Death of a baby

Victoria - posted on 05/07/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I lost my baby a week ago today and I'm devastated. As I"m writing this I'm laying in bed after burying him today. My husband is drunk and loud as usual. All he wants to talk about is what he went through and his loss. Its almost like he is punishing me for losing the baby. He was still born at 36 weeks. I feel so very empty and alone. My husband just keeps buying and buying beers and has no regards for my feeling or the pain that I'm going through. He has his family who drinks and I'm alone,with no,support. How will I get past losing my child? How will I move on. Some people say I have to try immediately after I'm healed, but my husband did not want this baby in the fist seven months of my pregnancy, how will he give me another one. He was always talking down at me and making me feel big and ugly and comparing me to my sixteen year old niece who was also pregnant and skinny. He did more for her in her pregnancy than he did for me. And the stress of all that made my blood pressure rocket and cause me to lose my child. How do I forgive him?

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Michelle - posted on 05/08/2016

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Alcohol isn't the solution for you so don't do what he is doing.
I am sorry for your loss and it will take time to work through your grief. Therapy is great but like Sarah said, you may want to also have a look at your relationship. It doesn't matter how long you have been together, if he is treating you like this you don't have to put up with it.

Victoria - posted on 05/08/2016

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Hi Sarah, thank you for your response. I am currently seeing a therapists and trying to work through my resentment and emotions. It's just really painful at this moment. My husband and i have been together for more than 15years and this was our first baby together. I just expected him to be more involved in the pregnancy like rubbing my feet or helping with cleaning and stuff. For him to compare me with a sixteen year old also hurt because when we met that is exactly how I looked but my body has changed with the year's a,d I am now a grown woman. I am really just trying to come to terms with losing my child, and it just feels like he is already over the loss and its only been a week. Only when he's had a couple of drinks will he start being emotional and I have to ask myself if he is being sincere. My therapist says his drunken emotional state is his true feelings because he keeps it locked away when he's sober. Maybe is should also drink myself silly and let it all out so that he can understand what I'm going through.

Sarah - posted on 05/07/2016

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You are trying to blame him for the loss of the child and that is not fair. Stress does not cause a stillbirth, even if you had high blood pressure. First, this is a terrible tragedy and one that will take you time to get over; I'd advise finding a support group and a therapist ASAP. You have a lot to work out before you have another baby. You need to greive the loss of the child and you need to fix your mess of a relationship with your husband. If he did not want this baby and was horrible to you the whole time, is this a man you even want to parent with for the rest of your life?
I have experience the loss of a child, I know how painful and sad it was for me. It took me a very long time to work thru the grief. The support group for parents of lost children helped the most. Good luck..

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