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MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2016

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It happens all the time Nadine. We try to point out the legalities of the matter, but it's not what they want to hear so we are just being "mean". **sigh**. Wait until they get in front of a judge when they've gone and done it their own way anyway. Then they'll know what "mean" is when they lost their kid or get slapped with an offence.

I remember when I was 17 and thought I knew everything........

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2016

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Kayla, not sure where that last comment you made stems from, but your post was an inquiry about listed the father on the BC. An RN could lose her license for counseling you to break the law, so don't take her advice. The other mothers are correct that if you knowingly falsify a document you are committing a federal crime. Birth certificates do more than just name parents. Of course you can give the baby your last name if you want but having the actual father listed is important for statistics, death benefits, disability benefits and other things. Also, if you ever need government assistance, WIC, housing etc; you will be obligated to either name him and have a DNA test done, or swear that you do not know who the father could be. Don't risk it. If he is awful then work towards documenting his behavior, bringing evidence that he may be a risk to your child and trying to limit or supervise his visitation. The bottom line is you made a baby with him so you are forever linked. Good luck!

Nadine - posted on 07/08/2016

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I am in canada. You sound a lot like the mother of my grandson, who was confused about why she could not give my grandson up for adoption against my son (the child's father's wishes). Guess what, canada is VERY progressive in the court, as of the last few years.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2016

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My name is not "Shawn Person"...It is SHAWNN.

good grief.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2016

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Oh, hey, does that "nurse" have a law degree? Is she even a certified nurse?

Seriously, your level of maturity is dropping rapidly.

Do whatever the hell you want. Don't come bitching back here when it blows up in your face, the baby's father has full custody and you only get limited visitation due to you falsifying legal documents and attempting to withhold a child from a biological parent.

I hate it when entitled brats think they know everything.

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Nadine - posted on 07/08/2016

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Oh, Jodi, I remember knowing everything too. I forgot it all in my 20s;) Perhaps it was the childbirth:P

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

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Sarah said what we've all been saying and she is helpful, but we are mean... Alrighty then...

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2016

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Nurses and social workers do not study family law, Kayla. It doesn't matter where you live, it's not part of their training. If you want legal advice, talk to a lawyer, but don't take legal advice from a nurse.

And that's "you're" not your.

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

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Even in Canada he can petition the court for a DNA test and go for custody. No, I'm not IN Canada, but I do have friends there who are also parents (and some w/ kids as old or older than you). Sure, if he has no interest in pursuing his parental rights you might get away w/ this. If he WANTS parental rights though... not putting him on the birth certificate will not stop that.

[deleted account]

Yes Shawn person, she does she's apart of the law! She's a nurse/social worker so she knows the rights thanks you very much and I live in Canada I don't know where your from but if it's not Canada well let me tell you about Canada! Women get more rights here specially mothers and your calling me immature your actually the one who's immature so thanks goodbye have a nice day.

Ev - posted on 07/08/2016

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Kayla--do you really think my comments funny? They are true statements and not funny. Go ahead and do what you want to do but you will learn real quick what happens if you do not coparent. Also thinking my comments funny shows your immaturity.

Nadine - posted on 07/08/2016

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You gotta love people who want opinions, then bitch because it is not what they want to hear.

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

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Oh... and my last point: You think what I've been through is a worse situation than you, but my entire reason for sharing that information was because I did not have the legal right to keep that man away from his children... and NEITHER DO YOU.

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2016

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Under the Nurse Practice Act 702.1
"Any behavior consistent with dishonesty, including but not limited to theft, fraud, document falsification, misrepresentation of credentials....is ground for refusal to award, refusal to renew, revocation, suspension or reprimand of license."
That is directly from practice act, so please don't think your nurse knows the law. She knows the game, but not the law. Sure you can choose to not name him, and anyone who knows the truth can report it to the DHS. If you produce a BC without the father and he steps in and claims paternity; the court will order a DNA test and you will be obligated to produce the child for the test.
If you want him out, fine. File for sloe custody. You may very well be awarded just that, by why risk breaking the law?

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

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Unless your nurse also has a law degree... you would be a fool to listen to her legal advice.

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

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Ugh... I hate it when immature children procreate and post on here and then go ahead and do whatever idiotic thing they were planning on doing in the first place.

Don't waste our time if you don't want to hear the truth. I wish your child luck cuz he/she is going to need it w/ two children as parents.

Ev - posted on 07/08/2016

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Actually she does not know what is right and wrong for you. And her advice is wrong. As Sarah E. said.

