DCF wont give me my child back because i live in another state!

Brandy - posted on 05/14/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I live in georgia and i was haveing some drug issues so i thought the best thing for my daughter was to send her to her dads in florida. He lost his job. Lost his place. And aafriend offered to take her for a bit. DCF got involved and now they dont want to give me custody because i live in another state. They want to give the daddy custody cuz he in fl and he is sooooooo not ready. Its so bad that id rather have my friend have FULL custody of her then mike.

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Jodi - posted on 05/14/2016

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Actually, I didn't say you were a bad mother. I said it was bad that you gave your daughter up in the first place. I'm honestly not surprised that child protection are involved - unfortunately, your child is damaged and has experienced extreme trauma in her short life. You can't fix that, and you can't change that, and you can't take back the damage it has done, but you CAN make a decision that will prevent further trauma to your child. That decision may involve you and your ex both giving up your rights and allowing your child to be adopted by a family that can provide your child with the stable environment that she needs. I know that sounds harsh, but if you truly care about the best interests of your child, that might be in her best interests.

Sarah - posted on 05/14/2016

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Sorry if my answer wasn't soft and fluffy, but I NEVER called you a shitty mom. I gave you valid advice. Perhaps I should have phrased like this:
Make sure you have documentation that you went to treatment; quitting is not enough; you have to prove you learned how to stay sober. Make sure you can prove you have not been using. Make sure you have the tools to stay clean. If you don't, you will not get your kid back.

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Ev - posted on 05/14/2016

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I am going to agree with Jodi and Sarah. As I said, neither called you a bad mom. They have just pointed out different things that need to be done to get her back or to deal with as the case opens up but I do want to hear from you on why you think the odds are in your favor for getting her back.

Ev - posted on 05/14/2016

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NOTE: I quoted this because I want to make sure I answer this as I go in a response you can feel comfortable with. But understand, Jodi was not saying you were a bad mom and neither was Sarah. But Jodi did have some valid points in her post. That is all I will say to that.

{{Ok for one people make mistakes!}}
~~~~Yes, people do make mistakes. But when it involves drugs it can cause a lot more problems than just a mistake that you say sorry for and move on. Drugs cause a lot of trouble for the family and children. I can see why you sent her to dad. But it was not necessarily his fault he lost a job and can not locate another one. DCFS got involved to make sure your child had a good home to go to until other things could be managed.
{{ For two it was only temporary till i got up on my feet. For three if i go back ill have no job and no place to live.}}
~~~~~Temporary or not, you made a choice to do drugs but also made the choice to send her to dad. Also if you put yourself out there you could find a job and most places have a agency that can help you find work.
{{ I looked for 6 years for a job there and only got one when i got a car! I was going to loose everything so i moved to my dads in ga with my daughter things were going great. Got a job in less then three months and stuff.}}
~~~It is great you finally got a job by the end of six years. But why did you have to move to GA to your father's because you said you would have lost everything?
{{ But like i said ppl make mistakes and i relapsed. And if u aint an addict or recovering u aint got no right to think u know what u talking about. I came here for help not to get repremanded and have ppl tell me im a shitty mom. Cuz ill tell u what if i was i would not have sent her to her dads. I would have continued to do drugs not giving a fuck and when there was no food in the house i would have let her starve until someone on the outside noticed something was wrong! But i didnt!}}
~~~~Again no one said you were a bad mom, just making some points about what you posted in your post. Also, since you sent her out of state to her father, the laws in another state are different than where you live and DCFS has to abide the state laws where they are. They just can not up and give you the child back because she is in FL's custody. You have to go there to get her back.
{{ And not that its any of anybodys biz bit i been clwan for 6 months now. }}
~~~~It was also mentioned you would have to be able to prove you are clean and how you got clean. And sometimes six months is not enough time to be clean in some places to get your child back depending on the laws of that state. Did you go to a facility to get clean?
{{And am working on getting her back and the odds are in my favor! Im just a little worried.}}
~~~~~How are the odds in your favor? First, do you know the reason the state took your daughter in the first place? Also, DCFS has to make recommendations to the court concerning the child's welfare and the judge will take that evidence in consideration with anything you or dad present. You would have to have proof of things like drug rehab and maybe other things to get custody of her back. Also dad might try to get her back too and if that happens, you and he will have to go before te judge and prove you both are fit to have her and follow Florida law on custody, visitation and child support as well as DCFS recommendations.
{{ So if u aint gonna help me and just tell me im a bad mom cuz i made a mistake just like everyone else in the freaking world then dont comment. But if u wanna try to help then ur comment is welcome. I have no one so im looking for support not ppl to say oh u made a mistake and u a bad mom. U dont know me so think again!}}
~~~~~In all honesty, none of us can tell you what will happen. Maybe what you might have to deal with and in this case you live out of the state of Florida. Also, DCFS is involved and you have to deal with that. Another thing is your drug use and proving you are clean. And also if DCFS decides the child is free to be placed with a parent, you might be facing a custody hearing.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/14/2016

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And if you can't speak in adult language instead of text, NO ONE is going to take you seriously.

DCF isn't going to give you custody because you have drug problems.

It has nothing to do with which state you reside in.

Once you're clean and have been for whatever amount of time you have to be to meet the requirement then you can request your child back. Until then, I agree with the rest (OH, BTW...THE ADDICTION ISSUES???? BEEN THERE AND FUCKING DONE THAT SO LOSE THE ATTITUDE)

Get clean. Get sober. STAY clean and sober, no matter what. ONLY YOU can allow yourself to relapse, and YOU have to be strong. If you can't honestly say you can do that, you're no more ready to be a parent than the kid's father is. Once you meet the DCF requirments, they'll allow you to start regaining your custody.

You didn't do anything wrong by allowing the child to live with her father, but you need to fix the OTHER things you did.

Oh, and this site is for support, yes, but we are also all mothers, and if a poster is in need of some firm words, that's part of support. Its called Tough Love.

There's no reason you cannot regain custody, if you comply and stay clean.

Brandy - posted on 05/14/2016

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And if i cant get support from someone on here then what the heck is this site for anyway?

Brandy - posted on 05/14/2016

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Ok for one people make mistakes! For two it was only temporary till i got up on my feet. For three if i go back ill have no job and no place to live. I looked for 6 years for a job there and only got one when i got a car! I was going to loose everything so i moved to my dads in ga with my daughter things were going great. Got a job in less then three months and stuff. But like i said ppl make mistakes and i relapsed. And if u aint an addict or recovering u aint got no right to think u know what u talking about. I came here for help not to get repremanded and have ppl tell me im a shitty mom. Cuz ill tell u what if i was i would not have sent her to her dads. I would have continued to do drugs not giving a fuck and when there was no food in the house i would have let her starve until someone on the outside noticed something was wrong! But i didnt! And not that its any of anybodys biz bit i been clwan for 6 months now. And am working on getting her back and the odds are in my favor! Im just a little worried. So if u aint gonna help me and just tell me im a bad mom cuz i made a mistake just like everyone else in the freaking world then dont comment. But if u wanna try to help then ur comment is welcome. I have no one so im looking for support not ppl to say oh u made a mistake and u a bad mom. U dont know me so think again!

Sarah - posted on 05/14/2016

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Unless you have been thru treatment and can prove you are sober, do try to get her back yet. If dad is ok with it, give the friend temporary guardianship until you are clean and sober and staying that way. If you relapse while single parenting you can lose her for good

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2016

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It's bad that you have drug issues and gave your daughter up in the first place. If you care that much about your child, get your shit together and find a way to move to Florida and get her back. Otherwise, it sounds like she may be better off going to a family who cares about her.

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