daughter made her self throw up friday and saturday

[deleted account] ( 71 moms have responded )

i have had a very bad day! I have a 15 year old daughter who needs to lose about 10 lbs, she begs for my help and cant stay on the diet. I feel like i want to support her but it seems like I am making things worse! she told me that she threw up on friday and on saturday because she binged on foods that werent on her diet. How do I help her? My husband thinks it is my fault and that I put to much pressure on her and he is probably right. I have been bulimic for 26 years. I know of know other way, I dont want my daughter to have to life of wasted money, bad teeth and complete insecurtiy. Help

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Michelle - posted on 04/22/2012

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Instead of "putting her on a diet" why not change the whole families eating habbits? Serve up smaller portions and cut down on fats. Doeting isn't the best way to lose weight, you need to change your eating habbits for life.

The other thing I beg of you is don't tell her she needs to lose weight. She's 15 and her body will still be changing.
I also don't know if you could be neutral since you are bulimic as well, she's seen you doing it her whole life so it's what she knows. Getting her into counciling now will hopefully help her, rather than waiting years.

Medic - posted on 04/22/2012

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Therapy does work. Most people just talk about the bad, a lot of people who have had it work wonders do not want to walk around broadcasting they are in therapy. Why does your daughter NEED to lose 10 pounds anyways? Why put all that pressure on her about her weight? Doesn't the world do enough of that? We should be teaching our children healthy daily eating not how to diet, teaching them to love themselves and be happy with who they are. Maybe you should let your husband deal with this because you have a very sick skewed view if you are bulimic.

Dove - posted on 04/22/2012

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Counseling works if the person IN counseling wants it to work, which she might not want it to work right now, but you have to do SOMETHING to help her not continue down the road that you are on. Save BOTH of you. There is also no way that a 15 year old should 'need' to lose 10 pounds. If she's not done getting taller yet there is absolutely no reason why 10 pounds should put her on any type of diet or pressure. With a healthy diet and active lifestyle she could simply maintain her weight and see if the height catches up and if not, it's only TEN pounds. It's not the end of the world. A happy, healthy, confident young woman is worth way more than 10 pounds of dieting.



My heart is breaking for your daughter to feel that kind of pressure over 10 stinking pounds! Get her help. Tomorrow.

[deleted account]

You need to read some books by Susie Orbach and stop talking about diets and loosing weight with your daughter. She is going through puberty and all women gain weight then to protect their fertility. Obsessing about food and weight at 15 is a tragedy. You need your body to be strong and healthy to support you and what you weigh is irrelevant - unless you need 2 seats on a plane. Please get professional help from a counsellor and an alternative therapist.

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Chaya - posted on 07/29/2012

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If you can't talk to a religious leader, get her into a psych ward. That sounds harsh, but you can't do this alone. She needs to be in therapy and so do you. I haven't thrown up in 10 years, which is not to say I don't want to.

Litchfield - posted on 05/23/2012

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I'm going to be blunt and probably hurt your feelings but ....
YOU ARE MAKING EXCUSES. After every post -you make an excuse.
Did you know that statistics show that bulimics only have a weight difference of 5 lbs. from where they would be without it? Your body fluxes up to 5lbs. when your body menstrates...that is nothing and you are potentially stopping your heart every time you throw up. Did you know that? YOUR DAUGHTER'S HEART COULD STOP BEATING WHILE YOU MAKE EXCUSES.
Your daughter could die because you want her to lose 10 pounds. Ten pounds could take your daughter away from you forever. Is that worth it???? Do you not think that at 15 your daughter is not aware of your actions? Your teeth show the signs, your skin shows the signs. After 26 years of this illness, it is a part of who you are and you make excuses. Do you think that because it hasn't happened to you that it won't happen to her? Are you that nieve?

My daughter went through bulimea for 2 years. It was torture everyday to see her pain and sorrow. It hurt me, her father, her brother and her sister. It is selfish. SELFISH! It is a twisted disease that starts by psychological issues and then moves to physical need. STOP this. STOP it now. Get the counseling for you both. Want to change for her. Your 15 year old deserves a full, enriching life and as a parent you have the responsibility to do everything in your power to give that to her. Send her to counseling.
She also deserves a Mom who will be around to see her graduate. To be at her wedding. To see her children. You need to knock it off and grow up. Get treatment. Want to be better. This is an addiction, a disease. Don't you want to have a great life? An active life? One that you don't have to hide in? Seek counseling yourself. What is wrong with you that you feel 5 pounds disfigures you? GO GET HELP.

