think to each their own! But I really think you should look at all the ways you could be negatively affecting her instead of just the few benefits you see from this!

I wish y'all the best and I know you didn't ask for my advice on raising your daughter. I was just wanting to bring up a few other issues that may not have been thought of!

A few last questions... How old was she when she was first allowed to do this? How long have her and the boyfriend been together? And did you consult with his parents before allowing them to do this? (I have 2 sons and I would be furious to find out this was taking place!)

Sandra - posted on 12/01/2013

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Ask your daughter if she can hear you and her dad having sex? If she says yes or no, tell her that you can hear her, and the neighbors might be able to also.

She may thinks its cool, like bragging rights.

Kids are having sex whether we like it or not. Let her know condoms should be used in every act, anytime one part touches another, that there is no safe place/body area to not use them.

Kerry - posted on 12/01/2013

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You are right, if she wasn't doing it safe in your house she could be doing it in parks or out in the open. I think this is what some of these mams are forgetting. And forgetting how hurtful it is to be called a bad parent for something you clearly have taken time to weigh up and consider before enforcing in your house, so good on you!

Try making a light but serious joke about it, something like 'I take it you and what ever his name's relationship is going well from what I hear. Could you keep it down though? ' that way no ones feelings get hurt and no one gets embarrassed 😊

Roze - posted on 11/30/2013

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Wow 16 is a bit young for such adult behavior.. I find that odd that at that young age you are allowing her bf (that most likely wont last)spend the night. Why dont you encourage her to wait until she's a little more responsible to have sex? I mean is she working? Yet you just allow her to do that. Theres no way to prevent pregnancy 100% but abstinence so if she does end up preg I wonder how you would feel. I am not trying to bash you but as a parent you shpuld encourage her in sports or something not sex, shes still a baby. But to each is own.

Asia - posted on 11/30/2013

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Ya know..there are so many parenting methods out there its no wonder we as moms post our questions and concerns asking strangers for advice...tell her to one it down..be firm..and i can see u did that already..
btw..gud for you for thinking outside the box and taking those risk we all take in raising our kids. not all may agree on what ur doing, but at least your putting the time and effort into what you believe.
Fyi.. i couldnt allow this with my own daughter...let us know how it fares out...

Anna - posted on 11/29/2013

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Lana, it is no not pleasant. My husband flinched every time we heard something. He avoids it by busying himself somewhere else. He has fixed things that have been broken for years.

Intellectually, he agrees that we are doing the right thing. Emotionally he still thinks of our daughter as a little innocent girl.

Lana - posted on 11/29/2013

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Oh wow.... Lol I couldn't imagine how hard it is hearing your child getting nailed.

Elisabeth - posted on 11/29/2013

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I was rasied with a similar philosphy and I can tell you that there are some drawbacks if not handled correctly. Mostly you can be to permissive. I was crying out for help and attention and love when I was a teen. I wanted my parents to tell me that they cared about me and that my first bf who I did sleep with in my parents home, was not a healthy choice. I never did do it in a car unitl much later with my husband. :) I wish there had been conversations regarding my teen sexual activity, not just permissiveness. So in short I encourage you to talk to your daughter about how her loud sex is neagtively effecting the family. She porbably has no idea. And to all of you naysayers. I am sorry to break the news to you but they are going to do it anyway so better that they be safe and yes comfortable in a loving environment.

Anna - posted on 11/29/2013

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I have had a little, brief talk with my daughter. Apparently she was not aware they were making that much noise.

She was very embarrassed about the whole thing and promised to keep the noise down. She said she already knew how.

She is using the condoms, by the way. Both her and her boyfriend are very much aware of the risks of unprotected sex.

And since I keep finding used condoms and wrappers in the garbage bin, I am quite confident that she is keeping herself safe.

Charlene - posted on 11/28/2013

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So far the comments I've seen on this are just people making too big a deal of this.

I think what you're doing is the best thing possible. If you push a teen not to have sex, guaranteed they will find a way and place to have sex, and that's a 90% chance it's not in a safe place, with safe methods.

I believe it's FAR better having your child in your own home if they're going to have sex, because at least you can SEE and MEET the person they intend to sleep with, provide them with the methods they need to have safe sex and inform them of what not to do when doing so.

As for telling them to tone it down, I would tell your Daughter straight up that it's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's uncomfortable for you to hear it, the same as it would make her feel if she could hear you. Tell her the truth, don't bend it or try to leave bits and pieces out. Honesty is the key for just about anything.

BARNES - posted on 11/28/2013

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i never said she was my daughter and i most certainly wasnt scolding her. i was just sayin i would never let my daughter do that. if you actually read my post i was giving her tips, but i was more like telling her if she is actually letting her have sex in her own house she should keep it down so dont go talking to me like you know me honey cauuse you dont know me and everybody has their own opinion like you. i could be telling you to mind your own business and this post isnt about me or anybody else its only about the lady who posted it and her daughter.. So, unless you have tips or hints, walk your own way and get over it. (;
ps and i was more like joking with the lady most of all if you couldnt tell by my post.

Brooke - posted on 11/28/2013

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Honestly.. Is this girl your daughter? No. So, unless you have tips or hints, walk your own way and get over it. It isn't as extreme as those mothers on the news, and this is 2013. KIDS HAVE SEX, regardless of parental consent or not. You may not agree, but don't scold this lady like she is your child for making her own parenting decisions. Honestly, MYOB.. Just because you don't condone it, that doesn't mean it's illegal.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/27/2013

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Also keep in mind, you may supply condoms but they may not use them. I don't know anyone that likes condoms. The feeling is completely different, or maybe I'm just unfortunate.

Lacye - posted on 11/27/2013

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While I don't agree with your approach when it comes to sex, I'm just going to say this. You say you have a great relationship with your daughter and you are happy for her that she is exploring her sexuality, then you should be able to talk to her. Sit her down and say, "Look, glad you are having a great time, but keep the volume down. Don't wanna hear you banging your boyfriend."

And you really can't complain too much because you are the one that told her she could have sex in your house. You probably should have guessed something like this was going to happen. You gave her permission and she just so happens to be a screamer.

LalaBoom - posted on 11/27/2013

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HahaahAHahAH I'm sorry, I'm laughing because I can ONLY imagine how awkward this must feel for you....

Having said that, I commend you for making such a bold decision in how to handle your daughter's sexual autonomy.

I disagree with most people. No one would know your daughter better than you. If your 16y/o is responsible, I don't see the problem with helping her make educated decisions about sex. Some people have sex early, others later.

Having said that, I think you should approach her in a lighthearted way. For example, if you hear something really loud, you can say, you're louder than that! and make it into a joke.... I think she'll get the hint.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/27/2013

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Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think it's wrong for a 16 year old to be exploring her own body by herself, wouldn't it have been easier to buy her a computer and just told her to watch porn? Lol.

It just worries me if she were to accidentally get pregnant... My mom brought me up the right way by teaching me the whole save it for marriage and it's a beautiful thing if shared with your true love... All that stuff.
I ended up getting pregnant at 16 that's how I had my first child. If I could turn back time I would still have done it but seriously if I didn't have the support that I did I would have been screwed. And I struggled many times, I was robbed of my childhood. I wasn't even done school.
Luckily I was one of those rare teens around here that actually stayed home and matured fast, no going out and all that jazz. No partying...
I bend over backwards for my family I always have but I pray to god your girl doesn't end up with a surprise pregnancy. Because, again. The struggles when I had my own place were just, sad. No teen mom should ever have to go through the choice of "should I buy milk, or buy wipes?"
Usually when people are robbed of their childhood as well they just go nuts when they're older.. well all the people I know anyway.

Anywho, when my child turns old enough I will explain to her that sexuality isn't bad and exploring your body yourself on your own time quietly isn't taboo but you should always save that one special moment for you and your spouse because it truly is magical.
Also, I will buy her a car LOL.

