Day Care provider slapping Child in the Face

Angie - posted on 03/22/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Good Morning, Circle of Moms,
I have a 10 year old son who has a very loving heart but a very short fuse. He was diagnosed with high functioning Auspberger's. With that said, we have good days and not so good days. Great moments & not so stellar moments. While at work yesterday, my after school day care provider frantically called to ask me to come & pick up my son asap. She reiterated that he had a squabble with another little boy over a basketball. My son, didn't like the way the law was laid down, became disrespectful, then dropped the F bomb. (totally not acceptable!) Then the day care provider smacked him in the face/mouth. My son has been spanked on the behind like maybe twice in 10 years. My son then went to sit on their stairs and punched a hole in their wall. (again, totally not acceptable to destroy someone else's property). I tried to share with my day care provider about my son's condition. She has never heard of this form of autism. Which, totally blows my mind, but.....In any event, I need her because, I am a 100% of the time, single parent, that works until 7-7:30pm. We are planning on getting together tomorrow & discuss an action plan going forward. I strongly feel that by hitting my son in the face, this was a major violation. However, I do not feel that we should pay for the wall repair given all factors considered. What are your thoughts ?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/23/2014

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Difficulty in finding a new day care provider is no excuse to not find one. She hit him in the face. SHE HIT HIM!!! IN THE FACE!!! She needs to be reported immediately. If she hit him once, she will hit him again. You sending him back there is sending him back to his abuser.

Ev - posted on 03/22/2014

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I wish that I knew of those other places to give you to try to find another care giver. I can understand not having a lot of money as I do not myself either. Are there places where you live that have a preschool that works specific with children like your son under school age? If so, maybe they can direct you to a care giver or a referral to a place that could help you find one. But while you do not want to cause bad vibes between you and the woman who has been watching your child, she does need to be reported. Whether or not she is licensed by your state or county to have child care in her home, she is doing a disservice to you and your son. That should not be left unchecked. Do you know for a fact she has not done this to the other children in her care? She might not tell you if she had done anything else. What I am saying is that even though she has done this to your son and you found out about it, she could still be harming other kids and that is not helping them either regardless that they have special needs or not. I can fully appreciate you wanting someone who can somewhat understand what your child is dealing with and that you have to deal with in his condition because my own son was diagnosed as such. I understand the looks people toss in your direction when they do not understand why a child that age acts differently than what is expected. Explaining to them what is what does not help either and only gives off more weird looks or comments in the end. I applaud you mom for doing what you can with what you have, but please reconsider calling her in. Surely, you can anonymously and then let the Child Services take it from there and maybe they can figure out what is going on. I would hate to see that this woman got away with it with your son or the other kids.

Angie - posted on 03/22/2014

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Hi Evelyn, first and foremost, I greatly appreciate your thoughtul response. I agree with you on all accounts. So, thank you for confirming my thoughts. I find it shocking that a daycare provider (she has an inhome daycare that is in our neighborhood, so it would be very tough to report her to Child Services, as I would see her and her family every day at the pool, school, etc....) Yes, my son has had an IEP since he was 4. So, yes, he is getting the Social Skills, IA when needed, and basically all of the services that accommodate a child that has an IEP. Additionally, I have had my son tested & treated over the course of 2 years at Riley Hospital, at the Dr. Craig Erickson Center for Autism. Additionally, 2 years ago, I had my son evaluated and placed at St. Vincent Stress Center, IOP therapy daily from 1 - 4pm. My son has been doing great and has no suspensions at schools, etc...I really hate to be critical but you hit the nail on the head, this gal clearly has very little education in general. But, more specifically in caring for children not to mention, the knowledge and education of how to properly and effectively deal and interact with a child that has Autism. I plan to subscribe to caretaker.com where the care takers are licensed and bonded to hopefully find someone, sooner versus later. Again, my work schedule does not coincide with after school care as I have a difficult work schedule where some days I get home at 7pm other days not until 8pm. I don't have an unlimited budget to have a full time nanny. Though, please understand that I am not willing to compromise the security and welfare of my child, to save a buck. But, I just can not wave a magic wand & have a new care taker, over night ;-( Unfortunately. If you know of any other sites or resources, for finding educated, licensed and bonded care takers, please share. Thanks again Evelyn.

Ev - posted on 03/22/2014

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First, slapping any child for any reason is most likely against the Child and Family Services and daycare provider departments. Where I live, its considered child abuse. Hitting a child is not tolerated and if turned in the parents or offending person are going to have to answer for it.
Second, with all the information floating around out there, I find it hard to believe that woman did not know about Auspberger's. Autism is all over the media, is known in schools and doctor offices, is known in other areas that work with it. I just have trouble understanding she has never heard of it.
Third, my own son was diagnosed as Autistic but he was never given a particular diagnosis. He also had the short fuse but we worked with it and made him to understand what was acceptable and not acceptable. It took time to do so. IN your son's case, is he getting therapy at school or outside it? Does the school help you with this? Is he on a plan for his behaviors that all who work with him are a part of? Its called an IEP--Individual Education Plan. With that a set prescribed set of things and goals are set out by parents, teachers, and therapists to get your son where he needs to be and worked on everyday. If he does understand his actions were wrong, he does need to make some sort of reparations and apologize.
Fourth, I would be thinking twice about keeping him with this caregiver. She does not sound like she has much education in caring for children if she disregards your son's condition and I would turn her in for slapping him in the face because its not right even if the child is in the wrong. I would check with your local familiy services and day care departments to see what they consider abuse and so on. Your son should have been taken aside and talked to and given something else to do until you got there. Slapping was just not right. Also, if this is done through the school, report this woman to them as well because they should not tolerate that behavior out of an adult.

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