Desperate for advice...

Jody - posted on 07/16/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




just a little back round info my fiance and I have been together on and off for 3 years now, he has a 5 year old from a previous relationship i have a 9 year old from a previous relationship and we have a 2 year old together and i am currently 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child together. during our relationship together i was never allowed around his 5 year old due to him living in another state and his mother not being over her and my fiances split so therefore she wouldnt allow him to be around me. recently my fiance and I went to court and got visitations with his 5 year old who is now spending 50% of the time with us, due to the fact that my fiance has to work alot in order to support our growing family that leaves me spending 90% of the time with his 5 year old. recently his 5 year old has been really acting up with me and up until now my fiance and i have always been on the same page as far as how we deal with our children and the fact that they are all treated equally. but there was an incident a few days ago were his 5 year old balled his fists up in my face and was yelling at me normally my disipline with his child is to talk to him and put him in the corner for time out but after trying that and getting the result i got i needed back up so i got my fiance out of the shower to help me with the situation and much to my suprise his solution was to tell him to get dressed and said nothing to him about what he did that was wrong. i asked my fiance what he was doing he said he was just going to take him to work with him so he didnt have to hear me complain about his son. i was completly taken back by this and rightfully upset. I felt his son needed a spanking and a good talk but in the end he told him dont do that again and to apologize to me. this inncident caused a huge problem in our relationship to the point were we both were second guessing our relationship together. obviously i dont want to end my relationship i just want him to back me up and enforce the fact that his child needs to learn to respect me. my fiance feels i dont like his 5 year old but thats not the case i suspect his son has some form of adhd and he is a handful to take care of so at the end of our visits with him i do feel a sense of relief but that doesnt mean i dont like his child... i could use any and all advice i can get has anyone else ever been in this situation?


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Ashley - posted on 07/16/2012




it could be too that your fiance is worried that if he or you do something wrong he might loss his son again, and he just got him back, it could be a big problem if his son runs to his mom and said daddy hit me. if she didn't want his son in your guys life in the first place she might look for any reason to gain back full custody.

i would ask your fiance if this could be his problem, some guys dont know how to show their true emotions and will do or say something totaly diff to make you feel its something else. my husband and i had a fight two weeks before our wedding over the house, and later that night i found out he was just having cold feet. we did however get married. sometimes its not what you think it is.

talk to him make sure he knows you support him all the way, and that you do like his son and only want to treat him as your own and equal to yours and the two you both have. talk to him bout the adhd explain that hes a handful and your not use to how he is, and maybe talk about having him checked for it.

Kelina - posted on 07/16/2012




it might help to sit down and talk to him. Explain that you do like his son and that you want to be the best stepparent you can be however you're finding him a little more difficult to handle and that's forcing you to expand who you are as a parent and that's going to take time, creativity and help. As for his son possibly having adhd, just thought you should know that if he does, spanking wouldn't be particularly effective. he needs to learn other outlets for his emotions and other coping mechanisms just like most kids, but his you might have to be a little more obvious at teaching and demonstrating.

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