Daughters wedding

Lisa - posted on 08/03/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Our daughter is getting married for the 1st time in Apirl of 2014. Her father and I have been divorced since 1996. Her dad remarried in 1998 to a very nice lady that has treated our children very good though the yrs. Step mom and dad now have a child of their own who is 7 yrs old. I have never remarried nor have I ever had a live in partner(by choice not because the opportunity hasn't been there... lol). I currently am taking care of eldery parents and having to live with them to do so...it's the best way. I have been at my job for over 21 yrs and have about 6 more until I can retire...YAY!!!!
now question i have. Her dad wants me to pay for half of the wedding. i did this for our other daughter in 2007. I really dont have a issue with paying half on cake, dress, flowers, place, her friends, grooms family and friends, The plates per person are 12.00 per person. My side of family will be under 30 people and his side of is over 70. I just feel I should not have to pay for his family list. I just now coming out of dept from the 2007 wedding, college graduation and death of my 20 yr old son. on the other hand this needs to be a very happy time for our daughter!!! I would not want her to stress over her mom and dad scawbbling over money on her special day. If I suggest this to the father, i know he will become defensive and it will become a very tense situation at the wedding (oh and he has a very sweet income, home. boat, RV and wife that brings in money too), Again I really dont want that to happen, Any suggestions? I think I just talk myself out of asking him.lol

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Jodi - posted on 08/03/2013

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If it is $12, then can I just do the math for you.

Total for the 100 guests we are talking about is $1200. You only want to pay for 30 guests, which is $360. He is suggesting you pay for half, which is $600.

I'm just thinking that if it is going to turn into some huge drama.....you are arguing over $240. It doesn't seem worth pushing the issue if your initial proposal to him is rejected. Definitely not worth ruining your daughter's wedding over $240. If it had been $120 a head I could see the argument, but I'm just thinking there are more important things to be concerned about, and there are probably other places this saving could be made if necessary.

Lisa - posted on 08/03/2013

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Sounds reasonable to me. As for the grooms people on list...no we didnt ask. thanks for the input.

Jodi - posted on 08/03/2013

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Have you spoken to him about it? Proposed to him a deal whereby you will pay for half of everything else plus the cost per person of your family? Is the groom's family also contributing somehow to THEIR guest lists?

How did you work it with the other wedding? Did you share the costs equally then?

And can you clarify if that is $12 per person or $120?

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