Dead Beat Dad Comes Back Into Our Lives After 3 1/2 Years

Casey - posted on 10/21/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi everyone,

This is the story of everything that has happened in the last 4 years of my life. I'll try and give the shortest version I can :)

I dated a "boy" while I was 19. I was very nieve at this point in my life. He seemed wonderful; had a bachelors, worked at Disneyland, knew how to surf, handsome. He seemed like everything a girl could ever hope for. After about 6 months of dating, I was well aware of his awful upbringing. His parents beating him, mom having an affair, dad was an alcoholic. He was completely estranged from them, and had been for almost 4 years. I got a message on Facebook from his mom desperately trying to reach out to him. Being the nieve girl I was. I replied, and that's when my world started crumbling apart. His mother had informed me that basically the every single thing he had told me was a lie. He had been making up fake lives that he was living for all the years they didn't talk, and before. Their relationship ended because she had put him into therapy, and he had admitted to compulsively lying to you about what he ate for breakfast, and he didn't know why. He ran away from home to never return. He is a convicted felon for burglary and embezzlement. He was living a homosexual lifestyle with a guy before he had met me. He basically could morph into anyone he wanted to be. Since no one knew his background, he could get away with it. It all made sense to me. Why he made his parents seem like mosters. He didnt want me to know the truth about him.

This is why we ended up splitting up. I am no doctor, but I believe him to have sociopathic characteristics. After we separated I found out I was pregnant. I was beyond ecstatic. He wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. He had hated me.for exposing who he really was. I was the one that was to blame. My best friend (a man) my soul mate, as I always said got into a relationship. Him knowing I was carrying another man's child. He loved her and I no matter what. This man was with me my whole pregnancy, was the first person to hold my daugter after my c section. He has been my daughter's daddy since she was the size of a grain of rice. My daughter is 3 1/2 now, and until recently we have lived a very quiet happy life together. He is the only dad she knows. Her biological dad had 0 contact with me. The Christmas I was pregnant I had stopped by a friends give him a ride later because he had been drinking. This friend was still manipulated by sperm donors lies. He actually lived with with him. I was visibly pregnant at this point, but thought it would be nice to say merry Christmas because I knew he was alone. I also wanted to just let him me so he remembered HEY I am pregnant. The second I walked into their shared loft he had a meltdown. Started yelling profanities at me, yelling at me at me to get out. It startled me how angry he was. So I turned around and he followed me down the stairs. I turned around to look at him and he grabbed me by my shoulders, shoved me, and screamed at me to leave. This was the only contact he had ever had with my daughter (in utero)

Around 6 months ago. My daughter's biological dad and his family reconnected. They had a good relationship with us, that never included him. After their reconnection they pushed and pushed him to be a part of her life. Him being a dead beat dad made their family look bad (they are a very weathy family from SoCal) They hired a fancy attorney, and we ended up in court. This was the avenue they wanted. They filed tons of papers against me saying what an awful mother I was. it put me to tears how hurtful their words were. It was all 100% lies. Lies to make their son look like he was the stable deserving parent. HA. It all started to make sense to me, these kind people I had let be apart of my daughter's life were just as bad as their son. They always told me if he ever came back around they would support me 100%. I should have known better. Blood is thicker than water. I found myself stuck in a jam. I was up against an endless supply of money and lies. Truth be told being the honest person through this didn't help my case at all. My family all got together and knew we needed to do something. So we all chipped in to hire me an attorney. My attorney helped me and was a super nice guy. there was only so much he could do though. After months of going to court, having my world, my little girl be turned into a piece of paper, a show dog to their family. It has almost ended. I wanted him to be psychologically evaluated. Turns out that's thousands of dollars through the court. He was granted 4 hours a week supervised by a professional supervisor. He met my daughter for the first time a few months ago with his whole family there (his mom is allowed to supervise once a month) Needless to say this was the most awkward thing I've ever seen my daughter go through. Having some strange man being pushed into hee life. She called him by his name because she has a man that is her dad. The only dad she knows. I know the only reason he's pretending to care is because his mother is behind him trying to make him do it. As for his visits two times a week. It has been 3 months and he hasn't called the supervisor. He hasn't written me. Had anything to do with her bedside the few visits he's had with his mother, father, and my daughter. The last visit she had was recently. When she came home she told us that he had spanked her, and also said her Gma had asked her to call him dad. This really hurt my heart for her. As she told her dad and I this, you could see the confusion in her eyes. Her dad was sitting in front of her, not this strange man that has put us through hell and back; emotionally and financially. I'm sorry for the really long post. My sister had suggested I reach out for support, similar stories, kind words, anything. I thought this would be a good place to reach out. Thanks so much for reading my long little story.

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Julie A - posted on 10/21/2013

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I'm sorry you're going thru this. Really hurts for the little girl. Spanking?! Maybe y'all need to go back to court. I was in a similar situation where ex husband was using my son against me to hurt me just by seeing him. It's a long story but I know your pain an it's very hurtful an makes me sick at my stomach. Just keep fighting girl! I'm sure with you an your hubby's support your girl will come out stronger in the end. Pray.

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