I told you that I was going to offend you, but I am sheading tears as I say this to you.
God loves you.
Live the best life you can.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/16/2012

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Your daughter most definitely DOES NOT need to lose weight. YOU need to quit pushing your worries about body image onto her.

She obviously HAS seen you in your binge/purge cycle, otherwise she would not be so quick to follow it herself. Quit pushing that she's not "perfect" if she's 5-10 lbs overweight. She's 15, in puberty, going thru physical changes by the minute. Her body (as you well know) isn't done developing, and growing.

By you putting her on a diet, rather than adjusting everyone's eating habits, you did her a disservice. By giving her a list of foods that is "ok", and a list that is "not ok", you've given her reason to think she's failing you if she even so much as nibbles on a food from the "not ok" list.

BALANCE! You may still eat ice cream if you have done x minutes of physical activity...etc.

If you look the actual programs where you get a weight counselor, etc, will NOT give you a list of foods not to eat. They know better. They will give you routines for exercise, ways to cut back the AMOUNT of what you eat, while balancing the "bad" foods with the "good".

But, until you, yourself can overcome your disorder, you aren't doing your daughter any favors at all. Get her to a doctor that understands the vagaries of the teenage body. And get both yourself and her into counseling. I'd recommend separately, so that your issues don't continue to influence her choices.

Considering that I, myself, am borderline anorexic, I know that MY choices for food will affect what my kids choose. MY choices on portions, content, etc, will directly affect my children's choices. It has been difficult for me to load a plate and finish it, but I have learned that portion control is important. Rather than serving a "normal" portion, I will serve the portion that I know my stomach can hold. And then, later, I can go for seconds. It's taken me YEARS to get my body weight back to an acceptable level, but by careful management, you can succeed. The biggest thing was learning that FOOD IS NOT BAD.

Counseling. Fast.

Best of luck

Tracy - posted on 05/16/2012

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Exercise with her. Join a gym together. Diet with her. Do not make it so she has to watch everyone else eat stuff forbidden food. I am overweight and have been all my life but nothing ever hurt as much as my own mother yelling at me to get off the couch and to get out and do something and go lose some weight. After graduating of course I have found out that I have exercised induced asthma and so that when I start exercising my lungs burn and I can not breathe and suck air after 5 minutes so rather than just yelling at me and making me feel like shit perhaps if she had actually helped to "motivate" me by doing it with me she might have figured out that my medical condition prevents me from being able to do what she yelled at me to do for years.

Melissa - posted on 04/26/2012

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Im 17 and I used to starve myself because I thought I was fat. You should suggest a hobby or a sport. I joined my high school volleyball team when I was 15 to lose weight and I ended up loving the sport! Its a great work out, a great way to make friends, and it helps with self-esteem. Also, don't put her on a specific diet, let the whole family eat healthy. The important thing for her to know is that the body needs fat, sugar, and calories to survive. If she feels like she ate too much junk food, she can exercise; it could be something that you and her do together. Little tips you can tell her are that eating 3 small meals a day will help you lose weight and throwing up will allow the stomch acid to burn her trachea. She can even brush her teeth, drink water, or chew gum if she gets cravings.

Tabitha - posted on 04/26/2012

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I am 5'0 myself and used to worry about my weight as well. I used to make myself throw up all the time till I got down to 79lbs. Then I had to talk to a nutritionalist about my issue. I suggest to let her do her thing. She is still young, just keep her motivated to stay active and eat healthy as a family to help her. If you tell her she needs to loose weight &I push her she will end up to down the nasty road of belemia and I know you don't want her to do that. Exercise as a family, take walks at night after dinner and cut out all snacks after dinner.

Pamela - posted on 04/26/2012

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This kind of behavior is symptomatic of the formation of an eating disorder. Who said she needs to lose 10 lbs. ? Why does she need to lose 10 lbs.?



This country is obsessed with weight, mainly because there are so many overweight Americans who do not exercise or eat properly.