[deleted account]

Thank you everyone, but I'm just gonna go with my nurses advise because she knows the laws and what's right and wrong for me.

Ev - posted on 07/08/2016

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You do not have to tell us all that is going on. Just the idea of your keeping the child from its father is enough to tell us what we need to know. We have seen lots of posts like yours from teens to adult women. The answers are always the same ones. It would depend on the crimes he committed to keep him from being around kids.

[deleted account]

And I haven't told you everything that I'm about to do, so yes I believe that I won't lose my child plus he has a criminal record that effects him and he has a lot of anger issues also I heard from his sister that he isn't allowed to be around children alone so yea I guess I am feeling pretty dame confident in winning full custody of my child.

Ev - posted on 07/08/2016

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Kayla---you only think you are doing what is best for your baby. Did you know that if dad decides to file for rights to see his child or get some custody set up, you could loose your child to him for alienation?

[deleted account]

Well I am sorry that that happen to you, but just because my problem is not as big as yours doesn't mean that I can't not put him as the father and do things my way because I am doing what's best for my baby and including myself.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/08/2016

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Well, in your 17 YO wisdom, all you have decided to do is illegal.

Own it. You slept with him, and a child was created. He has just as much right as you to be a parent and have a relationship, as does the child.

If you falsify the birth certificate, it is falsification of a LEGAL DOCUMENT which is punishable, sometimes with jail.

If you withhold the child from the rightful biological father, that person has every legal right to petition for custody, cite parental alienation, and have you delegated to the non custodial parent. Is that what you want? You need to consider ALL options, not just your oh so wise 17 YO WANTS.

No, it is not right for him to threaten you, but until you have proof of anything, you don't get a choice. it is NOT your place to decide. This is a LEGAL question.

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

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Sweetie... I've been dealing w/ a creep of a man almost as long as you've been alive. Guess what? The day he admitted in court that he raped me while we were married was the very same day he got unsupervised visitations w/ our two little girls...

How you feel does NOT matter when it comes to the law. If he wants to be involved w/ his child he will be and there is legally nothing in the world you can do to prevent it. He knows he's the father... all he has to do is petition the court for a DNA test and go for custody. I didn't say he WOULD get custody... but many, many women HAVE lost custody of their children for doing exactly what you are planning to do...

Ev - posted on 07/08/2016

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I did the copy and paste of your post to get to the points easier.


{Me and my ex were together for about 7 months off and on, he's been in and out of jail And we fought like crazy! I don't like him what so ever, I know this Sounds terrible but if someone came up to me and told me he had passed away, I think I would have a smile on my face. He has put me through hell he is the first guy That I have ever fought with badly.}-----Well, from your length of time together and it being an on/off relationship, it was never really stable from just that. Also you need to know that it takes two people to make a relationship work and it might have not been just you that went through hell as you put it. You both were putting each other through it. It can not all be on him.
{{ when I told him I still want to have kids in the future because he told me that he wouldn't, this is the only kid he would have and that he doesn't think about dating again because he still loves me. But someone who says they love you and then threatens you and your child saying that he's going to higher some black guy to punch me in the stomach when I was around 14 weeks pregnant or saying if I have another kid he's going to get our kid to beat up my new kid should NEVER use the word love and should not be allowed to have or use the name father, and the reason for him to say these things, is because he wants a family! You know like mother father child happy family,}}------If he was doing these things why did you not get a restraining order against him? And saying those things is not very mature. And the last line about mom, dad, child, happy family…..those take lots of work and do not just “happen”. I do not know what you really think is supposed to happen when a family forms but it is not a fairy tale where everything is happily ever after.
{{ And I can't give that to him because I do not and will never be able to love him again. so what I'm thinking about doing is putting the child under my last name and putting the father as unknown and I know it's gonna kill him but he should have thought about the future on those actions and how I would react on those hateful words. So if you can please comment below I would really like to know how many people think this would be a good or bad idea even though we all know what I'm going to do, but I would still like to know on your guys behalf please and thank you!!!}}}-----You can always give the child whatever surname you want but leaving dad off the BC is called fraud and illegal. DNA can always prove he is the father. He also has the same rights to a child that you do. If you do not allow him time with the child then it will come to haunt you in the form of parental alienation.
{{My names Kayla I'm 17 going to be 18 August 1st I am 24 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I would really like to know how many people think this would be a good or bad idea even though we all know what I'm going to do,}}-----So now to one other item that I want to talk about. You are 17 almost 18 years old. You are still a very young woman. You have yet to learn what the outside world has in store for you. And some of your comments especially the last one wanting to know what people thought of your ideas even though you state that we all know what you were going to do anyway shows your maturity level. Even though we tell you its illegal to do what you want to do, you are more than likely going to do the opposite. So I want to know why you even asked us for advice? You are not ready to parent a child from the comments in your post and neither is he. You said he had served jail time. I am not saying all who do do not change at all but is he going to change? Is he going to step up to help with this child?

