Daughters

Leana - posted on 11/15/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My two daughters have left, one is at University and one is at Dance College. My house is cold, quite, impersonal, tydy, empty and hate going home. I am lost!
The doctor prescribed some antidepressant to get me over this bad time. I don’t know if it is a good idea. I am so sad. Any suggestions please

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[deleted account]

Try to keep yourself busy. I had an aunt who went through the same thing you are going through, and her advice to me when I was young was to always keep a part of my life that did not revolve around my son. Keep active in things that I enjoy, but that do not involve my son at all.
Obviously, it is too late for you to go back in time, but you can still find activities that you enjoy just for yourself now.
Join a book club, volunteer with a cause you care about, or take an art class to connect with other women. That is mostly what you are missing--the emotional attachment and dependency your daughters had with you. If you make social commitments, you will begin to feel that again. You are used to people depending on you to do things for them, and that kept you motivated and moving, it kept you fulfilled, but now that no one is dependent upon you, you feel lost.

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[deleted account]

Oh, Winter gets me down too. You're getting hit double with that!!

Do you get to speak with your daughters often? Maybe setting aside a special time for them to call once a week would be good.
Completely different scenario, but I've applied this thought to areas of my own life and found it helpful:
When my son was little, he was constantly vying for my attention--it felt like I was always focused on him, but when I stepped back and looked at our interaction objectively, I noticed that while I was always focused on him, I was never COMPLETELY focused on him. This meant that I was never free to focus on anything else, and he never felt fulfilled either. My psychologist recommended we set aside a certain time every day to spend together--100% focused. Within a week, my son was noticeably calmer, more even tempered, less clingy and needy, and more independent. I found myself more focused, more productive, and in an over all less stressed, happy mood.
The doctor said that because my son never new WHEN he would get my attention, he had to try for it all the time. Likewise, I never knew WHEN I would get time for myself, so I had to try for it all the time. Once we had this specific time to look forward to, to KNOW when it was going to happen, it freed our minds up to focus on other things.

Maybe, with your daughters, if you can get them to call you at a certain time each week, when you and they can be 100% focused, you can relax more during the week because you won't be wondering "When will I hear from them again, what are they up to this week...." and so on.

Just a thought...I know it's an odd little trick. I use it alot though, I set aside a specific time for things, and I don't worry about them outside of that time.

Leana - posted on 11/15/2013

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Thank you Kelly you quite right, and I am trying to keep busy. I haven’t found my way yet as I am too emotional.
I have a full time job and some good friends.
I am trying very hard but England is not the best place in winter.

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