Daughter moved in with boyfriend taking grand daughters age 9 and 14

Ruth - posted on 06/08/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter and grand children have lived with me for over 6 years.. My daughter moved in with boyfriend and children.. Now she blames me for everything.. Says I cannot tell the kids I miss them.. The 9 year old was very close to one of my dogs .. It's been hard on both of them.. She said she was going to visit today and then decided she had too many things to do. I was very close to the girls took them to bus in morning they went on all my trips with me to ocean and eastern Washington.. I think my daughter has gone off the deep end... The pain is so bad..

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Ruth - posted on 06/09/2014

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Things are all ready getting better .. This is a hard transition .. I got to video chat yesterday..

Ruth - posted on 06/09/2014

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well she came around very fast.. The girls bugged her til she caved lol.. Iam going to see them this week. And she let them video chat with me.. Iam sure time well make things better..

Erisreignssupreme - posted on 06/09/2014

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maybe she just needs some time to settle into her new home and get into a new routine. try to include her in some of the nice things you want to do. it can be hard on a child seeing their mom being a better mom to their kids than they are and sometimes a better mom than they were to the daughter. if that makes sense. cos you get to do teh funt hings you probably wish you could have done with ehr when she was small and you get to do the things she would love to do with her kids now. but being a grandma all that is easier now. the stress is off. so maybe just give her some space and try to build up a relationship with her rather than wanting her kids. sounds like your daughter still needs a mom :)

Niki - posted on 06/08/2014

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As close as you are to them I am sure they have asked their mom to see you and she has let on in her responses that they cannot see you for her reasons. Hopefully they know it is not because you don't want to. Eventually your daughter is going to want some help with them or need you to watch them and you can show them all of your love and tell them you would love to see them more and that it's no ones fault that you cannot. Maybe explain it as because they do not live with you anymore that seeing each other will be less often but can be just as special. Keep your head up. I have a feeling they know how much you love them and it will be all that matters in the long run.

Ruth - posted on 06/08/2014

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I think you hit it right on.. SHe probably does have at least the guilt part that she could never have done it without my help.. I have talked to her but ithink its much easier for her to make me out to be the bad one.. She said she was coming over today then called and said ishe had too much to do.. I don't think I will see my grand children until they are adults .. Just this feeling I have.. I knew she lied a lot .. I just now can see things I allowed her to use me. I was ill for a short time with stage 4 lung cancer. I was not suppose to make it 6 months .. Now almost 7 years later and I am still here.. I just need to find something else to keep me busy now.. I really don't want the girls to think That I have forgotten them..

Niki - posted on 06/08/2014

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I am sorry about your family. I cannot even imagine how hard this must be for you. My mother has never been involved with any of her eleven grandkids since she became a grandmother 20 years ago. So I have great admiration for you and your close, irreplaceable relationship with your grandchildren. I have not had personal experience with any situation like yours but I have seen something similar from the other point of view. One possible reason that your daughter is making it difficult for you to see the children could be because you are making it all about you and the grandchildren. Don't get me wrong, this is not at all a bad thing. If she is starting a new life where she wants to appear as though she is in control now and maybe doesn't want to feel like she needed you all those years she may be angry that you only care about the grandkids and you want to decide when you see them. She would probably never admit it though. Have you tried just focusing on your daughter and helping her out personally? I wonder if you called to talk to her just about her and didn't bring up wanting to see the kids if she would start to come around and on her own terms. It's worth a shot. Maybe even buy her a gift for her new home (although it is really only a new home to her). Again, I cannot imagine the pain you are in and won't even pretend that I fully understand it or your situation. I do hope you both can come up with a way to make things work for both of your sakes and for the children's. I respect you and will keep you in my thoughts. Please keep in touch if you want to talk some more or have exciting updates you would like to share. Hugs.

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