Death is reason

Crystal - posted on 08/02/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm can't think straight and have no one to talk too. My brother died last week and my sons birthday party is Saturday. Would canceling it be selfish? He doesn't know he was having one. I'm devastated and I'm not sure I can handle another group after the funeral

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LTM - posted on 08/04/2014

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Cancel the party, Crystal. You'll still be sad this time next year, but in a better state to host a birthday party than you are now. People who are told the party is cancelled will understand why. And your son will understand that you are sad right now. On his birthday I suggest that you keep reminding him how happy you are that it is his birthday ... and take him to the movies or some kind of activity that does not require a great deal of effort to have a 'good time'.
It would be a mistake to spoil his birthday party with tears, and right now I doubt you need the pressure of trying to remain cool, calm and collected in what is always a stressful time (kids' birthday parties) when your pain from your brother's death is so raw.
Hugs to you.

Chet - posted on 08/03/2014

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I'm really sorry this happened. Losing somebody you love is a terrible thing to go through.

This hardly compares, but my husband got fired when our third child turned 1. I was four months pregnant with our forth child, and we had a week to be out of the country because of the type of work visa my husband had. We were living in temporary housing and all of our possessions were in transit from the US to England even though we had to go back to Canada. We didn't feel like celebrating our son's first birthday and so we didn't... not right away at least. We waited a couple of days, and because he was only one he didn't care. Our older girls were 3.5 and 5 and although they were excited to have a little party, waiting a couple of days didn't make a difference to them. It was fine.

That said, life does on. For some people it helps to stay busy, and to connect with other people. Hosting the party might help you some.

But this is really up to you. It would be reasonable to have the party, move the party or cancel the party. In the long run, you'll probably want to be able to look back and have done something to mark your son's birthday, but it doesn't need to be huge if you don't feel up to it. Do what you can.

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