Desperate Step Mom Please Please HELP

Wendy - posted on 04/07/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Where to begin I am at a total loss on what to do my soon to be step son comes and goes when he wants does not have a job and dropped out of school. If rules are applied he gets very angry even if you try and talk and he don't like what you are saying he leaves maybe for rest of day or for a few days. He has in past destroyed walls doors gets violent. He says he is not loved and he is worthless gonna drive off a bridge. The father does not want to kick him out because he knows he won't make it. Also he raised him and brother for the mother walked out when they were young. The father has two other children from another marriage but has no contact and don't want to that to happen with these.The tension and stress levels are so high, All are uncomfortable. I have read several sites, books and articles but none have helped. This young man has all the control and plays on dads weak side. I don't know what to do can anyone please help me???

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Chana - posted on 04/07/2015

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Raye has the right idea with the agreement. I lived with my parents but my parents were older(dad was 65 and mom was 64) when I graduated college. I stayed at home because they needed help with just basic day to day things that became harder as they got older. I had a full time job, did not pay rent but paid certain household bills, bought any food that was needed between major grocery shopping, along with things I needed for lunches. I also did some of the housework most of it has they got older and the yard work. It was not a free ride by any means. I was also the chauffeur as my dad did not drive and my mom was not comfortable driving as she got older. We did not have a written agreement but it was understood. I followed their rules and I knew what the consequences were if I didn't.

Raye - posted on 04/07/2015

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Maybe you can write out a lease agreement and spell out all the conditions on which these boys get the privilege of living at home. If they choose not to follow the rules, then they will be evicted. They should finish school (or obtain a GED). They should have a job and contribute to the expenses of the residence. They should help keep the common areas clean. If they eat with the family, they should help with the dishes. Write out a punishment clause... minor infractions get verbal warnings, too many verbal warnings or one major infraction will get them written warnings, and at three written warnings they get booted. Teach them a little real life while allowing a few mistakes to slide because you're family. But stop letting them take complete advantage.

Raye - posted on 04/07/2015

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They are both adults. If they are unable to follow the rules of the house, boot their asses out.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/07/2015

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The adult children need to be out. There's no reason on this earth that they cannot survive on their own.

Wendy - posted on 04/07/2015

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Thank you for responding however the he is the younger the other is 21 and he still lives at home too just not bad like the 19 yr old. We wanted to go to counseling but the 19 yr old will not go and stormed out.

Raye - posted on 04/07/2015

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The family needs to be in counseling. The dad obviously hasn't been able to control this kid, and you won't be able to either. It is not okay for this kid to act this way. Dad needs to step up and get the boy the help he needs. Kids need boundaries, and the younger one will start acting the same way if he sees the older one getting away with so much. It's not your job to try and fix it. It's dad's job.

Wendy - posted on 04/07/2015

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I want to add he when he does come home sleeps all day til 3 and 4. You approach him in anyway he says things like "everyone is out to get me I'm no good I just need to die" then storms off. There is no talking to him he can't be reached don't know what to do. Please please need help/advice

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