Desperate for guidance on having a baby with my husband! Help!

Stacie - posted on 06/16/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My hubby and I are happily married with a blended family. I came in to our marriage with two boys while he came into our marriage with one son. The ages are 10, 11, and 14. My husband adopted the two sons I brought into our family and the awesome son he brought in, we only have shared custody of. Here is the tough part. We have tormented over the decision on whether or not to have another child. You see, my husbands only biological child is infertile. He had complications as a baby that have made it impossible to ever have a biological child. We have gone through so many different emotions on this! We would LOVE to have a beautiful child together! It seems though that every time we try and decide what to do, we get stuck! Oh! And my tubes are tied (kind of an important fact) , so we would need to get a reversal. Our concerns are many. 1. We want to be sure to give our three boys we have, all the time and attention they deserve. 2. Our oldest wants no part of a new baby. 3. We would have a pretty big age gap. 4. We would be older parents (we would be 35 or 36 when the baby is born) 5. We wouldnt be able to travel like we planned 6. We love our time together and routine we have.
Those are the concerns...But the blessings are 1. We would have the gift of a beautiful life we made together who we know we would be completely crazy about. 2. We both want to see my husbands genes carried on. 3. We don't want to regret not having a child together.
What do we do!? HELP!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Raye - posted on 06/17/2015

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Michelle, she said that his bio son cannot reproduce. So the blood line would end with the one son he has now unless he had another child.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/16/2015

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I must disagree with ms. Carter.
This needs to be a family decision. Each existing child should be able to express their opinion and be heard.
Older siblings don't just 'automatically' love the new baby, and it can cause complications in your existing relationship with them.
If, after extensive family discussion, you decide to proceed, maybe see about having your eggs harvested, fertilized with his sperm externally, and then implanted?

Michelle - posted on 06/16/2015

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You also need to know that the reversal may not work. You may be better off looking into IVF instead. You will need to discuss that with your doctor and the chances of the reversal being successful.
I had my 3rd at 35 so you'll not be too old to have a child. We have done a fair bit of traveling with all 3 children so it can be done.
While the oldest child might be against having a baby around at the moment, it's not up to him. In a few years he will be off to college or out on his own so he won't have to be around his new sibling much. I would be wanting to know his reason for not wanting you to have a baby though.
It's really a decision that you and your husband have to make. You'll have to weigh up the cost of the reversal/IVF and the chances of it not working as well.

Sarah - posted on 06/16/2015

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I think you need to find out why oldest does not want a baby. Though it might not be the deciding factor it is something you do need to look at. You have a blended family, sometimes that does affect the children already in the family when you add a baby between the two of you.....it is different than a non blended family just adding another child. So in some ways a child's opinion does matter more in your situation.

Saijra - posted on 06/16/2015

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All sorts of things are happening. First off this is a decision that you and your husband need to make not the kids if you do have a baby the oldest will love it he might not agree to it but its not his decision you will still be there for the 3 boys the age gap is ok they won't be as close to the new baby but when they get older the baby will have great roll models don't worry about your age my grandma had my dad just before she reached menopause and my aunts had their kids around the time my dad was born you would still be able to travel probably not while your pregnant but you will still be able to after the baby is born get your tubes untied first and don't use protection have sex as much as you can when you can miracles can happen if it happens it happens if it doesn't well at least you tried just don't give up

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Stacie - posted on 06/17/2015

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Yes, sadly, my hubby's biological son will never be able to have children. He had complications as an infant that resulted in both testicles dying and having to be removed. It was and still is very tragic and difficult to wrap our minds around.

Michelle - posted on 06/17/2015

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His bloodline won't end, he already has a son. That doesn't make any sense at all.

Stacie - posted on 06/16/2015

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Thank you so much for all the helpful input! Our son who is not wanting us to have a child has a few things. He lives with his mom primarily and I think there is a sadness that he would be away so much. But more than that he has been pretty clear that he likes being the only biological child to my hubby.

We aren't going to be completely devastated if I am unable to have another child, but we feel this very strong pull to try. It's is so hard to know what the right thing is to do! The one thing that I think is going to be very difficult is if we don't, my husband will have to accept that his bloodline will end. That's a tough thing for him to wrap his mind around.

Thank you again for all the input! We need as many perspectives to look at as possible. Thank you!

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