Daughters have no respect towards me or our home.

Niki - posted on 07/15/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )

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How do I teach my 9&7 year old daughters to keep their room clean? Ive tried everything. Rewards system, allowance, even taking everything away from them. Still their room is a disaster. We live in an old farhouse, so their room is actually a built on room that was our former back porch - dining room. So they have large beautiful windows, a door to outside, even their own door to the bathroom. As a kid I wouldve loved it! They seem ungrateful about everthing. Nothing is good enough, but ive not raised that way. If I left it up to them rheyd live in filth. I am absolutely at my wits end. Im tired of fighting, anyone have any ideas?

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User - posted on 07/15/2013

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I have twin 6year old girls and a 4 year old girl. And I take care of two others kids at home too. My house gets pretty messy and I make them clean up or no lunch or dinner sometimes. I do help them sometimes clean their room when we have friends that come over. But I show my girls the way I want them to keep it and I explain why I like it that way. Like for example keep the book on top of the shelf so little ones don’t ruin their books then we have to throw away. And sometimes they tell me how they what it. My daughters also do things for me out of their room like help with dishes, sweep, and mop and pick up the living room (and they ask if they can do it). Have you tried talking to them and asking why they don’t help? Telling them that it is hard for you to do it all, and if they are a little thinker skin and don’t care how you feel then bring out the big guns. The only thing you need to give them is a pillow and sheet. They don’t need a room with beds in it the sofa or the floor is ok. I know it can be harsh but some kids won’t give end and if they are like this now just imagine how they are when they get older. I been around different kinds of kids before my own I was a nanny and now they are all teenager. But you know your kids and sometime they just need a little scare.

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Niki - posted on 07/16/2013

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Thank you Bety. I started a chore list for them. We done this last summer and it worked fairly well. So just day one its not too bad considering we had to go to town. With as little as they have left I hope they can put it away. If I do find anything out of place after they do their list, it's put away. Depending on what it is whether they get it back or not.

Bety - posted on 07/16/2013

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Any toys you find on the floor or anyhthing for that matter simply grab a bucket tell the girls to put EVERYTHING but there clothes in it and either donate it or put it away for a few weeks... My sister actually did this and donated her kids toys because there room was always a wreck. and now any toy they get they put it away

User - posted on 07/15/2013

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yeah its hard to stick with it. I'm a playful mom and sometimes i joke around with my girls to much. then they think they can get away with everything. like one of my twins is grounded because she kept trying to talk back to me. she was doing that mumble thing. I HATE THAT! lol we took everything away tv and game time. it was the worst time to cause its been raining for two days and we have 2 more days of rain to go. we gave her tv time back cause she pick up a few chores around the house. when i ground them i feel sometimes that they are to young to have to be punches. but if they are good i will allow them to do something (without having to ask them to do it) around the house to errand it back. but like i said mama know her cubs. I wish you the best

Niki - posted on 07/15/2013

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Youre exactly right. We have done that also, but it's been a few years ago. All they had was a blanket a piece, a stuffed animal that they've had since birth, and a pillow. It did help. Then they eventually got things back. But I've let it get out of hand. I expected that they wouldn't want that again and start picking up. But they didn't. I hate it to get that far, but I know I should do that again. Tonight we cleaned it almost completely out, left books, special things in a certain box, a few clothes, and freshly washed sheets, blankets and pillows. My 7 yr old washed windows with me while the 9 yr old tended to the chickens. I told them I'd give them 3 strikes, first I take away books left, 2nd I take away special things and bikes, 3rd I take their one extremely special stuffed animal. That got an immediate response. They both started to tear up. As long as I stick to it I think this will work. I have asked them why they don't help, they can't give me an answer. I went through a whole list of what ifs. What if I didn't tell you to feed the animals, what would happen? What if I didn't fix anything to eat, wash clothes, go shopping, what would happen? I think they realized how much I really done for them and how little they done for themselves. But Im sure they're going to need a friendly reminder often.

Niki - posted on 07/15/2013

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Thank you. I know something will work, I just haven't figured out what it is yet.

Brandi - posted on 07/15/2013

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keep strong. you can succeed. just give them one dollar for every chore they do. that gives them an incentive to do it. if that doesnt work try one teaspoon of cod liver oil before going to bed. it can be found at local drug stores and will help with the swelling of your monocular tube when you cry.

Niki - posted on 07/15/2013

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Thats great. It hasn't bothered these two at all. I truly don't understand. I'll even ask if they learned anything, no response. My oldest even said no, I'll just do it again. I can't seem to get thru to them.

Niki - posted on 07/15/2013

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They seem to still make a mess with what they do have. Clothing, pillows, blankets, books. They don't have any toys at all, but I let them earn back books, they also take paper out of my desk to draw on, and things they find outside come inside. They find things at the creek, in the barns, stuff like that. I just found a bucket of rocks with a butterfly in there. I don't understand how they like to bring all that stuff in the house anyway.

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We also have a rule that if I find something of his out of place that he is not playing with (like legos in the living room, or his bike on the front walk) it goes to charity. This way, he has to put things away as soon as he is finished with them.

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I guess I'm missing something. If you took everything away, what do they have left to be making the mess with?

When my son refused to pick up his toys, I set a timer for 10 minutes and told him anything not put away when the timer went off would be donated to charity. There was very little left after we got home from Goodwill. Now, all I have to do is set the timer and he picks up. If they are not going to care for their things, I wouldn't let them keep them. Don't replace the things you give away either, if they really wanted them, they would have chosen to keep them, not donate them. If they decide they MUST replace the lost item, they can use their allowance.

Niki - posted on 07/15/2013

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Not here. I've cried many times because I'm so stressed over it. They aren't phased by it at all. At times the 7 yr old will then help, but not for long. I don't think they care. If I wasn't here they'd be able to do whatever they want, when they want, instead of hearing me yell about it. It's to the point I wish I wasn't here, because I doubt they'll ever help or change. It filters through rest of the house, outside, my truck. Wherever my girls have access to, it's disgusting.

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