Ev - posted on 11/27/2013

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To the ones that expressed how to talk to this girl by her mother about how loud she is: This isn't funny at all. This girl may be on her way to troubles later in life with this kind of behavior. My parents would have SH** a brick so to speak if I did that in their house let alone be allowed to do so. As most said there is plenty of time to do this later on when she is a lot older and can handle the emotions and physical portions of sex. Just because your body is ready for the act does not mean that you are. Also, with pregnancy, how many know that a young teen girl's body is not meant to handle that as yet because she is still developing? I got this fact straight from one of my teachers in high school in a child development class we were taking. One of the girls there was expecting and it became a topic of interest as we took the class. Lucky for us, we were given step by step as she went through the last few months of pregnancy with what she was going through. It was not easy for her because she had a few complications though things came out fine. Is this what this girl's mom wants to deal with is the question if the condoms do not protect against a baby coming?

Brooke - posted on 11/27/2013

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Just joke about it.. "hey, (insert name here), your father and I were kept up by you and your boyfriend last night.. RUDE! Hahaha." She'll feel a bit embarrassed, but she'll get the point.

Annie - posted on 11/26/2013

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I guess when we see things like this we have to always remember a few classic quotes of............

"The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree"
And
"Always consider the Source"

As messed up as this situation is with a 16 year old having sex in her parents home and obviously her Mom and Dad allowing it she obviously has learned this behavior close by and clearly wasn't given clear good direction in life.

Annie - posted on 11/26/2013

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This Exactly, well put Guava girl. Sorry btw hun for quoting your comment as I'm not trying to steal your comment but there was no option for quoting so I had to copy and paste it to my response to you. I totally agree exactly with what you put in response to the OP. I too would be freaking out if this was my girls and being raised in the family I was raised in my Dad and mom would NOT be very happy for sure. I was actually raised Catholic. Now I will admit I didn't wait until I was married to have sex and I feel guilty about that somewhat as I know I disappointed my parents but I certainly didn't have sex at 16 let alone would've EVER DONE IT in my parents home.

Quoting Guava Girl


''I would be freaking out if that were my daughter!!! My husband would pop a top!!! She is way too young to be having a guy sleep over. What is this teaching her about respect? How will this positively influence her future when her and that guy break up? What if later on in life, she wishes she had kept her virginity?"

Annie - posted on 11/26/2013

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Well if your going to not have a problem with your 16 year old daughter having sex in your home than unfortunately as gross as it is hearing her do what she is doing well as harsh as this sounds you and her father kinda get what you deserve by hearing her do what she is doing. As a Mother to two beautiful girls I certainly wouldn't want to hear my girls doing that with a BF but then again I would never allow it while they are living under my roof nor would I allow my son to do that with a GF either, it just seems class less for any parent to allow that. It's too bad that their is so much peer pressure on teens these days to do crap like that and also it's disturbing to say the least. Personally I don't think a 16 year old girl has any business having sexual relations with any boy at that age and should wait until she is at least 18. The first time I had sex is when I was 21 years old. I'm not saying that to say or sound like I'm out to be better than anyone else but I'm also glad I didn't play with fire in my teens either. Hope you and her father are possibly ready to be grandparents prematurely early smh!
she and the dude may be using protection but that by no means is a secure stop to any pregnancy at all that may happen.
Furthermore, There is more than enough time for teens to be sexually active and there is no rush for it. It's not a life or death situation that if you don't have sex it's going to shorten your life lol
What do most of us expect, look at the crap on tv these days and most shows encourage things like this anyway.

Guava - posted on 11/26/2013

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Oh, and condoms do not always prevent pregnancy...Neither does birth control. I am an example of that. Got pregnant using both. So, don't be so sure.

Guava - posted on 11/26/2013

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I would be freaking out if that were my daughter!!! My husband would pop a top!!! She is way too young to be having a guy sleep over. What is this teaching her about respect? How will this positively influence her future when her and that guy break up? What if later on in life, she wishes she had kept her virginity?

Joshlynn - posted on 11/26/2013

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No one has the patent on parenting. My way is different from yours. I think this is a respect issue. Sex in itself is nothing to be ashamed of, however she seems to lack the maturity to realize how her activity unease's the rest of the house hold. Her Sexuality should not be force fed to the rest of the family. I don't want my children to be ashamed of their sexuality but a sex session in my home I would never support. If he is a minor you may fine yourself taking 100% responsibility for what you allow at your house. Does she sleep over at his home? (not that it matters) Sex is mental and physical. Being in a position to take responsibility for your own actions have to be part of the package. Financially they are responsible for nothing you provide the roof, food, clothing, medical,and condoms and a place to have sex. Should they get careless you may be taking care of a baby. Boyfriends and girlfriend can come over to spend time but no overnights. Any boyfriend or Girlfriend that is interested in a real relationship and have good intent should want to impress the parents. If that person is looking for sex showing respect to the person or that persons family will never happen. In the end she will do or don't do what you allow.I would be carefully because she could ended up getting used.He may be hard pressed to fine a girl he can have this type of relationship with.He should work to earn a place in her heart. End result you should not be made to feel uncomfortable in your home. She can have 100% reign and freedom when she gets her own place. That's what I call motivation!

Ev - posted on 11/26/2013

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And I posted earlier on this thread what I grew up with and what I taught my kids. I am not going to repeat it again, so if anyone wants to know back up to those previous posts. I did not lecture my kids about not having sex until marriage. I taught them it was better to wait until marriage. I met my ex-husband we wanted to get married but were not able for a while because of work and managers (we worked in a store together on different shifts and rules were no spouses in same stores aka Walmart in the 1980's to 1990's). By the time we did get married we had been together. HE was the only one I was with. I never tried to have sex in high school because of my father's line, "If you get pregnant, you will take care of it." And he meant it. Also, we got the care of young kittens we wanted up every three hours feeding them every night until they could eat on their own (I looked at that as a precurser to having a baby and did not want to loose my sleep among other things). When it came to my daughter, I have taught her the right time to have sex is to wait until marriage no matter how old it sounds to others, it gave her time to decide how she wanted to do things and when. SHe met her husband at school and they are married now. She waited for the man she really loved. ANd that is the difference. SHe waited for the right person and when she was ready just as I had. That is the difference. ANd she was not 16....she was 21. We have always had an open relationship that allowed her to voice her thoughts, concerns, and ideas to me to get my guidance or thoughts on. I have the same thing with my son who is also 16 years old and not having sex at all.

What gets me is that some of you think the idea of at least waiting for the one person you really want to be with and love is barbaric. Its not barbaric....barbaric is being forced to do something you do not want to do like the Vikings did to some of those they conquered...not all of them did but the worst of them did that. I have to agree with Jodi and Shawnn on their thoughts too. Sixteen is just beginning to see the world outside their parent's home. They do not understand the responsiblities, emotional, and even the physical ramifications of this. They may know they can get a disease but trust to know that when they get into that moment they are not going to thing about that much less worry about a condom no matter where it is available. I think allowing kids the freedom to have sex in the home or at the other partner's house is not responsible on the part of the parents or the kids because it seems like no one is stopping to talk about what happens if he or she decides to break it off? What happens when he or she does not say they love me anymore? What do you say when you find out that a baby is on the way? What do you say when they are an emotional wreck because of the breakup? There are many more questions I could post but won't because it would be too long. But the point is if a parent just seems to be allowing the sex in the house without making sure the kids understand what can happen in situations they might not even thing of; then what is the point.

I never said sex was bad, shameful, and something to think of as such. I said it was a beautiful thing between two people who know what they want out of life and with who they want to have it with, that they love this person and care deeply for them, that they want to share something special and it is a GIFT that you give that person. What is wrong with this way of thinking?

Briana - posted on 11/26/2013

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Shawn and Jodi. I'm not saying EVERYONE is doing it, but a enough teenagers are that I can say she won't be teased for having sex. I'm not saying all parents should let their child have sex. Some children are very smart and decide on their own that their parents are right and they don't want to have sex at an early age or before marriage but there are some that are curious enough that they WILL do it. And most of the time they do it because their parents lecture them not to. I know from experience. I was that 16 year old having sex in a none safe place because my mom lectured me all the time about everything and it just made me want to do it more. Yet my best friend had her mom tell her how it's not a good idea but it's your choice. And you know what? She waited to have sex! I feel I can understand more because it hasn't been very long since I was 16. I could say that I didn't plan on having sex at such an early age but that changed when I thought I was in love. Your kids minds can change that easy if they believe they are in love.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/26/2013

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I always love the ones who come on here and say "it's no big deal, because EVERYONE is doing it."

