Deadbeat dad

Joy Ann - posted on 01/27/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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What to do when dad wants nothing to do with my baby

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Jodi - posted on 01/28/2014

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And yet, she has the right to some child support. Patience won't bring in the money to support the child while daddy waits until the child is a teen and suddenly useful and fun. Sorry, but custody and visitation should always be established. Not to mention the fact that as long as there are no court orders detailing custody, the mother often has very little right to things too (I couldn't even enrol my son in his chosen school without a court order stating I had the right to, but his father refused to sign).

Dennis De - posted on 01/28/2014

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Before you do anything, do try patience.

He, as well as you, are financially responsible for the offspring. It's not just a moral thing; the state does not want to be further burdened with child-raising costs on top of education, and there are plenty of deadbeat-dad headhunters always looking for new "clients". The same applies to dead-beat moms (mine was one). Despite no custody of me, I was taken by and raised by my father. (I'm not sure anybody ever had custody of me.)

The same was true of my own boys. Custody was sought by my in-laws, but they flew off to Florida three times instead. The court never awarded custody, and finally 14 years later, their time ran out. It cost me (and the boys, therefore) about $32,000 which could have been better spent had I bought them machine-guns for Christmas.

You shall require more evidence than you've provided here to prove any legal claim you might wish to file (no hearsay evidence will be sufficient and will just irritate the judge against your interests). Save all correspondence, bills, et al. If you can, get him to admit to paternity in a public way; it will save you the cost of a DNA test. It is no longer automatic that males pay for paternity tests; they wound up paying for them even when they were found "innocent". Even Judge Judy barfed at that one! If he's just your husband, forget it. You are in an equal-opportunity and equal-responsibility contract; your marriage is an agreement. For common-law states, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_..., and some are for probate only.

From a parenting point of view, it is well known that fathers don't take much interest in babies, infants, toddlers, and young children; but they actually take more interest in them in adolescence than mothers do! A large Canadian study demonstrated that women "like" children more than men do, but only their own children. Men treat children more 'generically' and with less 'favoritism'. It's only a guess, but I suspect it has to do with usefulness and skills. When a child gains skills and becomes useful, men can step in with guidance, swing sets, Little League, Scouts, whatever. Burping babes ain't his thing. In socio-religious rank, the mother's job is to protect the children; the man's job is to protect the wife who protects the children; remember the Titantic. In emergencies, even lesbians are allowed to step in, but a gay men would get hit with all manner of liability suits. His job is to "make way" and "stand back".

Look out! "When family life breaks down, the lawyers rush in where evangelists are too timid to tread." -- (1975)

"Choose to marry as cautiously and as carefully as one would choose to divorce." (1965).

Repeat. Before you do anything, do try patience -- whole calendars and garbage-trucks of it. He will come around -- but the child could be 18 and living in Tashkent by then (or he could!).

And try patience yet again!

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2014

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File for custody and child support. He is still financially responsible for a child he brought into this world whether he likes it or not. If he didn't want one, he should have wrapped it.

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