Dealing with the Biological Mother

Millie - posted on 12/10/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have been married for nearly two years, have two biological children and two step. It is hell trying to get communication straight between my husband and his ex when it comes to my stepkids. I have tried to be nice, tried to communicate properly and explain my own feelings, concerns, etc. to no avail. The bio mom seems to want to control our lives when it comes to "her kids". She expects us to go out to dinner as couples with the kids and hang out at each others houses, etc (which I haven't and am not about to do). One day she came right up in my house, walked right past me and into my family TV room, where we share intimate time together as a family, with no respect for me whatsoever to speak with my husband and stepkids ... I absolutely could not believe what I was seeing. I called her out after having the kids leave the room and told her that I was uncomfortable with her walking all over in my house like she owned it and told her I would be more comfortable if we could all sit/meet together in the front room (for visitors) instead. She thinks I'm crazy. I have never been exposed to such before and am extremely uncomfortable. My stepkids and I were having a pretty good relationship until all of this started happening. I have decided that I am stepping back and letting my husband take control of the situation because I am done messing with her unless it is strictly civil for the kids sake. I used to be friends with her in the beginning but I just ended up gossiping with her and recently she tried to accuse me of stalking her friends on her FB page (which I didn't do). She has also made promises and offers to our family that she has not kept and she has lied numerous times. I just blocked her and blocked my stepkids from my FB account because my stepdaughter had said that her mom goes on her FB and looks at everything. I told my husband that I hated to block them but I personally believe that she is jealous in some way or something (I post things that all the kids do with my husband and I on my account, etc.) She even had an argument with husband about money before then sent me a text that we couldn't call/text them anymore because she paid for their phones (which I thought was an insane motion). I told my husband that if the kids want to speak to me they will just have to call my cell or the home phone when they are not at our house. I personally don't believe that we have to be up her tail to be good parents/examples to the kids. The kids are teens, when they come over that should be "our" time with them and when they are at her house, that should be "her" time with them. She has remarried and has other kids so I wouldn't say that there is a lack of attention anywhere. Also, does my husband need to hang out at her house to hear what's going on with his kids? Why can't the kids call him on the phone when it's not our week to have them to tell their dad themselves how they are doing? I don't know, I don't get the whole - "we have to all hang out and be like one huge happy blended family" thing when we can do just fine on our own when it's our time to have the kids. Also, she constantly harasses my husband about money when he already pays his child support in full to her... Even after that she still complains about needing more.... Any advice? Anyone else have this issue? I'm just sick of it.... Am I horrible for not wanting to deal with her? I love my stepkids but I don't want a relationship with her.

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