Brianna, got statistics on that? I have 2 teenagers myself (one's actually moved out now, and STILL a virgin, tyvm) And a 100% success ratio with abstinence in my household.

The really cool thing here? If you actually teach your kids that sex (the act) isn't that important to their "maturing", and teach them how to respect themselves, and others, they don't feel the pressure to sleep around.

We're open in our house as well. My boys know full well the expectations of premarital sex. They know that they could possibly be stuck with some stupid bitch for the rest of their lives if the fuck the wrong one and get her pregnant, because I will not support, nor tolerate the idea of an abortion. They know that they'll be expected to pay their portion of support and fight for joint custody.

But they also know that sex, until you REALLY understand yourself, your thoughts, your body, and your needs is not all that. As a matter of fact, sex sucks unless you have the right partner. I WISH I'd not have listened to my mother and her "the condoms are here, bring your boyfriend home and have sex anytime" crap. I'd have been much happier being able to have my first sexual experience with my husband, because the sex is AWESOME. Prior to that, orgasm was only achieved if I did it myself.

And, honestly? If you're encouraging your child to explore s/m bondage scenarios...a 16 yo cannot determine if that is something that she really WANTS, or if she's doing it because her boyfriend wants her to. Not advisable at all.

But, you asked how to proceed.

Tell her to put a sock in it. Tell her you're tired of hearing teh commotion, and if they can't stifle it with pillows, etc, they're getting too carried away. If they're mature enough for s/m scenarios and screaming sex, they're old enough to hear that it bothers other people. If they are "embarrassed" they shoudn't have been fucking in the first place.

Oh, and yeah...Back seats, trampolines, in the park, in the woods...Some of my BEST sexual experiences...not "safe at home"...LOL

Danicia - posted on 11/26/2013

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I would just remind her that there are other people in the house and the walls don't silence everything from room to room. sometimes a simple reminder like that will help be more aware of the situation (it's easy to forget about the noise factor sometimes).
I applaud you for your openness with your daughter and sex, it is definitely an interesting arrangement but it seems to work for you guys. wish you luck in finding some quiet ;)

Jodi - posted on 11/26/2013

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Actually, Brianna, I teach 16 year olds, and while they have thoughts of sex, or want to have sex, the majority aren't actually having sex. It is only a minority who are. Most are still in that place where they are finding it a curiosity and exploring their options. The ones who ARE having sex are the ones being taught that it is no big deal. And let's face it, it IS a big deal because you shouldn't be out there having sex with just anyone.

Briana - posted on 11/26/2013

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I just wanted to say this isn't the 60's or 70's anymore. This girl will not be called a slut because she is having sex at 16. Wanna know why? Because in every school almost EVERY young teenager is having sex, or WANTS to have sex these days. I agree with this mother for letting her child make her own choices and I think it is better to know about her child having sex rather than to be lied to about it and find out later.

Nicole - posted on 11/26/2013

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Anna,

I agree with one person that said if you have an open and honest line of communication with her, then simply ask her to be mindful of the noise. I see alot of people jumping down your throat about your decision to knowingly let your daughter have sex; but what people need to realize is that these "morals and values" that some parents have tried to teach their kids/teenagers has never been the golden answer to make their kids stop having sex! It just doesn't work that way! While I personally would encourage my son to wait until he is at least 18 like I did, I agree that a different approach to sex is in order...because simply telling kids its wrong and trying to scare them out of it doesn't work that effectively either. My dad explained sex to me as a kid, I was raised in a church, was told it was meant for marriage...I wanted to wait, but ultimately ended up having sex at 18 anyway!