[deleted account]

Okay for one thing don't judge me, you hateful person you know nothing about me. And how am I lying lol you don't know shit don't comment back I did not need that comment what so ever at least the other people would give me some advise at the end of there comment you were not helpful at all. Goodbye

[deleted account]

You know you guys are right in ways, I was harsh with my words but at the same time I did write this at around 5 in the morning I was tired and stressed, and I told my nurse that comes to my place these things and she told me I should just put the father as unknown. And to be fair, I'm sure if you guys have lived with his guy you would be doing the same thing you don't know what hes has put me through and I'm not saying I'm perfect and I did not deny him to be the father at first I wanted him to be in this baby's life, untill he said thought hatful things to me. And yes I can be immature but aren't we all at some point, anger can really get a hold of us sometimes, and we say things we don't mean and the things he said were out of anger to except for getting our child to beat up my future child part was not out of anger he says these things to get me angry and it works. He stresses me out as we all know pregnant women can not be around stress because it's not good for the baby! And im still going to be putting him as unknown and for that first comment no he can't get full custody, and I did like him a lot at the time but also we were doing bad things I was not myself if you know what I mean... And this baby has really changed my life around so much I am so happy!!! If anyone wanted to hurt my baby I would kill them!!

Dove - posted on 07/08/2016

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What you want to do is illegal and if he takes you to court over it he could, potentially, get full custody of the child.

If you didn't like him... you probably shouldn't have had sex w/ him. Yes, that's harsh, blunt, whatever... but 'we' (as in every woman) have the power to control who the father of our children is BEFORE we sleep w/ a man. After that... it's biology and the law no matter how you feel or what he does (unless/until a judge deems him unfit... but that only happens w/ a lot of solid, documented evidence).

If he is harassing you, you can take your evidence to a police station and try to get a temporary restraining order... but that would just include you. When the baby is born you need to file for custody, visitation, and child support. How he is w/ you 'might' have a little bearing on how court goes, but not necessarily.

Michelle - posted on 07/08/2016

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Jodi raises a good point. I don't like my ex, he cheated on me and was abusive and still is an alcoholic. I have never stopped him from seeing his children though as he loves them and mainly does look after them.

You can give your child whatever surname you want, it doesn't deny the child's paternity. It doesn't matter what information you omit from legal documents, DNA doesn't lie.

What you have said shows that you may not be mature enough to have a child of your own. You are wanting to hurt the Father because he said some mean things to you. Think about your CHILD, that unborn baby has a right to know it's Father and you DON'T have the right to deny that. You liked this man enough to sleep with him and have unprotected sex, now you have to live with the consequences.

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2016

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Before I even started reading your post, my first thought was "it's not your right to decide to cut the father out of the child's life". My first thought will not change once I read your post.

Now having read your post:

You don't have the right to deny him the opportunity to get to know his child without first going through a court of law, where that becomes the judge's choice based on the evidence you present. Nothing you have said here so far would count as particularly strong evidence for removing a father from the life of the child. He doesn't have to be in your life, just that of his child.

You are definitely more than welcome to put the child on the birth certificate with your name, but you should name the father. That child deserves the opportunity to know who its father is, even if he doesn't step up. You don't use the future of your child to punish the father that you don't like. Heck, I don't like my son's father either, but he does. He loves him. That's his right. I don't have the right to deny him that - you don't have the right to deny your child that either.

Michelle - posted on 07/08/2016

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What you are planning to do is fraud.
You made the choice to have his baby so you are stuck with co-parenting for at least the next 18 years.
Just because he has said those things to you doesn't mean he is going to be a threat for the child. I suggest talking to a lawyer as they know the law where you are and can advise you accurately.

Nadine - posted on 07/08/2016

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You would be lying on an official document, which could constitute fraud, depriving your child not only of a father, but of his/her rights to support. It really will not make a difference in terms of keeping him away if he wants to be a father, he will just petition the court to force a paternity test, at which time the courts will not be impressed with your parental alienation. Using your child as a weapon is also extremely childish, and just plain bad parenting.

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