[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )
Hi everyone, this is my first post on here and so I apologize in advance if it gets confusing and if it's too lengthy. I guess I should start off with some background information, my fiancé and I have had a complicated relationship from the start but love each other so much and are trying to learn how to work things out, we will also be getting married in less than five months! He has a three year old son who I adore and care about very much and he likes me a lot as well. The birth mother and my fiancé were together for about five months before she tricked him into getting her pregnant (said she was on birth control when she wasn't), things were good until she cheated on him when their son was around five months old. She now has three kids with three different dads, going through a divorce with a whole different guy, and moving in with another guy. She's one of those people you hear horror stories about but never truly believe their could be someone out their like that. She's always used their son against my fiancé constantly threatening to take him away, harasses not only him but his friends, has not allowed him to have a relationship before me and many many other things. When she initially found out about me she flipped out calling me a bunch of nasty names and tried to take their son away away, and it's basically been that way throughout our entire relationship except she never actually takes their son away. She rarely ever takes care of her children, preferring to leave them at their dads' families houses while she goes out to party. My fiancé has been the sole provider and caretaker of their son since he was born. It wasn't until recently that she's started seeing him regularly because my fiancé moved for a job. She has no boundaries, calling whenever she wants about things unrelated to their son, going into my fiance's family's nail shop for free and even eating at his parents house. She won't even allow their son to be at our wedding. I'm at a complete lost as to how to feel, think and react. We have always and still are fighting about this issue and I don't know if I am overreacting or if I have some validity here. I hate that my life has become something right out of a jerry springer show. For you women who have dealt with this please give me some advice here, it is completely overwhelming.
My second issue is an obvious one, that my fiancé has no rights when it comes to his son. This is something that we have also always argued about because I feel that as a father that's the one thing that he should be working towards but to him he sees no point in it because he already went once and obviously lost. He says that nothing has changed in the last almost three years since they went to court and so he is only setting himself up for failure if he goes again. He says he will NOT talk about this again because he has no control over the situation. He is adamant that I never talk about it again. I partially understand his point of view but at the same time I don't want to live this way for the rest of my life. Letting a disgusting excuse for a person control our lives.. I don't know what to think or do.
I applaud anyone that reads this entire thing and am thankful for any advice. Thanks a lot guys!