A teenager on a "diet" that is not prescribed by a doctor for her health may be headed in the wrong direction. Obsession with looks is normal at that age, but sticking to a non-prescribed diet and throwing up because she over ate according to her is a sign of emotional involvement with looks that borders on obsession. Be very careful of supporting her desires if they are to please others. She should be learning to accept herself as she is as long as she is not unhealthy.



When a person can stand naked in front of a mirror and love themselves, no matter how they "think" they look, then the mind is becoming healthy. Judging how we look mainly comes from society telling us how we should look. That is where these kinds of problems she is facing begin. Tread lightly and support her being healthy, not pleasing society , her girlfriends or following the latest "fad".

Nik - posted on 04/25/2012

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Look up a book by Constance Rhodes called getting out of the thin cage, it's a great resource for you both. She's been there and has great advice. She also started a group called finding balance which you can google.

Shakira - posted on 04/25/2012

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Honestly I think you are putting too much pressure on her.I mean she is 10lbs over her recommended weight.Seriously!!!!So she's been put on a diet so that she will be the weight that doctors & society say she should be?Very unfair!You are psychologically messing up your daughter.I'm 30 and I still have insecurities about my weight because I was always told that I was fat & not the right weight for my height.& even when I went from a size 14 to a size 10 I couldn't see the difference in my appearance I still thought I was fat!It's not a nice place to be in.Instead of teaching your daughter that she should conform to the image that society thinks she should be,you should be teaching her to be proud of who she is and to be thankful that she has food to eat.Teens have enough stress placed on them by their piers they seriously don't need their parents placing more pressure on them to fit in!!

Mandy - posted on 04/25/2012

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I would explain to your daughter that at the age of 15 she is going to still have weight changes because she is not done growing. Most kids gain a few pounds look a little chubbier and then sprout up an inch or so and are back to their normal. I would also explain the dangers and the fact that her body will actually start to slow down her metabolism and make it harder for her lose in the long run. I don't think therapy is a must but she should be monitored very closely if she continues to hurt her body by binging and purging

Sashell - posted on 04/25/2012

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I agree with one of the moms here who suggested changing your entire family's diet. While binging is not normal, it is not always a cause for therapy the first time she does it. First of all being 10lbs over what that chart says in the Dr office is not a huge deal. Where did she hear that she needs to lose weight? From you? From the Dr? From friends? She needs reassurance from you that she is fine just the way she is. If you change eating habits within the household then that could teach her better eating habits, rather than going on a "diet". Diets never last anyway. You have got to change your lifestyle completely. Try Adkins. Really yummy and it works. If your daughter is set on losing 10lbs, adkins can get it done for her. Best of luck!

Alison - posted on 04/25/2012

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I don't understand how 10 lbs could make or break someone. I cannot see myself putting a 15 year old on a diet for 10 lbs!

Studies show that what matters more than your weight is your level of activity. Focus on being active (as a family) and forget about dieting for 15 year olds. She's got her whole adult life to be on a diet.

And definitely counseling for both of you.

Jenni - posted on 04/25/2012

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My mum had always been on a diet my whole life, I am over weight yet I don't want my child to learn about diets. We all eat the same type of food - healthy, fresh fruit & vegies! Who states your child needs to lose weight - is this your perception or medical professionals. I must agree alittle with your husband that you are creating the same lifestyle for your child that you had. Both you and your husband and everyone in the family need to support each other, you child is asking and being honest about needing help so please don't ignore it. Remove all junk food and reserve them for once a week, Change food to stirfrys, salads, yogurt & fruit for breakie, remove the starchy foods like pasta, rice, potato. Get her involved in preparing the food for everyone, this will give back the power to her. Search for recipes that have more healthy choices. It sounds like your over your head so maybe stop looking towards friends and seek professional advice - dietitians, doctors, weight watchers or something similar. If you still have the same habits then she will most likely will to. She needs to realize that it's ok to fall off the program. I lost 50kgs yet I wanted to loose it, I paid for it and I FOUND A PROGRAMME THAT SUITED MY HABITS! I prefer to eat three times a day, so the programme was perfect. Others prefer to graze so if your daughter is like that then find a programme that allows for that, this will make it easier to stick to the programme. Exercise is important also so maybe as a family you all go for a walk, or find exercise that she likes including dance. I did curves and it was fantastic & I loved it so it kept me motivated! I wish you all the best and please find out first if she really needs to lose the weight or it would most likely drop of when she is older?

Leanne - posted on 04/24/2012

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How about you and your daughter get on bikes or walk in the evenings, also eat little but often she is clearly binging cause she feels hungry and show her that life isn't about diets and restricting foods but making the right choices and controlling it. She will binge if she feels she is not "allowed" these foods! I'd take a relaxed attitude regardless of how u feel the more drama that's created the more it will become an issue, nip it in the bud with love care and attention! :)

Victoria - posted on 04/24/2012

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Counseling can help if the person wants the help. My first option would to be find a different doctor. No doctor should tell a 15 yr old girl she "needs" to lose 10 pounds. 10 pounds isn't even an over weight issue. Teenagers eat crap food it's a part of life. Don't buy the junk food and it won't be in the house at all. Buy lots of fruits and vegetables to snack on. Healthy crackers or even those 100 calorie snack things. But yes get her help now before it gets worse and get a second opinion from another pediatrician or a family doctor cause that's just not right. Also if you think she doesn't know that your bulimic you're probably mistaken our kids know more then we give them credit for.

Michelle - posted on 04/24/2012

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This made sound crazy but have you tried weight watchers on line? Its actually not a diet they teach you step by step how to make a life style change,it is wonderful and they support you every step of the way. My cousin has battled weight all her life since grade school and she started it and has lost 200 pounds and she looks amazing.Just a thought its probably better than therapy. good luck

Tricia - posted on 04/24/2012

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eating disorder dr.s now. she is walking down a slippery slope and her family history is pushing her down it. You are more likely to suffer from an eating disorder if someone in your family does. If you can get her seen by an eating disorders dr. they have dietians, therapist, physical therapist and drs that help the person find a healthy weight and learn to use food as fuel for the body as it should be not as punishment

Nina - posted on 04/24/2012

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10pounds is not something to stress out about. She is 15! As long as she eats healthy and is active she will be ok. My son is always considered overweight on those charts. He is all muscle which weighs more than fat. He eats healthy and is extremely active. (he is a state ranked wrestler) I refuse to make him lose weight. They are children they don't need a complex about weight. You need to get her help w/her body image now befor it gets worse. Good luck!

Molly - posted on 04/24/2012

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She only weighs 115 and is active and a usually healthy eater? Back off! Your daughter does need counseling, and she does not need a diet. There is soo much stress put on young girls to be skinny, pushing a 15 year old to lose 10 pounds when she is not really overweight is not healthy.

Christina - posted on 04/24/2012

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Who recommended she lose 10 pounds? A physician? Or you? If it was a physician, then she should be working with a nutritionist... If it's you.... Then there lies the problem

Christina - posted on 04/24/2012

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Who recommended she lose 10 pounds? A physician? Or you? If it was a physician, then she should be working with a nutritionist... If it's you.... Then there lies the problem

Tania - posted on 04/24/2012

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You need counseling. Ten pounds? Those height/weight charts are not a guide for how all bodies should look. You are projecting your body image issues onto this child, and you both need help before you damage her for life. Please get help.

Heather - posted on 04/24/2012

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Nutrition counseling might be a good place to start. By learning which foods will be healthy and filling she will have less hunger and less desire to binge. A diet that restricts foods vs moderates them is just asking for failure. Good luck and I hope it works out well for you and your daughter.

Momma Of 4 - posted on 04/24/2012

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My mom has had an eating disorder for as long as I remember. She never ate right... and her health has deminished so bad. I myself learned that I didnt want to abuse my body and be fraik like her. Have you expressed what being bulimc has done to your body? Physically, emotionally, mentally??? She needs to KNOW what its going to do to her. 10 lbs is nothing.... shes young, needs nutrition, proteins and exercise. I wish kids didnt have such peer pressure. Im only 26 myself... and it takes time and knowledge to figure it out. Help her reach out to councelling... maybe you should go with her so you can tell the therapist your story. Good luck.

Debbie - posted on 04/24/2012

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This breaks my heart as I can relate to this myself. As and adolescent, my mother pressured me to loose weight. She broke down my self esteem and ability to see myself in any positive light. Eventually, I turned to bulemia. I did loose the weight--plus more. But I was never able to look in the mirror and see myself as anything other than the fat child my mother was ashamed of. I am now 57 years old, a wife, mother and grandmother. I still struggle with my self image. I still see myself as an overweight--non-perfect member of society. My broken self esteem has caused me so much pain and difficulties in all area's of my life. My spirit was forever broken. I have been to therapy to work on my issues. As a mother, we can only strive to teach our children about good nuetritional choices, good execise and activities. We love them unconditionally--boosting their self imaging in every way possible. Make them love themselves and see how much they are loved. No young child should be struggling so hard to loose 10 lousey pounds that they need to turn to bulemia. I am fearful that you daughter has already recieved the wrong message about herself and her body. She needs proffessional help, at this point, to hel get her back on track. Not all therapists specialize in the same thing. I would contact you nearest pediactric facility and have them refer your daughter to someone that specializes in this disease before it goes any further. She needs your love, unconditionally, without your opinion of her weight.

Blair - posted on 04/24/2012

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I hope that at this point for both you and your daughter you will seek treatment. I know this seems like a drastic step but after 26 years I would imagine you are exhausted living in your disease, and that is what food addiction is just like any addiction. It is something that can seem so hard and helpless but it can get better. I have been in recovery from addiction for a little over 3 1/2 years and I am so grateful to live in recovery and be able to show that life to my daughter. You are at a very important crossroads for your daughter and how she will see food and body image forever, and your view is skewed by years of bulimia. I truly hope you will get help ASAP- there are tons of treatment options and most include family therapy which could be hugely benefitial for you and your family.

Sherry - posted on 04/24/2012

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My niece became bulimic after her then boyfriend told her she was fat, even though she wasn't. Now she's been struggling with this eating disorder for 3 years and for what? Because of somebody else's opinion of her. By the way, this boyfriend is long gone. We live in a society that's really becoming sick about its weight loss expectations. Women used to be proud to be a size 6-8. Now that size is considered fat and women and girls are expected to be an anorexic type of thin, a size 00, a totally unhealthy, unnatural type of thin. As long as we women continue putting up with this, it will never change. It will only get worse. What is wrong with striving for being healthy, instead of sickeningly thin? What's wrong with loving ourselves the way we are? Teens need to be taught to be healthy, to exercise and eat right, and most important, that they are loved and accepted for who they are, not their jeans size. There's a saying I like; "Real men like curves. Only dogs like bones".

Laura - posted on 04/24/2012

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I recommend the Paleo diet. look it up. there are free recipes on fastpaleo.com. whole foods and complete abstinence from sugar will often break carb cravings and she will get down to her normal weight naturally. I recommend it to all my patients. but don't hesitate to get her to an eating disorder specialist. she is the prime age to develop an eating disorder and if it runs in the family, it is important to jump on this now and not wait. I also personally think it is important to surround her with strong intelligent women who are successful in life and who are all shapes and sizes. Don't let her read BS teen magazines that are filled with pictures of super thin models who will only reinforce negative body image issues.

Leslie - posted on 04/24/2012

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GET HELP FAST....call the family physician who will direct you to the proper agency.

Anna - posted on 04/24/2012

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First of all, you have to make her believe that no matter how much she weighs, she is still beautiful and it's her inside that matters. Second, explain to her that bulimia is a progressive disease, you don't want to be bulimic. Third, make a committment that her that you will seek help. Otherwise, your daughter is gonna think if you're living with bulimia why can't she. Fourth, you need to educate both her and yourself. Get books on bulimia and books on proper nutrition and exercise. There is no miracle diet. You need to make a lifestyle change. I recommend "A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia" by Marya Hornbacher and "The Family Nutrition Book" by William Sears, to start. The sooner you start treating bulimia, the easier it is to recover from it.



Speaking from personal experience, my mother has been bulimic for many many years and I was one myself for 2 yrs. My mom never addressed her issue but I took matters into my own hands and fixed my problem. I made a rule for myself that if I had to binge, it would be only on healthy food choices, such as fruit and veggies. Avoid processed food with no nutritional value as the chemicals they contain they only increase your food cravings. Once you get on a roll with healthy eating, your body will adjust and you won't crave all the garbage anymore. I also started a journal. Getting your feelings down on paper really helps. And I tried to keep myself constantly busy. If I felt like binging, I went for a run or a I took up writing or reading or drawing, some activity. Also, get out of the house with no wallet. That way, you won't be tempted by the fridge and you won't be able to buy anything. And most important, eat at least 3 meals a day, breakfast especially, as you won't be so hungry. Good luck - this problem is curable.

