Dealing with a difficult 2 year old. Spanking?

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Raye - posted on 03/16/2015

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Ahhh, the terrible two's. I agree with Dove and Sarah. You need to be firm with her. Don't give in to the tantrums. Ignore them if possible. If she's hurting herself, then wrap her up in a blanket and hold her still until she stops fighting (the blanket helps keep her from swinging fists at you). It will take TONS of patience. But you need to be consistent. You and the grandparents need to talk to be more on the same page. Children can learn different rules at different houses, but it helps if they're not TOO different.

Sarah - posted on 03/16/2015

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I agree. There is no reasoning with a stressed out toddler. Tantrums will burn themselves out as long as no one is fueling the fire. That includes grandparents. When the tantrum starts, just ignore her, and make no eye contact. You can tell her that when she is done, then she can....read her favorite book, play with a special toy. If she is indeed going to harm herself, pick her up like a bear hug from behind and put her somewhere safe and let the fury commence. It will flare up before it gets better and as Dove points out tantrums are normal for this age. They have lots of feelings and energy yet not the skills to manages all of that emotion.
It may help a bit if you privately talk with the grandparents and explain how much you appreciate their help and how much Norah enjoys their company. Explain that you their help to make transitions soother for Norah. If they could come in with a kiss, hug and a high-five and leave the same way she will learn to enjoy that ritual as well and as expect and it will not "set her off" the way the hello and good-bye sets her off now. Hang in there.

Dove - posted on 03/16/2015

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You are just going to have to be firm (but VERY patient) and consistent. She is two. You haven't warped her for life at this point. Temper tantrums are VERY normal at 2/3 years old. Personally I think spanking a child for having emotions is ridiculous, so I would definitely advise against contemplating that. Your husband definitely needs to be involved in the firmness and consistency, but since he is not her biological father... he doesn't get a vote on whether or not she gets spanked. I absolutely would NOT cave on this one.

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K4krystalking - posted on 03/18/2015

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They say after two a child is set in their ways, I think two is a perfect time for spanking if your child is constantly disobeying. I also believe in talking to them and putting them in the time out chair after explaining what they did wrong. (they understand more than you think) good luck!!

Jessi - posted on 03/17/2015

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I'd say too young
Maybe not spank but a light tapping while Saying "no" or something
Something a little more age appropriate

Dove - posted on 03/17/2015

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Just as a heads up... all of my kids had tantrums at 2... and all of my kids got worse at 3, so if that happens... do NOT be surprised and do NOT let it make you feel like a failure. My girls got better at 4... my son still got worse, but he has extenuating circumstances (depression and anxiety), so he didn't really start to get better until we got some counseling. So again... tantrums are very normal, but they DO end w/ firm patience and consistency. WHEN they end though... that depends on a variety of things. ♥

Samantha - posted on 03/16/2015

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Thank you ladies!
I soooo appreciate your help, I am absolutely going to talk with her grandparents (and everyone in our lives for that matter) about having a routine hello and goodbye, great suggestion with the high-fives!
I know in my gut that she is too young for spanking so I greatly appreciate your reassurance Dove!

I am so grateful I found this website!

Samantha - posted on 03/16/2015

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It starts usually by overstimulation, usually when we have guests over or music playing.
I'm a working mother so she spends a lot of time with her grandparents which I thought would be a good thing but my parenting style (using time outs when she is acting out and not giving her what she wants when it's either not something she can play with or dangerous ect...) my mother is the complete opposite she over stimulates her and makes greetings and goodbyes a big deal so my daughter over reacts and gets very emotional at those times to the point of crying and fit throwing)
I'm just not sure how to keep consistency when her grandparents aren't willing to maintain it. When I get my daughter after she spends time with them she throws things at me and screams and almost hurts herself.
Her main issues right now are her fits, like tantrums she gets to a point where she starts throwing herself around and hitting her head and hands on walls. She won't eat the food I provide that she usually loves.
My husband thinks we need to spank her but in my heart I feel that's wrong.
I try to understand my daughters feelings and I squat down to get to her eye level and ask her what she wants and then try to explain "no Norah we can't olay with that because it could hurt you" and then I try to redirect her to one of her toys but she is so persistent and angry when she doesn't get her way.

My problem is I am only now trying to keep consistency regrettably, I wasnt the best mother for her first year because I was so young when I had her and her father (not my husband) wasn't around so I almost spoiled her because I felt I had to make up for the lack,
I want to know how to correct my parenting now after all this time, I feel like she doesn't take me seriously, probably because she doesn't.

Help!

Raye - posted on 03/16/2015

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2 years old is a bit young for spanking. What problems are you having, and what have you tried already to solve the problems?

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