daughters and boyfriends sleeping arrangements

Stella - posted on 09/11/2017 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello,
I have two daughters, one in second year university and one in grade 11. My eldest daughter has been in a relationship for two years and she lived with her boyfriend last year (they are both 21). They are coming over during Christmas break and they expect to share a bedroom.
My younger daughter has been in a long distance relationship for the past three months and her boyfriend comes over every few weeks and stays with us. They are both 17, it is their first but serious love, and they are taking baby steps in their relationship. They sleep in different bedrooms and I am always home.
My question is whether or not I should allow my eldest daughter to share a bedroom with her boyfriend while her younger sister and her boyfriend sleep in separate rooms? My instinct is to have each of them sleep in a different bedroom to 'protect' my youngest, however this situation will likely repeat and I am not sure at what point do I allow my eldest to share a bedroom with her stable boyfriend: next summer, next Christmas, after they get married (haha).
I am pretty sure that once my youngest goes to university, if she is in a similarly stable relationship, I would allow her to share a bedroom with her boyfriend if I know that they are already living together at university.
Is it fair to tell my eldest daughter that she cannot share a bedroom with her boyfriend for now to avoid any pressure in the near future from her younger sister? I wouldn't allow her to share a bedroom with her boyfriend any time soon, not until she goes to university and only if she is in a stable relationship afterwards).
Thank you very much for your thoughts.

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Sarah - posted on 09/12/2017

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I think this has more to do with how you feel about premarital sex in your home. I have children in this age range. My eldest just turned 21 and is dating a girl seriously (as serious as a busy West Point Cadet can). My second is 18 and while she is not dating currently, she has had one serious BF. I realize my children are sexually active, however out of respect for me and the younger two kids 15 and 13, I do not permit sleepovers at my home. If someone were to travel to the area and be staying with us, I would not allow a shared bedroom. I do respect my kids choices, but that is my rule for my house. When you are married you can sleep together anywhere you want. That is just me, and I know it may seem hypocritical to support their choices but then deny it in my home.

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2017

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It does depend on how you feel about living together before marriage.
I personally don't have a problem with it and once I had a serious boyfriend, he was allowed to stay over in the same room. I was 17 at the time.
You know that your oldest is having sex with her boyfriend so what would be the point in separating them? To "protect" your youngest, come on, that's a lame excuse. Your youngest is 17 and knows what sex is. She may not be having it but she doesn't need protecting.
Your oldest is an adult and can make her own life choices and your youngest still has to live by your rules.
It depends how much of a rift you want to cause since the oldest one has been living with her boyfriend for a year. She won't be impressed.

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Ronnie - posted on 09/11/2017

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out of respect please stop allowing your 17 year old daughters boyfriend to sleep over. Thats allowing her to do what ever she wants. Shes 17 not 30.

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