Deciding to terminate and telling my kids?

Tralene - posted on 09/29/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I need advice. I may have to terminate my pregnancy at 20+ weeks as I have found out that my baby has Dandy Walker Syndrome. I have 2 girls age 7 & 8, what do i tell them? I want to be honest about the decision we make, but Im scared of what it might mean for them. Has someone been in this situation, please what did you do and what effects did it have on your kids?


Denikka - posted on 09/29/2012




I have not had to deal with this type of situation, but I felt I should add in my opinion.

I think you should just be honest with your daughters. Let them know that there's something wrong with the baby, that the baby is very sick. Let them know that the baby won't be coming home from the hospital.

Answer their questions as honestly as you can, without going into the gruesome details of course.

Let them talk about the baby as much or as little as they want. Ask them if they want to do anything for the baby, make a card or small craft or something to that effect.

I don't know what your intentions are, but I would suggest having at least a small, personal funeral service to say good bye. Choose a name for the baby. Show your daughters that even though this little life didn't get a chance to grow up in the world, that it was still important and will be remembered.

It won't be easy. Your girls may want to talk about the baby more than you're comfortable with. Let them. They may not want to talk about it at all. Don't force them. They are losing their sibling just like you are losing a child. You all need to grieve in your own ways.

I can say that as long as you allow them to grieve in a positive manner, they should be fine. Children are resilient and can bounce back from almost anything. Support each other through this difficult time. There's not much more you can do than that.

I am so sorry you're going through this painful situation. I can't imagine what it's like. All I can say is that I hope your heart heals well.

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