Ashley - posted on 02/01/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
SO I have a depressed spouse. This began shortly after the birth of our only son. He has said that the stress and pressures of raising a son is a lot for him to handle. As in my other post he stated he changed his mind and no longer wanted a second child. We went to therapy over this issue, I contemplated the idea of leaving him over this issue, feeling very betrayed (because we had always agree on having at least two children) I decided to drop the subject for the love of my husband, but more for that of the son I already had. I looked past this and decided to move on with my life that I was already happy in although disappointed. Then he became very depressed by his own omission. He hardly spoke to me, no longer played baseball, bowled, went out with friends, or was the happy, fun, loving man I married. For over a year now he has been depressed, not as badly at first and now much worse. We are not intimate including holding hands, cuddling or sex. I lost the man I fell in love with. I decided to stick through this with him because I love him. I do everything from cleaning, laundry, taking the dogs out, taking care of our son, cooking, shopping, working. He works and comes home, sleeps, watches tv or uses the computer. Has little interaction with us. Some days are better than others. Some days he plays with our son talks a little more with me and other days it is the opposite. It has been almost a hell like experience. I feel horrible and tortured, I think of the great life I once had. So in love and best friends. Now I just think about everything before I say or do it. Like will this make it worse, does he still love me, or what am I doing wrong? I try not to bring any subjects up that will trigger him. I don;t complain about the fact that I am doing everything or that he is making me miserable due to the depression. I have been very good about giving him space. Yet I am still showing him I care and try to be supportive and loving. I know he is suffering silently. I feel for his pain also. Some days I cry just for his hurt. He has had a difficult life growing up. He also recently revealed a horrible thing that happened to him as a child. I thought this may be the true source of the depression. I thought with this off his chest he could start to heal. He is in counseling and has been for some time, starting taking an antidepressant for some time with no effects. Nothing is better at this point. One of the psychologists suggested he move out and we date each other to stimulate a start over. I find that idea horrible. I am married with a child. I want us to work this out together. But then some days I get so mad and I feel maybe it would be better for us both if he left. (we don't fight, if it ever gets on the verge of that due to this depression subject he always ends the conversation). But its misery. But I know if he does leave that the it will be a very difficult task for me to even think about taking him back if he decided to come back. I will feel so hurt that he turned his back on us. We still sleep in the same bed and everyone else besides very close family do not suspect anything is going on with him. Our son is two and too young to notice that he is depressed. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want him to get better and for us to be a family again. I still do love him so much and I just want him to heal and not feel this pain any longer. I am at a loss for what to do. Hoping that someone else has experienced this.....