Daughter refuses to talk to me

Kathy - posted on 05/30/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My adult daughter called me frantic, she was being evicted again and had lost her job and was getting her car repoed..she didn't tell me all at once just one at a time. We had been through this before and yet my first instinct was to help her..I have a grandson and didn't want to see him homeless. I helped her through each stage. Pretty soon I noticed the excuses and problems were adding up so I decided I had a credit card I wasn't using so started putting it all on that. This after already giving her over $500. this time. a few years earlier I had went though something similar but never got paid back..over $3,000. that time. She finally got a job that lasted two weeks so she used that for her get by..lots of excuses lots of problems and finally at the end of her unemployment she got another job that worked for her..anyway she was able to finally pay almost all of this time back..but still owes around $150. I consider myself lucky to get what I did. But..before all this happened she got mad at me for accusing her of lying (several times) about where her money went. whe would block me on facebook and tell me to stay away from her and her son..(My grandson). then problems happen and she just loves me to death while taking my money,..well this has happened three times. Each cutoff from her just happens to come a week before mothers day each year. This last time I gave her my opinion on something and she got mad and again blocked me and blocked my phone. She blocked my phone because I asked her when I was getting the last of what she owed me..I knew she was either going on a gambling boat or buying street drugs..She is also a functioning alcoholic. Long story short I finally decided that was enough..I am totally being used. I am cutting her off..It is just a matter of time before she will need me and pour on the charm and act so very concerned till she gets what she wants..I will not be there this time. And it is a freeing feeling..I was so happy to find sites like this to encourage me and feel like It is OK to say no..I also forgot to say she has given her ex husband custody of the boy..he lives in another state and I think my grandson is finally happy..he can bring friends over now and not have his mom yell at him because his friends are eating their food..now her daughters husband told her he no longer loves her and got a divorce. She moved in the duplex next to her mom..so now my daughter has her daughter and her two kids living next door..I also noticed my daughter has unblocked me so I feel something is up..neither one of them can control their spending habits..I feel a "I love and miss you mom and then after a few weeks a I need help Mom..with all the excuses and apologies she used in the past but guess what..not going for it this time..I have her blocked and will not answer her texts, even tho that can add up to hundreds in a day.. Free and loving it..KO

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Michelle - posted on 05/31/2016

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You are doing the right thing. She needs to grow up and realize that she can't use people. Stand your ground and let her know that if she wants a relationship with you it will be without you giving her any help.
It's good that she has given custody to he ex, then you don't have to worry about him being on the streets.
Stay strong.

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Kathy - posted on 06/01/2016

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Actually she is my middle child and in her 50's. She has been this way her whole life. Stealing from anyone that has something she wants. She can lie like she has butter in her mouth and when confronted she shuts down and tells you that you are mean..always finds a way to make her seem like the victim..she recently unblocked me on facebook but i cannot see her posts she also unblocked me on her phone as I sent her a reminder of the money she still owes..no reply. .I see this as a way of reaching out but fear it is because she has once again gotten herself into financial trouble. I don't want to hear from her as the peace has been wonderful. I am 73 and she has done this to me almost the same time every year for at least the last three years. I am just too old to keep going through it. I tried so hard to help her this time..I mean really hard..tried to give advice on how to handle certain situations and how to budget money. Even made a budget out for her to stick to even allowing her leftover money for her to use on things she wanted or entertainment..she crumpled it up and put it in her purse. I am sure she never even looked at it again. For a while she was going to ER a lot with headaches, then she had a accident and hurt her shoulder, then her back kept hurting..I am sure a lot of her problems were made up and she got pain pills..she would take two instead of the one they would prescribe and then drive. She was also on Tramadol?And her drink of choice is Vodka and peach tree tea..Someone pointed out to me that alcoholics like vodka because it doesn't leave an odor.. As it stands now I no longer want to be around her..I can't take the drama and mood swings..and I don't think I will ever trust her again..

Gail - posted on 06/01/2016

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It is certainly hard dealing with the never ending job of motherhood. This sounds like your only child. If so, I can relate. The steps you are taking are hard but I believe necessary for both you and your daughter.

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