daughter tried to kill herself

Alison - posted on 10/27/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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hi

my 22 yr old daughter took an overdose last Wednesday, she was in her flat on her own will her brother who shares the flat with her was at my house, i tried ringing her but got no answer, i sent her brother down to check she was ok cause i was worried thats when all hell broke loose, he found her on her bed after she had taken pills with a note beside her, i cant tel u what was in the note as i havent been strong enough to read it yet, my daughter whos name is Hannah has struggled with issues in her life and the biggest one is body image, she got messed up with some lad at work thats messed with her head and filled her full of lies, ive been and sorted this lad out and told him what shes done and that he was partly to blamem as u can imangine the conversation was a pleasant one as i was so mad, she is in a crisis center at the min so they can keep an eye on her, they thought it was best as she couldnt say that she wouldnt do it again, im lost, scared, worried, and annoyed all at the same time, daily task have become difficult as i forget whats happened for a few moments and then it comes crashing back in again as to what shes done, she gets annoyed with me now cause i keep asking if shes ok, i was told by the crisis team that she needs to take responsibility for what shes done but i dont think she has yet, how do i cope and lead a normal life now when im constantly worried that when she comes home i cant be there 24hrs a day to make sure she doesnt do it again, its more scary cause she really did mean to take her own life and not just a cry for help, sorry this is so long but i wanted to write it all down

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Alison - posted on 10/27/2014

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thank u for your reply, ive know her state of mind for a while i just never thought should try to take her own life, i had asked her before but at the time i dont think she did intend to do it, if id asked on the morning she did it i think she would have no, she has said that it was a spur of the moment thing but ive been told that she must have had that in mind to write the letter, i understand what u say about the guy but i think forgiveness will take time but ive have told her to forget him and move on, im giving her all the love and support i can and shes in the right place to get the help she needs, she needs help with the body dismorphia she has (sorry i dont know how to spell that word) i think if she gets help with that then maybe things will fall into place and she can see thats shes not worthless

Raye - posted on 10/27/2014

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Hopefully this will be a wake-up call to her, and she will decide she doesn't want to die. My high school boyfriend tried to commit suicide when he was 17. He overdosed on the same kind of pill that his aunt used to kill herself a few years earlier, so we know he was serious about it at the time. He's 40 now and married and living his life.

My advice to you is:
1a) Forgive the guy you think is to blame for this. Your daughter chose to allow him in her life. She chose to believe his opinions and gave them value. And she chose to try to end her life. Unless he actually shot her or stabbed her of forced those pills down her throat, then he was not at fault. Get him out of your life and her life and don't think of him any more.
1b) Forgive your daughter. She gave in to weakness, but that doesn't mean she will stay weak. It doesn't mean she didn't love you or her family, It doesn't mean that she even really hates herself. It means she felt so hurt at that moment that she didn't want to continue living. We all hurt sometimes, to some degree or another. She acted on it, it's over now, cut her some slack.
2) Don't walk on eggshells around your daughter. Don't treat her like she's so fragile she could break at any moment. She will need your confidence in her to help make her stronger. She made a mistake. Do try to HELP her and keep an eye on her, just don't control her. Help give her hope. Help restore her power over her life. Do everything you can to reduce pain, and not increase or prolong it.
3) IF she really wants to try again, she will try no matter if someone is there with her or not. You're right, you can't watch her every second. And if she tries again, or succeeds, it won't be your fault.
4) Read the letter. That is insight into her state of mind at the time, and may provide keys to helping her recover.
5) Do not try to go it alone. Seek counseling for her and for yourself and her brother. Distributing the anxieties and responsibilities of suicide prevention makes it easier and much more effective. Help her set goals that are realistic and healthy. Have her begin a journal where she can write out her pain and also write down things she's grateful for or things that make her happy.
6) Have patience. Her pain will not go away overnight. It will take time for her to build up her strength. The more patient you are with her, the more patient she's likely to be with herself, and the better she will be able to cope.

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