Brittani - posted on 01/21/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )
My daughters father moved out of state(MI) when she was four months old. He left with his 3 older children to Colorado because he was running from a visitation order he had with the girls' maternal grandparents. Long story short, I filed for child support shortly after the move, he claimed he wasn't working (though he was), he got married, they now have another child. I was given SOLE/LEAGAL PHYSICAL CUSTODY. He's never once contacted me about our daughter. I received bankruptcy papers in Nov. 2012 from them. In Dec. 2012 I filed for a review as it had been 3yrs since our case was open, and I KNOW he was working. So, we had a hearing. He didn't return the paperwork to be on the phone. I went in alone and told the referee what I knew. I got the new order finding he was working and how much the support amount was being raised to. A month (April 2013) later he called and left me two irate voicemails stating if hes going to pay this amount that he WILL see her. Then in August I got papers saying he disagreed with the amount and they didn't send him papers(which they did) and that they didn't count his other children in the formula. The amount was lowered $150...big deal. I'm not after his money...completely. Then I got papers saying he wants visitation. He's only doing this because of the money. We had a hearing with a counselor. He talked the entire time...and lied...She wrote an order. I contested it. We had another hearing with a referee 3weeks ago. I received her recommendation the other day. She's ordering what was ordered in November by the counselor. THIS is CRAP! I know as her birth father he has the 'right' to have a relationship with her... but he's not doing it thinking of her. He thinks if he sees her, then he wont have to pay as much. The court is ordering he comes here a weekend in Feb, and spends 2 8hr days with her, then again in March, then in May or June he gets her for the weekend unsupervised. I don't want him in her life. I did at one point but now I don't. When shes older and can stand up for herself if she wants to have a relationship with him, then I will support her! But, to give him a chance I came up with a plan and offered it in our last hearing, and the ref seemed to like it, but then in the papers said it was crazy. I offered for him to see her supervised once a month for a yr, (that's 12 visits.) If he misses 2 consecutive months then the yr starts over, then supervised 6months in a public place (park, beach, etc.) then the next 6months he could introduce his wife and kids, then wed see how shes doing and talk about the next steps. He says hes financially stable, but then says he cant come here to see her... only 3times like the court is saying.
I am lost what to do. Do I let this order go? What if he doesn't show up in feb? Do I fight this order? If I do, we go to the judge. I don't currently have the money for a lawyer. Its been suggested to me that I offer him to pay x amount (to cover his arreage and a bit extra) and be done with all the support. Or to just tell him to sign off, and if he does (which I know he would-he did it with another child) he'll still end up having to pay, but wont be allowed to see her. ... If I have all the rights, what rights is there for him to sign off??? He is NOT good for her. She is so stable and happy, bringing him(and his family) into her life would be a bad thing. Shes too young to understand. Does anyone have any other information/suggestions? Thanks!