daughter left home age 15

Julie - posted on 11/20/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi im beside myself 6 days ago my 15 year old daughter left home..shes at her dads and ive heard wants to live there...shes ignoring me and I dont get on with him.....shes never done this before.....we are beyond close and we are in contact all the time usually.......its just me and her so im on my own very confused and beyond upset....what if she never comes back

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Emily - posted on 11/20/2015

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My step daughter was kinda like that too. As a step mom on the other side of all this, I agree with others have said. Your daughter is wanting that relationship with her father. My step daughter wanted that too. My husband was very excited to have that relationship. My husband tried to get into her life when she was young but her mother would not budge and fed her some crap. My step daughter wanted to live with us after meeting us. She did have stuff going on with her like getting bullied by other girls and stuff. I ended up to be the one to communicate with the mother. It was hard to be the middle man in it all. We got through it and now my step daughter is 19 and gets along with her mother better then ever.

Raye - posted on 11/20/2015

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Is her father willing to let her live there? If so, what's the harm in trying it out? Sorry if it sounds rude, but you have to get over whatever your issues are with your ex to properly co-parent with him. It's not about you and him... it's about her. At 15 years old, a judge would consider your daughter's wishes on where she wants to live, and may rule to let her remain with her father. If you were as close as you felt with your daughter, she would have been able to talk to you about her feelings instead of just taking off. You are not a bad parent for not knowing what is going on with your child, because many teens hide their feelings really well. And you have every right to be hurt and confused or even angry by this sudden action. But you need to get past your hurt and really think about what is better for her. Try to talk to her (without getting upset) about why she felt she needed to leave. Tell her she's not in trouble, you just want to understand.

What if she never comes back? Well, you've been raising her with the goal for her to one day be out on her own and be a responsible adult, right? Right now, she's not on her own, she has her father. And while you may not like him for some very good reasons, he's apparently willing to be there for her at this time. Try to arrange continued visitation with her, and let them have a go at it. It may be horrible and she'll come running back. It may be great, and she'll remain there primarily until moving out on her own. If it works out for her, is that so bad?

Maybe family counseling would help you and your daughter get to a more trusting place. If she won't go with you, maybe you should go alone to overcome the animosity toward your ex and deal with the feelings of betrayal by your daughter.

Dove - posted on 11/20/2015

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If you guys have been close and have a lot of contact... she's likely not going anywhere. She doesn't have to live w/ you to keep a relationship going. She'd likely be out in 3 years anyway, so think about that... and what are you going to do w/ yourself when she turns 18?

I can imagine and understand that you ARE very upset, but you are just going to have to find a way to be OK w/ this. She might come back to live w/ you... she might not... but either way it doesn't mean you have lost your daughter. She's growing up and will soon have a life of her own and that absolutely can still include you... as a part, not all. Hang in there!

Just to let you know... I had virtually NO relationship w/ my mom from the time I was 16 until I became a mom at 25, but we have a very good relationship now and I can't imagine our lives w/out her.

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