Deadbeat Dad, Haven't seen him for over 2yrs, but still calls

Aurelia - posted on 07/23/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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It has been 2 and a half years since my daughter has seen her father, she is now 6. He has made the choice to stay away. He would rather not see his child than to pay court ordered child support. He calls every week to talk with her, that's the extent of his parenting role and therefore that makes him super dad in his eyes. Yes, I am angry/bitter, whatever you want to call it. He's hurting my child with his selfish behavior. These calls cause a rollercoaster of emotions for her. She's happy to hear from him, but after the call she is either weeping wanting to know why her daddy hasn't come back to see her, that he must not love her enough, or she is angry & acts out. I try to smooth things over to protect her little heart. (I do not speak of him in front of her.) I tell her "Daddy would be here if he could, he loves you very much. I tell her I know that she is upset and it's okay to feel that way, even though you have these feelings you can't be destructive or act ugly to mommy. She wants to know when he's coming back and I have to tell her that mommy doesn't have that answer. This is one that mommy can't fix.
My heart breaks for her and it ticks me off all at that same time. I am struggling with what to do, what's best for her. I think about not answering the phone calls anymore. The calls seem to cause more turmoil for her than good for her. Do I keep answering the calls and watching her get her little heart broken every Sunday? Or cut all ties until he does get his act together and comes back around?(if ever)
I struggle with what to do, I just don't know what's best thing to do in the long run.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/23/2015

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Huh, he is a pretty slick piece of shit huh? Well, I know how I would personally handle it....but it may not be right for everyone.

First off, lose him, block him.....delete him from facebook. Lockdown your account so no one can share your photos of your kid. You don't need that aggravation. Especially if it doesn't give a clue to where he is. OR.........you could use the messenger app...that goes with facebook? Text him through it. It can tell you exact location btw. Unless he has changed the settings. Is he usually at "home" on Sundays when he calls?

Is he an independent driver? Does he own his own truck? If he rents, you may be able to track him down. Or if he belongs to a company, that may help.

If you have no interest in any of this, you could certainly just not answer the phone when he calls. Don't necessarily "cut ties" just don't answer. This could hurt your daughters feelings for sure though, because she already has daddy issues.

As far as your daughter goes, getting her into some supportive therapy to work out her concerns might help her a lot! Some good counseling to work out her confusing feelings on this matter can go a long way!

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Adina - posted on 07/25/2015

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My daughter's father only calls her too and he hasn't seen her in years. He gets her hopes up when he calls and he just started paying child support because they found his job. Before he was ducking and dodging child support. They are sickening. Eventually the kids will realize that they are p.o.s and God doesn't like ugly, He may seem to be getting away with it now but trust and believe all of that will add up to Back Child Support when he gets caught eventually and he will owe arrearage. And when they finally catch him your account will be getting a lot of money. I know because it happened to me. If you have a name and d.o.b and state he may live in I'm sure I can track him down from a traffic violation somewhere I'm sure he's had a ticket. I'll help you

Adina - posted on 07/25/2015

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What State does he live in and what is his first and last name and d.o.b child support will not investigate, you have to supply them with the information. I can help you find him. I'm sure he's had a traffic violation if he drives. I can run him in the system.

Aurelia - posted on 07/23/2015

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Oh he is definitely a piece of shit in my book. Child support agency has tried running his social and comes up with nothing. I know he is working, travels west coast to east coast, takes pictures from the cab of his truck and post them on FB. Other than hiring a private investigator I am at a dead end and that gets pretty expensive (had to do it during custody court). Part of me is glad that he is staying away, I don't have to deal with him, or worry about how my child is doing when he has her. It is just so hard on her. I would love to just stop answering his calls and I may. I just don't want her to hate me later for doing what I think is right for her now. Caught between a rock and a hard place. Therapy is definitely needed, I have thought about it, now I need to act on it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/23/2015

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He clearly doesn't care about custody, or paying for his child. This is the definition of a dead beat dad. Your daughter deserves to know her dad, but she doesn't know him. She talks with him once a week. He won't see her. He won't help support her. And she cries every time she talks with him. Nice guy.

Aurelia - posted on 07/23/2015

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Little Miss Can't be wrong,
He is the center of his universe and we just revolve around him. He is super dad to all his FB friends, always posting things about his great daughters. He has two older children in Virginia that he hasn't supported either. He believes because I have a decent job that I shouldn't get his money, even said it in court. They explained to him that it is his responsibility to support his child, but he is the only one that matters to him. Child support services cannot locate him to serve him or garnish any wages.

Aurelia - posted on 07/23/2015

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Jodi, the last time he was seen was in support court. He had to pay a specific amount to keep from going to jail that day. (because he doesn't see it as his responsibility to HELP support his child)
He had visitation, every other weekend, up until that day. It has since been revoked. I have never told him that he cannot see her, well aware that support and visits are seen as separate issues. He stays away so that he cannot be served papers to go back to court. He drives a truck long distance and does not have a perm. residence. Can't find him can't serve him.

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2015

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Court ordered child support and visitation have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Is he the one choosing to stay away? Or has he been told that if he doesn't pay he can't come and see her?

If he's not paying, you should have it followed up. With regard to cutting him off, that's not a great idea - it could be seen as parental alienation and he could take you to court and may even gain custody if he can prove you put a stop to the relationship.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/23/2015

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Why does he get ANY say about whether he pays child support? Do you have a lawyer? Visitation set up? Honestly, it sounds to me like he thinks if he doesn't see her, he doesn't have to pay for his time with her. Does he realize your daughter is not a time share property?

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