Daughter keeping grandsons from me because she's mad at me

Janice - posted on 03/29/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi, I'm 63 and don't know what to do to get to see my grandsons. My daughter Nichole is 38 but in the last year she's been very abusive to me and just likes to hurt me. She can be loving and kind at times. I watched both my grandsons (8 and 4) when they were babies till they started preschool. I'm on fixed income and can't afford attorney. I've tried talking to her and even said sorry for whatever (if anything) I did or didn't do for her to be angry with me. It's so painful. Any suggestions

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Janice - posted on 03/30/2016

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Thank you so much for responding MaryAnn, I've tried so hard to get Nichole to talk to me, I've said sorry for whatever I might have done or didn't do about 500 times. I just don't know what else to do. I tried to get a Happy Easter message to boys but to no avail. I only got a call about once a month when she needed a sitter and I always drove to her house.

Janice - posted on 03/30/2016

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Thank you so much for the Prayers. I'm praying too. I've tried to talk to her but she won't tell me anything I might have done, or didn't do. I've said sorry for whatever I did or didn't do probably 500 times. The boys are very close to me and sometimes I think she might feel threatened by that, even though they are of course close to her too, but when I was seeing them, about 1x a month, always when she needed a sitter. Distance is not a problem she lives in Concord and I live in Oakley. I just wish if there is something she would just tell me so we can get past this. Thank you everyone for prayers and help.

Raye - posted on 03/30/2016

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You have raised your daughter and made the decisions while she was growing up. Now she is an adult with her own children. She can raise them how she sees fit. That may mean that she doesn't want them around you if you two are not getting along, and she's within her rights to make that decision. Either work things out with her, or get a hobby to take your mind of it.

Aster302516 - posted on 03/30/2016

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I can understand your love for your grandsons, and I’m sorry you don’t get to see them. While I can’t offer any advice, I want you to know that I’ve prayed for you. I do hope you’re able to reconcile with your daughter, and get to spend some time with your grandsons. Hugs!

MaryAnn - posted on 03/29/2016

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There are three possibilities here.
One, you've done wrong by her or her children, or two, she FEELS you've done wrong by her. Whichever that is, you need to make that right. Ask her what you can do, and DO it. Getting a court involved, it is likely you wouldn't get anything (grandparents rights are largely about death and custody issues, judges dont really have sympathy for grandparents who dont put their relationships with their own children first), but you WILL further anger her, and you could lose even more of your relationship with her.
Option three is that there are time/travel issues, and that, my dear, you will just have to deal with.
Grandparents rights laws do NOT exist to legally force your grown adult children to do what you WANT them to do.

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