Daughter not allowing grandparents to see grandchildren

Helen - posted on 07/20/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have 2 granddaughters who are being used against us because of my daughter's issues. The oldest has lived with us almost all of her 11 years; her youngest who is 8 has also lived with us all but 1 yr of her life. My daughter is now l iving in one of her ex's home with her 'boyfriend'. Pays no rent; calls her ex for all kinds of help - which he does because the house is in his name or when she needs $$. She is not allowing us to take our grandkids on a few summer activities that we have planned because she is 'angry' at her dad and I; says we will never see her or the kids again. all because she had her current boyfriend's kids over and the 12 year old boy was messing around in our living room - whiich is full of glass tables and 'chach-kies' - kicked one of the tables and the crash of frames startled us and he was told by my husband to 'take it outside'. I am sure there is more to it - but she won't talk to us so I don't know. I am devastated, hurt and angry. This is how she always handles thing s when she is angry...takes the girls away from us. I am at the point I could care less if I ever see - let alone talk to - her again. sIf something tragic should happen to her today - I would mourn for a short while - but then be grateful she is out of my life.. How sad is that.?! I am so tired of her 'abusing' me emotionally and using me as her punching bag when things don't go her way.... I cannot begin to count the # of times she has done this and I am a emotional mess. I will not reach out to her - never will again. She caused this; she can figure it out.....I think this time I will just give her space until she gets her head on straight again.....I miss my grandbabies... Any words of advice? I can't keep crying - I need to get stronger - but how?

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Dove - posted on 07/21/2015

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If you have evidence that the children have lived w/ you most of their lives you should talk to a lawyer and see if you can get custody. It's really something you should have done years ago, but it is worth seeking legal advice about now.

Raye - posted on 07/21/2015

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Helen, I'm sorry that your daughter is not more responsible. I don't know the laws in your area regarding grandparents rights, but most places do not grant them. I can understand that you would feel betrayed by your daughter, especially after you have done so much for those kids. However, by what you wrote, at no time did you have court awarded custody of them. So she is within her rights to keep the children in her home (such as it is). If you feel she's an unfit mother, you can report her to child protective services to investigate the children's home life. That doesn't guarantee that you'd get the kids if she were found unfit, but they generally prefer to place kids with family versus foster care. If you don't report her, or she is found to be fit, then there's not much else you can do. She will need to figure out some hard lessons on her own, and hopefully come around before she has caused too much damage to herself and the kids.

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