Diana - posted on 04/24/2012

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I come from a family that has had a lot of medical issues and the issue of food always come up. My father died from esophogal cancer when I was 11. He was 63. His last year he was unable to eat anything that wasn't liquified and even then was no guarantee that he could keep it down. My mother died at 46 from a massive heart attack. She was 5'5" and 280 lbs. My husband is 40 and is now diabetic with high blood pressure and high cholesterol that cannot be controlled by statins because he is statin-intolerant. All these issues end up revolving around food in one way or another. We recently had to change our diet completely in order to cut out potatoes, corn, processed foods, red meat, bacon, etc. Surprisingly, this wasn't that hard on our 2 kids (11 & 9) because of the way that we handled it. Instead of concentrating on the things that we can have rather than the things that we shouldn't have. We explained to the kids that we need to eat healthier so that we can keep daddy around longer. We were open and honest with the health reasons and what the benefits were. We told them what food items were harmful and what exactly was the effect on his body of eating the items because his body is unable to process them. I keep it positive, but educate them about the health risks. We don't use the word "Diet" ever. Instead we refer to it as "eating healthier". When you say that you "can't" have something, it just makes you crave it more. We turned mealtime in to something more fun rather than a negative experience. I ask the kids to help with recipe and meal ideas. I will give them a list of ideas and ingredients and we will brain-storm about what meals we can come up with. We experiment and have come up with some great new meals. What could have been a negative experience has become a positive one. Mealtime has become more of a family bonding time. Now, not only has my husband lost 40 lbs., but we get to try new foods! Perspective is everything. If you are losing weight the reasons should be for your health, not your appearance. You never know how long you have with your loved ones. The time you have shouldn't be wasted on worrying about your body image. I would sit down with your daughter and tell her that from now on you are a team and are banishing the word "Diet" from your vocabulary. Tell her that you are going to eat healthier together and that includes snacks. You are not going to go hungry, instead you are going to find creative and healthy foods to eat that taste great. Meals are going to be about bonding time rather than about what you shouldn't be eating. Good luck!

Noreen - posted on 04/24/2012

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My daughters grew right until they were 18yrs old, your daughter may still be growing,

She may need more protein in her diet as this takes the hunger away.

Counseling only helps if the person wants it.

you sound like you are doing all the right things, but I would not focus so much on her 10lbs. It is unfortunately that she was told she is overweight. Also keep non healthy foods out of the house, then the temptation is removed.

Check out this website, and see if there is any information that will help you. http://www.mygreatshapetoday.com/noreen

Zoe - posted on 04/24/2012

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I am VERY surprised that your doctor recommended a 10 lb weight loss for a 15 yr old. 10lbs is nothing, and certainly not worth destroying the body image of a child over. i think a new, more sensible and positive doctor AND the therapy that so many others are recommending might help. Also, are you sure she doesn't know about your bulimia? children are perceptive, and she has probably noticed you worrying about your weight and maybe paid attention to how you handle it. get this poor girl help ASAP.

Diana - posted on 04/24/2012

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Ten lbs. is not overweight. My fear would be that your history of bulimia is clouding your judgement of your daughter's weight. If she were 30 lbs. overweight, I would be more concerned, but not 10 lbs. At the age of 15 your daughter's body is still changing. She is growing and getting ready to grow. The body often "bulks up" before growth spurts. Besides that, who knows how much of that is water weight from hormones. She is already so worried about eating items not on her diet that she made herself throw up. The best thing that you can do for yourself and for her is to seek counseling for yourself. Be open and honest with her about your struggles and how you believe that it may be affecting your judgement on the subject of weight. Ask her for her help to help you through this. Together maybe you can both find some happiness. No one 15-year-old should feel that they have to obsess about their weight. What are the reasons that she "needs" to lose weight? If it is just to look better than there is your answer. Losing weight should be primarily for health reasons...is it putting extra strain on her heart? Is it because she has some other underlying medical issue that 10 lbs. is going to make the difference? I would tend to agree with your husband. Please, please, please seek counseling. Your daughter looks up to you. You are her role model. Show her that what you have done is not healthy. Show her that you are still struggling with it. Show her that you need her to help you through this. Together you can work this out. At 15 she shouldn't be made to feel insecure because of being 10 lbs. more than the ideal weight for her age. Instead of concentrating on food, concentrate on exercize, but make it fun. Make it something that the two of you do together as bonding time. If you ride bike, run, or walk together, make a scavenger hunt out of it to help take some of the obsession with your body appearance out of it. You should love yourself for who you are and learn to be comfortable in your own skin regardless of the packaging it comes in.

