Daughter recently had a baby, she lives with us but was suppose to move in with her bf what happened?

Lucille - posted on 08/17/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )




He's being asked to move out from his apartment, within the next month. She asked if he could sleep over our house, we agreed to only a couple of days. Now DHS is going to go after him for child support since she's not living with him, he then told my daughter "I'm not leaving" without my kid" when he heard about this so they all left It wasn't her fault they decided to take out the support but he's blaming her anyway. He already has another child so maybe that's why this happened? We're trying to keep everything civil but how can we when threats like that are made? We say no more sleepovers. He's giving us the impression he or even her (by him manipulating her) that they are trying to move him in here. What's your opinion?

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Dove - posted on 08/18/2012




She should go to court first thing Monday morning and file for temporary emergency custody. If he's on the birth certificate he CAN just take the baby and the police won't do anything without a custody order in place. He does have a right to a relationship with his child and I certainly would not stand in the way of that, but if he is making threats... being civil is out the window and this all needs to go through the court system to protect everyone involved. There needs to be a custody and visitation agreement created and notarized by a judge asap.

Lacye - posted on 08/18/2012




I wouldn't allow him to move in. As for he will take the child away from your daughter, not likely. She needs to take him to court now and have things set up to where he can't take the baby.

Do you know why he hasn't gotten a divorce. If the baby is old enough to be born and everything, he should have gotten his divorce final a very long time ago!

Lucille - posted on 08/18/2012




Sorry to confuse anyone of you (this is a confusing situation though) had this listed under opinion not question. Michelle, I do see it as controlling on his part. But my daughter does not. I would hate to call police to have him leave my house (he's been a good dad/bf up until he said what he said). With comments like that to my daughter - it made me cringed that she actually thought & still thinks he has that power over her & her parents as well. You & I know better. They are not married he hasn't got a divorce from his first. Tim, really great insight you have: babies name is his last name. That concerns me. His parents - no clue what they think (out of state).

Tim - posted on 08/18/2012




Sounds liek to me your between a rock and hard place.
1) it's your house your rules. You decide who comes in, stays over what ever.
2) It sounds like your stuck in the middle because you care for your daughter and grandchild but are not overly keen on the father. May ask how old your daughter is? It may be that your daughter is not emotionally intelligent enough to see the relationship objectively, in which case although she may not like your for it someone needs to intervene.
3) Is father working? what supporting role does he play?
4) Are they married? if not the law has changed to allow fathers equal access if his name is on the child birth certificate.
5) I wouldnt bother trying to be civil as these things will often end up other than. However the lad must be under some pressure if hes being evicted but again you do not state why so its hard to answer.
6) You've raised your kids and if your daughter and this chap was old enough to make the decision to have a child then theyre old enough to sort this out. Moving them in will only make matters worse. At the moment its a sanctuary as your daughter can come there to escape and talk freely and feel safe. If they move in together this would not be the case and would certainly put pressure on you and on your relationship with them. If is short term to help out that's fine but I guess witht he social housing as it is it wont and as soon as they know they have somewhere to go they wont be put on top of any list. Also think about the effect it will have on the other occupants of the h ouse. Will they appreciate being woken up by a new born if they have to go to work? It sounds harsh but the reality is its hard enough when a member of the family stops for a few days as its not your home anymore, this is one major imposition daughter or no daughter.
7) what do the parents of the lad think? why cant he move back in there? why are you having the burden?
just a few things to chuck into the thinking pot, hope it resolves itself :0

Stifler's - posted on 08/18/2012




yeah I don't understand the question. Are your daughter and the baby's father together?

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2012




To me he sounds controlling.

What you have written is very confusing though. No one can force anyone to live anywhere. I'm really not understanding what you are asking.

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