Foolish_passion6 - posted on 03/20/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
My husband has been deployed since the end of December and will not be back til sometime in October. Last month, he said that he wasn't sure if he was in love with me anymore and he wasn't sure if he could take our relationship anymore. We've been together for 6 years this September, married for 5 this June. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter together. Our relationship has been rocky since we got married, it was great while dating. For the last few years, we have fought almost daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. We both have issues communicating. He doesn't talk at all til he can't take anymore and I "overreact". I feel that the only way he hears me is if I get "crazy", yell, try to get physical, threaten divorce, take my rings off, tell him I don't love him, etc. I KNOW this is not how to handle things. Again, this has been going on for the majority of the relationship. After a few days last month, he said he wanted to work on things and he loves me. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. Things seemed fine for a couple weeks except for the fact that I was sending him articles about how we can make things better and fight less. He said he'd read them and never did. He said he never had time to read them and talk about anything, yet he would talk to me for hours with hardly anytime between messages, he'd be on fb sharing stuff and all that. So, why wasn't there time? Now, about a week ago, I woke up to about 5 messages of him saying he's sorry, but he can't do this. He isn't in love with me, he doesn't love me, and he sees no way that the fighting will stop and he wants new experiences (other people) and we've done too much bad to each other (the fighting, Also, twice that I caught him, he went on chatrooms and talked to people how he shouldn't. The first time was before his first deployment in 2011 and the second time after that deployment in 2012.). He said we are done. I begged for another try. He is standing his ground. I asked him to give it a year of genuine trying and counseling for a year AFTER he gets home in Ocotber. He said he'd give me a year to finish school and get on my feet. He was talking to me a little bit about other things, but it's like once he catches himself having a bit of a real conversation, he goes back to saying "yeah, ok, yup, lol" etc. I tried again yesterday to see if he'd give it another shot and he got mad and said "I'm not having this discussion again. Go back and read the messages. I don't love you". Shortly after that, we stopped talking, I did have to message him last night to tell him I need a copy of his LES for our daugter's WIC appt Monday morning, He saw the message and never responded. I'm trying not to message him for a while to see if that makes a difference. My only concern (besides the obvious= him going through with this) is that there is someone else. He said there isn't and that he wouldn't while we are still married. But, I asked him yesterday if he was and he said "No, but we'll see what happens over time" =/ I know that it is VERY likely that there already is someone else and they're making him feel that good feeling we lost a long time ago. If that's the case, there is no hope for us. Also, he was told a few days ago that he has a slight case of scoliosis, so he is on meds and profile and he was told last deployment and this one that he is showing signs for PTSD. I don't know if these things are contributing to this. Has anyone else been through this? If so, what happened? What do I do now? Thank you for taking the time to read this.