[deleted account]

Are you kidding me!!!! She is 4'11" - So am I!!! and I am petite, I wear a size 6, and I am 120 pounds. She is FINE. When I drop down to the "ideal" weight - I look SICKLY. Disgusting. My legs look like chicken legs. Its GROSS. I get hit on everywhere I go. I am BEAUTIFUL in my eyes at this weight, and it seems in everyone's eyes as well. Your daughter needs to read this, and feel this way. You are doing nothing but harm in making her lose that weight. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Emily - posted on 04/24/2012

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I am a registered dietitian and I have worked at an eating disorder inpatient facility for about 3 years. Trust me, you do NOT want her to get so bad that she ends up like some of those women. It is a sad life when an eating disorder takes over. If your daughter is bingeing and purging, she has a VERY serious problem and I would recommend that she see a therapist that SPECIALIZES in eating disorders. A nutritionist or dietitian is not enough. Usually people binge for emotional reasons and the sooner your daughter can uncover why she is doing this, the better! Show her the love and support that she needs by doing all that you can to fix this problem. Now.

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I hope this isn't hurtful, but I have to say if your daughter is active and only about 10 lbs outside the recommended range, she does not "need" to lose weight. I struggled with my body image for many years, and for me the recommended weight always made me look sick, so it's possible that just isn't right for her. I agree counseling would be best, especially if trying to handle it yourself is putting too much stress on everyone, but I think you should join her in counseling also, it will show her that this is important and you will be more able to help her through it. Good luck, I hope you can work it out now, the earlier the better.

Yurena - posted on 04/24/2012

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Why does she need to loose 10lb? Did a doctor tell you so? Example is everything, if you eat badly and say stuff like 'I'm so fat, I don't deserve this or that' they'll soak it up. I recommend you both to go to therapy. A 15 yo girl rarely needs to go on a diet unless she is seriously overweight, cos girls tend to be a bit chubby at that age with hormones and growing stuff and then naturally get to their adult weight. Don't interfere. I think your own eating disorder is not letting you see reality but it's good you realise something is not right, listen to your husband and get professional help. Sadly these things are very common nowadays. All the best, xxx.

Mary Kay - posted on 04/24/2012

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This is hard for both you and your daughter. An extra 10 lbs does not constitute obesity. At 15, with all the harmonal changes going on in her body, those few extra lbs might actually be healthy. Some of today's doctors are oversensitive to minor weight issues.

Make an appointment with her doctor by yourself. Let that doctor know the impact his/her words had on your daughter. If her self-esteem was wavering to start with, even a casual comment on the part of the dr could have sent her over the edge. If the doctor is not sympathetic, find a new pediatrician, preferably one that has lots of experience with teens.

Possibly get psychological help for both of you. Family therapy ought to be considered.

Does your daughter have any hobbies? Encourage her to indulge her interests. Any sport or dancing would be ideal but even a non-physical activities will help her to focus on things other than her appearance/weight/food. It would be really great if you could find an activity that you could both participate. How about crocheting? Bicycling? Theater? Volleyball? Horseback riding? Yoga? Environment or Social Activist. So many different activities to help in so many positive ways.

Helga - posted on 04/23/2012

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Wait, wait with the therapist! It is most probably not necessary! To get to be a full blown bulimic is a work that takes months, perhaps years, i guess it depends on the person. But in general, if she made herself throw up a few times, so she has! ESPECIALLY since she told YOU, you now KNOW it's a cry for attention and help! At this point it's NOT a desease!

But here is the deal, i know you won't like to hear this but: when you cry for help, you hope that somebody (your mom) is going to solve YOUR problem, where as it is in reality only YOU who can do that. But you need to put in the hard work yourself and not rely on others. I know this is really hard at 15 especially, combined with the mountain of insecurities you have anyway.



Try to get to her in her own channels... I am a firm believer in healthy lifestyles and it works for me but it hasn't always. When you are a teen, you are just not that conscious about your body functions, you don't always see the big picture. So the "lets eat healthy" blabla might not work on her. If she has a smartphone, why don't you make her sign up for MyFitnessPal or some other calorie and nutrient tracking app? They are easy to use, you could even call it fun at times, and when you entered your meals it doesn't only give you an amount of total calories but a detailed breakdown on nutrients. Eg. it will tell you you overdid your carbs and sugars and lacking on your proteins and carbs. She will get to understand the basics in an empiric way and if the effort comes from HER and not others it will be that much more valuable.



Also: SUPER important, being active and doing certain sports is not enough. One of the activities needs to be cardio, and it needs to be done every second day at least. And cycling to school doesn't qualify. Running or swimming, not many more options. She will have the fantastic body she so wants, and she will stay on track by herself. Just get her to begin.



Finally, as motivation a subscription for WOmens Health or some other similar monthly might do wonders! I know it's inspiring to lots of women to read success stories and be confronted with the pictures of not superskinny models but fit, healthy women.



Good luck :)

Tomara - posted on 04/23/2012

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Go organic! And what is your definition of healthy? Stop dieting and have a health live-it. Try being a vegan, my whole family is and we love it. We also ride our bikes around 40 miles a week. Tell your daughter that she is beautiful and that you love her frequently. Take her out of public school and homeschool her and plant a garden and plant the veggies you all like and ones you want to try!! Get the book called rawsome foods! Councilors are not the best idea.

Rocio - posted on 04/23/2012

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Hi terri. First of all dont blame yourself,even better talk to your daughter about how your problem with bullimia affected you, work togheter on it.
I dont think that the word ''diet'' helps on this i rather call it a ''change of habits'' is easier to eat something that is not good for you when u have it at home, change your junk food such as fried potatoes and all those salty snacks for fruits and vegetables,drink natural juices not packaged ones,it wont be easy but if you work togheter on this it will be better.

Love and patience will be really helpful on this, dont give up.

Be strong,because im sure u are all you have to do is let it out.



Rocio.
If u think that wont be enough,get help from a professional.

Ruth - posted on 04/23/2012

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I would suggest that she just change her eating habits to 6 meals a day without depriving her. Check out Mark Macdonalds message on www.monavie.com/RVLution. There is a 4 min video for you to watch with her. If this makes sense to you.... Contact me & I'll help you. Ruth 702.437.4900

Alexandra - posted on 04/23/2012

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go to a doctor asap. Your daughter is waaaaaaaay too young to be feeling this way. And the fact that she trhew up is your wake up call. Save her life!

Clara - posted on 04/23/2012

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When my son was 15 his doctor told him he needed to drop 20 pounds; he lost 50. He is now 28 and is anorexic and bulimic. Before I knew it he was an adult and refused treatment. He has finally agreed to treatment, but it has been so long it is much harder. Everyone is right; your daughter needs to get into treatment right away before things get out of hand. Your husband needs to be supportive and stop placing blame. It only makes a difficult situation more toxic. Be kind to yourself and patient with your daughter. Let her know she is beautiful just the way she is. I would rather my son be 10 pounds over than in the condition he is in now. I wish your family all the luck in the world. She is young, and if she gets the proper help, she will be fine.

Kathy - posted on 04/23/2012

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you need to get her in counseling now. 15 is the worst age. there are programs that will help her with diet issues. there is a very good program in texas. i cant remebr the name but it was dr phil and probably is on his website. you need to stop this now before she gets too far into it. maybe being away from her family will help her gain confidence and you have caught it earl enough that it can be reversed at this point.

Lisa - posted on 04/23/2012

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Maybe you should get a second opinion from another doctor. I am pretty sure you will get a different response, especially when you tell the dr that she is vomiting to lose the weight. If she is only 15 and has no idea of what you have went through then and is only going by what the dr suggested then I think you should take her to someone else!

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