So I think for people to instantly condemn a method different from theirs is a little short sighted. In the end no amount of lecturing or guilt is going to make them do it or not do it. If a kid doesn't want to do it, they won't...if they do, they will. My sisters are 18 and 21...both still virgins. Not because of anything my dad said...but because they want to for their own reasons.

Just sayin...

Jodi - posted on 11/25/2013

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Personally, I wouldn't be encouraging the sex at 16 (and yes, I have a 16 year old, he isn't having sex), however, I don't know what prompted you to allow it in your house, etc. That's your decision, not one I would make, but your decision.

Having said that, however, if you have such an open and honest relationship about these things, why can't you just let them know enough is enough? You have a right to feel comfortable in your own home. She shouldn't have to feel ashamed. It's common courtesy. Asking someone to keep it quiet isn't about shame. You might actually be doing her a favour. Wouldn't you rather be the one to embarrass her than the strangers in the next hotel room or the next door neighbours?

And can I just say.....there is nothing wrong with the back of a car or a trampoline in the back yard or in a park. All things I have done as a consenting adult and am quite happy for my children to experience.

Megan - posted on 11/25/2013

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Empty of values respect and morals? I think this lady is raising a girl who is will continue to be honest with her parents. Not sneaking out, partying, sleeping around. Obviously the parents know the boyfriend, he is not some stranger, or a different guy every weekend. And who knows how long they have been in a trusting relationship. Waiting for marriage is barbaric in this day and age. And like she said teens are going to have sex whether u know about it or not, just be glad she is safe and being honest. I think Anna maybe u cud off handedly make a joke about it, just keep it light or be serious and say OK Im glad ur being safe staying home and using condoms but we can hear u (and its not pleasant) can u please keep the volume down.

Crystal - posted on 11/25/2013

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You know you can get many STDs from oral sex? And that a 16 year old doesn't have the cognitive ability to fully understand the consequences of her action?This is disturbing on so many levels. She's being led down a path of heartache and a life of unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships. Not to mention one of disrespect. What happens when she comes home in tears because her high school has labeled her a slut? How will you comfort her during her inevitable breakup and explain away her regret for sharing the most intimate of moments with some other child who will not remember or think about her in a few years? Or when she comes home pregnant? Because it WILL happen. She will NOT use a condom every time. She will not stop to think. Because she is a child. I am so frightened of the children we are raising. What kind of world, empty of values, respect and morals are we creating?

Sarah - posted on 11/25/2013

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WOW! Is all I can say. Well, I guess you set yourself up for the situation you are in. Good luck.

Anna - posted on 11/25/2013

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I understand where you are coming from, but I do not agree with you.

I was raised with the values that sex is a beautiful thing. To deny yourself the pleasure for some outdated puritan ideals is one of the most horrible things I can imagine.

Sex, just like walking or riding a bike, requires some practice. To find out what you like, what you desire, what you do not like. It means exploration of your body and your mind.

I think at this point we should agree to disagree. Your values are very alien to me, and I thank G*d that I grew up differently. You may do the same.

Ev - posted on 11/25/2013

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I am not meaning to be offensive but there is so much more to sex than just the act and I do not care if it is her first boyfriend or another boyfriend she has down the road; its the fact that it is encouraged at all. AND for the record, I was raised with the values that you saved yourself for your husband, that sex was a beautiful thing shared between two people who cared and loved each other and RESPECTED each other. It was also when the chance of having a family came into play as well. I was taught that to respect myself I saving my body for my husband was the greatest gift I could give. I do not find sex shameful or bad. Its just that I was raised and have raised my own kids to respect it and to engage in the act when its with someone they really do love and respect.

Anna - posted on 11/25/2013

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Evelyn, you seem to have a problem with sex.

Yes, condoms have a 2% risk of pregnancy (meaning, a couple having sex every day for a year has a 2% chance of getting pregnant).

However, she will have sex at some point in her life. These risks do not just disappear because she is older.

I would rather she experiences sex with her first boyfriend as something wonderful, in a safe place, than that she thinks sex is something shameful or dangerous, as you seem to think.

I do not see how letting her first boyfriend stay over is "encouraging her to have sex with anyone". I actually find that rather offensive of you.

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