Desperatly need advice.

Stephanie - posted on 09/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Basically my ex (father of my 5 1/2 year old) doesn't ever see my daughter, he see's her 3 times a year if he has the money, bearing in mimd he lives 2 hours away. He phones every sunday if he remembers or if he has credit on his mobile phone. I cannot stand him but I put it aside for my daughter. I keep my mouth shut and I am pleasent for her sake. I stayed with him for 2 years for my daughter. I am now married with another child. But I do not know what to do. I lived in the south when she was born and when we split up he moved away and had nothin to do with her. Then I though I would try again for her so I moved to where he was but to no avail he didn't change, total waster and never spent any time with her. We moved back and then I through him out, he was selling ,my things for cigarettes and putting us in debt so I through him out because I didn't want it for my daughter. He left and moved up north (6 hours away) amd didnt see her unless he was seeing his friends. Hasn't given me a penny for her. We have seen solicitor's before so he would see her, and for about a moth he followed but then nothing. I keep giving him chance after chance but totally useless. I met my now husband and we moved to the midlands because of his work and I thought it would be an opportunity for her to see her dad but he has only seen her 6 times in 2 years. He always uses the same excuse I have no money my benefit money has been stopped, I'm not with my gf no more so I'm moving back down south! Again she saw him when ever he could be bothered and I again kept my mouth shut. Got pregnant and everything was fine with her seeing her dad when he decided to move back up north until he asked to have her for 2 weeks and I said no because I didn't feel he hadn't had her for more than a day and I said maybe when you build trust with her and me then yes. He did nothing but verbally abuse me infront of my daughter over the phone and kept threatening me with court (find it hard to pay as we have a mortgage bills car etc, he is on benefits therefore has nothing to pay for) so I reluctantly said yes because I didnt want the hassle while I was pregnant. He had her for the night, she slept on the floor because his gf didnt want one of her kids sharing a room with the other and I found out she just ate cake and drank coke! Not to mention smoking infront of her. And I'm sorry but you dontlook after a child like that. Ever since it has been let down after let down, moving up and down the country seeing her when he had the money. He had her the other day and everything was fine. She gave him a birthday from her for him for his bday yesterday and that was that. Got home and she tells me that her dad had told her that he said if she plays in the park then I will shout at her and be angry with her, I'm totally gutted because it isnt true. Then to top it off I get a text yesterday saying what the f is this f ing card? I cant believe she got me this f ing card it doesnt even say dad on it, I am her dad so start treating me like it. And I was fuming I told him to ring me and all he did was shout and swear down the phone to me, telling me I am her mum so i should choose the card not her. And he said I will tell her I hate her f ing card. So themn I decided to put the phone down and told him not to ring anymore and get in contact with a solicitor because I have had enough, so he threatened me with court. When something isn't right he will say and do as he pleases infront of my daughter. My husband desperatly wants to say something but doens't want to seem like he is telling us what to do so he has taken a step back. But he isn't happy, because he does everything for us and pays and raises his daughter and all we get is abuse. I am so worried he is going to make me look like I dont ever let him see her. I would do anything to make my daughter happy, anything. But why should she have to put up with someone like this. Asking me why daddy shouted at me and why doesnt my daddy want to see me. Breaks my heart :( Need some advice xxx

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Dottie - posted on 09/24/2012

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Where do you all live? I'm in Ohio and I know that Ohio law states that an unwed mother is legal custodian of the child and the father has no rights until the Court grants him rights. Have you guys ever been to Court on paternity/visitation issues? Is he ordered to pay child support and just doesn't? If so, I would talk to your child support agency and demand that they pursue charges against him for non-payment! Your husband should be allowed to legally adopt her if he treats her like that, maybe you and your husband should seek legal guidance in your state/county and see what you can do to prohibit his visits and telephone calls until he receives parenting classes and anger management! She deserves to have a ROOM when she stays with him, even if its sharing with another little girl! Not sleep on the floor, she is old enough to tell an attorney, or a Guardian ad Litem, which is an attorney appointed to represent her best interest how her dad treats her! She just has to trust that what she tells that attorney WILL make a difference in how her dad treats her! Good luck to you all!

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