Daughter's Dad Wants To Move

Amber - posted on 06/29/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

89

36

4

When my ex-husband and I divorced, our main concern was our daughter. We had everything put into the divorce papers from visitations to school districts she was allowed (and not allowed) to go to. There are only 2 districts that were agreed upon. She lives with him, we have joint physical custody, which means neither of us can make a decision where she is concerned without the consent of the other parent. He recently just got into a relationship, and this girl is amazing (which you won't hear out of many peoples mouths). She has a dog, from what I understand a pitbull, that isn't allowed to be in the county he is currently living in. Her dog apparently gets along with children, other people, and other dogs so long as they aren't 'small dogs'. Well her dog bit 2 smaller dogs sometime ago, which is why she can't have it in his current county. He called asking if he could move to a different place, which is out of the school districts that were agreed upon so this girl could have her dog living with them. My concern is, even though the school is ok as far as academics go, once she would hit highschool, she would be moved to another school which is known for violence, poor academics, etc. I told him that I wasn't going to agree to him moving her, even if he were just to rent the place because I don't want to chance him not being able to move before that time comes. Not to mention, if it were me wanting to do something just because of another guy, he'd throw a huge fit, but I guess he was expecting me to be ok with him wanting to uproot our daughter and go back on our agreement just for his new girl. He got mad, hung up on me, and now there will be no talking to him about this like adults. Was I wrong for not agreeing? I don't want to be ignorant, and I really want to see his relationship work out, but I'm not going to allow him to move just because of this girl.

3 Comments

View replies by

Amber - posted on 06/29/2011

1,909

13

145

I agree with Jennifer. Not only do I think the decision to keep her in a better and safer school is a wise decision. I also worry about your daughter's safety with a dog (I don't care about breed) who is aggressive.
If he can't talk to you like a rational adult, then leave him to his silence.
It doesn't sound as if you have bashed the girlfriend or asked him not to be with her. A child's safety, education, happiness, and comfort should be more important than the ability to keep a violent dog for a girlfriend's happiness.

Amber - posted on 06/29/2011

89

36

4

Well, the only reason the dog isn't my main concern, is because I lived with my sister at one point who had 3 pitbulls my daughter was around. Granted, they had NEVER bit anybody or any other animal before, but I do know that some animals are great with people, just not animals and I refuse to toss an animal to the side over 1 incident that is totally unrelated...even though some would see it as being related to the issue.

I actually like his girlfriend, and for the longest time was telling him he needed to make his move. It got to the point I told our daughter to go to her and tell her that daddy liked her. (She was/is my daughters babysitter).

I just don't like the fact that she will be taken out of the agreed upon school districts. And the fact that if the roles were reversed, I'd be reamed one way and down the other for wanting to make the move just because of a guy I'm with. But I can't talk to him about it like an adult because 1) he hung up on me which basically means there is no getting through to him and 2) I'm trying to find a way to make it clear that it is nothing against him being with this girl.

I don't want it to go back to court, but I feel it looks like it might head that way. All this over a girl, usually I'm the one quick to decisions.

Jennifer - posted on 06/29/2011

1,431

1

298

I'm guessing the reason you guys agreed upon both of you making decisions is because you wanted to make sure your daughter always got the best even if one of your guys' judgement were clouded by somerthing (like a new companion). The way it sounds it that this dog has no business being around your daughter. I would almost be more concerned about that right now than the school. I would just say that as long as you are only thinking about your daughter and stopping him for her sake (which is what it sounds like), then don't let him do it. She needs to be safe to start with, and she needs to be in a school that will prepare her for the future.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms