defiant 16 1/2 yr old

Gwen - posted on 12/01/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my son is angry I'm not buying him a nice car . I almost did but he blew it with bad bahavior. I now am buying a 1500.00 Crown Victoria. He's pissed and called me a whore, bitch and hates me. I'm miserable in the same house with him. I am a single mom

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/04/2013

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My kid would be walking. Period. I don't CARE if it is 10 miles each way uphill. If either one of my sons had dared utter those words in reference to me, they'd have been walking for the rest of their blessed lives.

Where did he get the idea that calling his mother a whore is acceptable? Never, ever in their lives would either of my sons dream of using such horrible terms in reference to me.

Nope, sorry, I don't care how "inconvenient" it is for him, if he wants a car, he works for it. He walks to his chosen extracurriculars. If he wants rides, great, only for as long as he works to earn them.

Mary - posted on 12/04/2013

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Make him walk to his practices if he is in sports it will help. If you would of spoke to your elders like that what do you think would of happened? . I'm the mother of 4 kids and going to school along with trying to get a small business off the ground. One of my children alone has a need for oh so many hours in a vehicle. But my kids have the understanding you have earn what you receive. If he is talking to you like that why eeward him. How about put the money in an account and tell him when he respect you and all you do for him then and only then will you pay for HALF his car. A child needs to learn value if you hand them something without earning it; the only thing your teaching him is that if he screams and acts in such a manner he will still get his way.

Jodi - posted on 12/02/2013

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Ok, so you will enable him to make it easier on yourself then?

Look, I actually understand that driving back and forth, I really do. I have a 16 1/2 year old son myself who is on a state representative football team as well as on two other sporting teams, and I run him around all over the place. I help my husband run a business, have a business at home myself AND have a full time (more than full time actually) job as a teacher. I also have another child at home plus 2 step-children on a part time basis. So I absolutely get it. This is not advice coming from a parent who doesn't know your burden.

And I will reiterate, if my son spoke to me the way yours speaks to you, he would NOT be getting that car. The world over we have spoiled brats because parents choose to enable them to make it convenient for themselves. Discipline is hard. It is inconvenient. But it is your job NOT to enable you child's behaviour. If you continue to discipline to make it easier on yourself, your son will continue to speak to you like that because he is getting away with it.

Consequences aren't about easing your burden. They are about teaching the lesson. And I'm sorry, but your son does not deserve you to supply his car for him. Time for HIM to get a job and HIM to find his own way to basketball (and yes, I would not do ANYTHING for him while he thought that was an ok way to treat me, which is why I have a child who treats me respectfully).

Gwen - posted on 12/02/2013

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Well the reason for the car is to free myself up from driving him back and forth. We live out of district and it's a 15-20 nin. drive back and forth in addition to basketball etc. It would lessen my burden as I own a small business and need to lose my assistant for hours at a time not to mention the added expense.

That'[s why the inexpensive car.

Jodi - posted on 12/01/2013

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Uh, yeah, if my kid said those things he wouldn't be getting a car at all. He can get a job, save and buy his own.

Michelle - posted on 12/01/2013

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After him acting like that I wouldn't buy him a car at all! I would be telling him that if he wants to act like a 2yo then you will treat him like one. If any of my children throw a tantrum then they don't get anything.
Let him know he can get himself a part time job and buy it himself.

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