deadbeat dad

Susan - posted on 12/26/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am a married woman that had a affair and got pregnant by the man I was having the affair with we found out it was his when he was one year old had a dna test. Now we are not together and he has gotten married this year he hasn't seen our son since Easter changed his phone number and everything he used to spend time with our son and tell him he loved him but now since I broke up with him and he got with new woman he says he doesn't want him or l love him and if I took him to court to pay child support he would ask for visitation just to spite me so I haven't cause I don't want to risk him getting custody but so much time has passed would the court give him visitation? Should I make him pay child support or just let it go to protect my child from a dad that doesn't want him?

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Dove - posted on 12/26/2014

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Well... if he has proof of paternity and wants to spite you he can come and take the kid now and you would be the one going to court to fight to get him back....

Getting a court order for custody, visitation, and child support is the smart thing to do. Period.

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Michelle - posted on 12/29/2014

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You still haven't answered the question: Are you still married and if so, what does your husband have to say about all of this?

Mommabird - posted on 12/28/2014

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Get a lawyer, file for full custody, child support and ask for supervised visitation. If he's actually said he doesnt want anything to do with the child and doesnt love him, how would he treat him if he was alone with him? Im sure someone will argue with asking for supervised visitation but it will show you want him to have time with his son just not alone until he can prove he will love and care for the child. IF HE ACTUALLY DID SAY THAT.

Michelle - posted on 12/28/2014

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Are you not reading what we have written?
Go to court and get it ordered, then he either has a choice of paying or not and CSA chasing him. They would garnish his wages and not send him to jail.
Get it set about visitation and custody so he can't come and take your child. Read the advice you have been given.

Susan - posted on 12/27/2014

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I have tried to get him to see his son he is the one who won't reply back to me and changed his number he has abandoned his son has not paid any child support in almost a year. He said he would go to jail before he paid "me" child support. He doesn't care one bit about his child anymore!

Michelle - posted on 12/27/2014

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Just a question for the OP. Are you still married? If so, what does your husband say about all of this? Does he even know?

Sarah - posted on 12/26/2014

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So he told you if you ask for child support then he will want to see his son, but if you do nothing then he will have nothing to do with the child?
That makes no sense, if he wants to see him, support or not, he can. He is the father. Unless his parental rights are terminated, he can show up anytime and expect to be able to see him. Wouldn't it be better to try to have a amicable relationship? Have your son know his father?

Michelle - posted on 12/26/2014

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Even more reason to get it in writing. Like I said, he could come back at anytime and demand to see him.

Susan - posted on 12/26/2014

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No he does not want to see his son at all I have tried but be wants nothing to do with his child. Changed his phone number and told me he didn't love him or want to be a part of his life at all. And to spite me by doing things with him I would not approve of. He hasn't seen him since April and he doesn't want to ever again was what he told me in June

Jodi - posted on 12/26/2014

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How is asking for visitation spiting you? He has a right to request visitation anyway. What is there to protect your child from, is he some kind of dangerous criminal? Or just an asshole to you? Has he requested to see his son at all? Have you attempted to arrange and facilitate visits for your son without you around?

Michelle - posted on 12/26/2014

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You really should get custody/visitation sorted out now. You don't want him to come along in 3-5 years time and all of a sudden wanting 50/50 shared care (and he could get it).
He is the child's Father and does have every right to see his child and form a relationship. You can't stop that even without court orders and if you do then it could go against you if he ever decides to take you to court for visitation/custody.

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