dead beat father reaches out after 9 years

Mandi - posted on 08/08/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am a 31 yr. Old single mom of a 9 and 7 yr old. My kids are half siblings but are not aware of it due to the fact my oldest dad left us when she was 6 months old and I got back with my highschool sweetheart soon after. We ended up having a son together and even tho we are no longer married he still involved with both children however he never adopted my daughter so she has a diff last name. Now that she is 9 she is starting to ask me questions. Unfortunately, her blood father got bad on drugs but over the past year has been sober and trying to now reach out to her...9 years later. He has 6 kids by 6 diff mothers and is only involved in one childs life yet pays no child support support any of these kids. Today I recieved a letter that he is having a 7th child due in 3 months and he is reaching out to all of his kids who he knows nothing or little about let alone them know eachother and now he wants all of them to unite at the hospital to meet their newest half sibling. I am dumbfounded at the selfishness this man has. My duaghter doesn't even know his name bc he has never called or reached out be for today. This email has brought lots of emotions back ti surface and I am confused as to what i should do. I know i was going to tell her when she is emotionally ready and I know that day may come sooner than later. However I dont want to bring this heartache heartache confusion into her world at the age of 9 just so he can feel good about hisself. If I thought he would continue a realtionship with her after then I would consider going but I know he us just going to break the news to her then break her heart. But im afraid when I do tell her one day that she may be mad at me for not taking her the one time he tried to reach out. Then she will have animosity towards me. I just want what's best for her. Im so scared. What should I do. Please help

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Erica - posted on 08/09/2016

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My heart goes out to you and your daughter as I’m sure this is not an easy situation for you or her. It’s understandable that you want to protect her, but kids are so smart and they figure things out. Since she is asking questions it may be a good idea to consider having a mother and daughter talk. If you decide to tell her about her biological father, she may want to see him, meet him and possibly even meet her other half siblings. As her parent, you’ll have to decide if it’s best for her to meet all of these people at her age. It sounds like you’re a great mom and are trying to raise your children in a healthy environment. Just because her father has resurfaced and is presenting his wishes, it does not mean that you have to honor any requests that you are not comfortable with. Pray about all of this and allow God to lead you. Any worries you have give them to God and ask Him to help you through all of this. Don’t allow the negative thoughts or matters break the bond that you have with your children. Continue to be a great mom! As a single mom, it’s not easy raising our lovely little ones on our own. If you would like, you are more than welcomed to check out a wonderful site that has helped me through the years with my children…http://bit.ly/18Yfpsu. They have so much great advice for families! Blessings to you and your family.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/08/2016

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Oh, btw I would be going after his ass for back child support.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/08/2016

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These situations truly make my heart ache.

First off, you never should have lied to your daughter at all. Now, it is time to repair the damage and tell the truth. No one at any age is truly ever emotionally or mentally prepared for this kind of news, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be to tell her the truth, and the more angry she will be about you lying for so long.

Tell her. She has legal rights to know. Is the bio father on the birth certificate? Is she the oldest of his children? Have you EVER filed for child support??????? She is going to find out one way or another. It will be better if she finds out from YOU.

The anger and pain that she will have could have been avoided, and she WILL have these emotions plus confusion. Let me tell you, the anger, confusion and hatred and pain is much easier to deal with in a 9 year old than a 20 year old. Stop lying. Tell her the truth.

But....hell no that is not the way for her to meet her siblings and father. HELL NO! He wants to meet her, it is on YOUR terms, and that is ONLY if SHE wants to meet him.

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