Daughter with depression

Rose - posted on 01/12/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

4

0

2

I am out of ideas. My 21 year old daughter, was sick all day yesterday and missed work and slept all day and then decided to go out with friends at 11pm and was out until 4am. Today she could not work again. I told her it is not a good idea to go out late and stay out late based on the circumstances. She said Shut up.
I have tried to help her get to work on time, organize her room by keeping the dirty clothes done and sorted based on work, sleep, party.
When she gets up or gets home - depends if she is home or not - she demands food now, or she searches her younger sisters room to find clothes - however, she has a ton of clothes.
I am tired of all the disrespect. Should I kick her out of the house for good and stop feeding her and filling her car with gas, so she gets herself to work?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Gena - posted on 01/12/2015

303

1

655

My parents had the exact same rule like Shawnn! If you are sick or depressed and you cant go to School/work then there is NO going out for a Party,hang with friends etc.I was married and a mom when i was 21 and living with hubby. I think your daughter should do her own washing and make her own Food when she is hungry. She isnt a child anymore. And she should be careful that she doesnt lose her Job..its easy to find out if a worker that was sick went to Party.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/12/2015

13,207

21

2014

One of my MAJOR house rules (a carry over from my own parents):

If you don't go to school/work for the day because you're 'sick' or 'depressed', then you MOST DEFINITELY do not go out partying in the evening (much less until 4 am).

I adhered to that rule as a child/teen/young adult, and continued to keep that rule, even before having children of my own.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/12/2015

13,207

21

2014

Why are you continuing to enable your adult daughter to act like a spoilt 2 year old?

Perhaps, if she understood her responsibilities as an adult, she'd move forward.

At this point, I recommend getting her under contract for living in your home. Set a monthly amount for room & board. Quit doing her laundry. Quit cleaning her room. (unless she's willing to pay for the services, of course). When she gets home, if its outside a normal meal time, she's welcome to fix herself a meal, and clean up when she's done. You could also recommend counseling, but since she's an adult, she can refuse.

If she doesn't want to go under contract, then you give her an eviction notice of 30 days to find an apartment, and be out of your house.

Sarah - posted on 01/12/2015

8,728

0

21

If she is truly depressed then send her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. I don't know if she is or not, but get that ruled out.
If she lives at home it is reasonable that she follow some rules. You can write up an adult resident contract. Include what you expect of her, rent, employment, helping out with housework, respectful language and treatment. If she does not want to comply or refuses, give her 60 days to get her own place. By all means stop paying for her gas, she is old enough to pay her own way. Room and board would be included in her rent. Not a car, laundry, or housekeeping.

7 Comments

View replies by

Trisha - posted on 01/13/2015

551

0

13

Yes. You should kick her out. She will only grow up after she hits rock bottom. She might hit it hard though, and you have to be prepared to not let her back in.

Michelle - posted on 01/12/2015

3,554

8

3244

Exactly what the other ladies have said.
You also need to stop putting fuel in her car and treating her like a child! She's an adult and needs to learn how to be one. They way you have described her she sounds like a spoiled brat!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms