Maria - posted on 04/17/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )
I am a disabled mom of 5, all living at home, oldest 21. My oldest daughter, more than the others, got EVERYTHING, was in every lesson imaginable, even pageants...I wanted my kids to have great self-esteem because I grew up with belittling parents that would hit me with the slightest infraction and swore I'd be the opposite. She's 21 now, and the way she talks to me is literally reminiscent of how MY mom treated ME! I don't understand it. An example: because Im in wheelchair and have trouble getting up early because of headaches and general malaise, I don't go to church as much as I used to. So, I decided to build a small chapel in the backyard, a place where I can go at any time, reflect, pray. Well, I had a friend over, and he asked why I was building it. She jumped in and said "she's building a shrine to herself, because she hates our church". WHAT???? And when I became defensive and corrected her, she said "well, maybe I shouldn't help you out of bed in the morning". Which was humiliating, that was more information than I cared for her to share about me and my needs...just hurtful. When we were alone, I asked why she said that about me hating our church. Her response was "I don't know,that's what I thought". And I told her that telling him I needed help out of bed hurt me(I started crying) and she goes "well, I thought he knew". The worst is as I was telling her how I felt, she was look at me incredulously, like I was crazy to even question it. I love my kids being home with us, the 2 older ones work, but Im happy to give them what they need if I have it. My older son isn't ungrateful or rude. In fact, I can't tell you how many times he's consoled me after she made me cry. The other ones are ok too, but I worry about the example she may be setting. My husband and I have told her we demand she at least show respect and not to embarass us in front of people, but it's a pattern. Does anyone have a solution that doesn't involve splintering the family?