dicipline in school

Kelli - posted on 11/19/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My son, Reis, is 6 yearws old and in the 1st grade. They have cards that are pulled each day if there are any behavioral problems. Maximum four and you go to the Principal's office. Reis has never gotten that far, but he pulls cards daily for the same things over and over. It's talking, not being able to sit still, distracting others. I didn't realize the severity until I met with the teacher, and saw his desk separated from the rest of the class. I have taken away almost all of his privledges, and don't really know what else to do. I have talked to him until my face turns blue about the same thing over and over. He is no longer affected by having cards pulled. I think he's used to it being in his daily routine. I have rewarded him for positive behavior, and punished him for negative. What else do I do?

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Traci - posted on 01/29/2011

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One person commented that her child has tourettes, OCD, ADHD, etc.... And chooses not to put her child on meds but that some parents do because it's EASIER. I have a big problem with that reply. First, her child gets a one-on-one para-a very rare luxury that typical ADHA students don't normally get. Your son doesn't even remotely sound like he has these other conditions. Her son also gets OT. Another service your child probably wouldn't get. He also has his IEP. ADHD children typically get a 504, not an IEP. The IEP is stronger with more rights. Her son also gets sensory balls, etc.... Her child is in a TOTALLY DIFFERENT BALLFIELD than what your child sounds like! I encourage medication because it allows a child to learn how to control themselves and then try to get off of the medication. I'm ADD. I've been on Dexedrine so I know what I'm talking about.

Melissa - posted on 11/20/2009

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Quoting Kelli:

dicipline in school

My son, Reis, is 6 yearws old and in the 1st grade. They have cards that are pulled each day if there are any behavioral problems. Maximum four and you go to the Principal's office. Reis has never gotten that far, but he pulls cards daily for the same things over and over. It's talking, not being able to sit still, distracting others. I didn't realize the severity until I met with the teacher, and saw his desk separated from the rest of the class. I have taken away almost all of his privledges, and don't really know what else to do. I have talked to him until my face turns blue about the same thing over and over. He is no longer affected by having cards pulled. I think he's used to it being in his daily routine. I have rewarded him for positive behavior, and punished him for negative. What else do I do?


That is my son to the T.  Jesse is 6 and in 1st grade too.  We ended up taking parenting classes for anger management.  Not only for his anger but for our own.  That helped but he still had many of the same issues at school that you discribed.  Our last resort was to take him to a psychologist.  As we started working with her, she ended up diagnosing him as ADHD.  I was very upset.  Isnt that what they all say? Well after we did all the testing it was very severe.  We decided to put him on meds after talking to many people on both sides of the meds issue.  His pediatricion was very suportive and did her own testing and came up with the same result.  She asked us one simple question.  "Do you yell at him more than you enjoy his company?" Our answer was yes.  We then put him on meds.  It was the best thing we ever did.  He had fallen so far behind his classmates because he couldnt focus on what was being taught.  I also wrote his school a letter demanding a sit down to discuss his classroom issues.  The school was able to put a reward system in place just for him so that he would be rewarded throughout the day. He was also given extra time to run around if he couldnt sit still.  Dont let to much time go by before you take action.  Talk to the school, find out what they can do to help him and think about getting professional help.  I have my son back and he is happy, thriving at school, and we dont have any behavior issues.  Meds my not be what your child needs but you need to get support from the school and maybe for yourself. 



Missy

Traci - posted on 01/29/2011

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I'm with the others who suggest an ADHD assessment. I'm a teacher (thank you for not blaming his teacher) and I always tell parents who talk to me about this issue to ask themselves is the child's behavior negatively impacting his learning or social adjustment? If so then it's time to seek help.

Angie - posted on 11/21/2009

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First, thank you for not doing what I see so many parents doing here - blaming the school and the teacher. My daughter has a hard time sitting still at home (at school she's "great" according to her teacher). At home we put a balancing disk in her chair - you can find it in the workout section of Target or Walmart next to the yoga balls. It's a little disk with "nubbies" on one side. When she sits on that, she's better able to concentrate, see if his teacher would be supportive of you using one. My sister who teaches special ed uses it to help student concentrate better in her classroom.

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Mary Joe - posted on 01/30/2011

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Looks like he knows how far to push! Reminds me of the rule that says: If you want the child to mind you on the first time, only tell him once. If you want him to mind him on the 4th time, tell him 4 times. He knows how to stay out of the principal's office. Smart kid! Choose the worst behavior he has and work on it first. Charts work if done constantly. I used charts with some of the students in my class. I like the rewards to be minor things that add up to a large reward. I usually don't like to use food, but if it works it is worth doing to change the behavior.
Disipline can be good or bad. I like to call negative behavior as consequences of behavior. He does a certain behavior and a consequence happens. The consequence must be done calmly.
CONSEQUENSES: 4 R rule: They shoul be related, responsible, relevant and reasonable! Most misbehavior falls into about 4 or 5 things.
Choices: Like going somewhere, you chose 3 places and he choses one of the three. If he suggests something else you must say, "That is not one of your choices."
I believe in separating some children. One of my students sat by my desk all year so I could direct his attention to his work and not being funny all the time. He is now in his third year of college on a 4 year scholarship. I have watched him in 2 college bowl games on TV. If he was playing here and not out of state. He sends me thank you"s. He knew I did what I did because I loved him and still do. Remember at that age they are not very REASON ABLE. Keep in touch.

Melissa - posted on 01/30/2011

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To Traci M and others,
Thank you for your reply! I was the one that posted that I put my child on meds and it wasn't because it was easier. I have heard this response before many times from parents that decide not to medicate. It is a highly emotional decision for a parent to take the step to medicate. It was not a decision that was made lightly. I talked to many adults with ADHD that had been medicated and many that had not. My brother was one that was not medicated. Most of them wished they had been medicated because they felt they would have done better in school and would have learned more. The adults I talked to that had been on meds felt as though they were able to do better and seemed to be able to control themselves just fine in all situations. Being able to learn more, easier seemed like a win win to us. It has been a year since I posted my reply to Kelli and my son is doing fantastic! He is no longer in a normal public school do to his issues there but also because we moved to Mexico. He is in K12 virtual online school. If you dont know anything about online school and you have an ADHD child, I recommend you check it out. My son has been on the honor roll both semesters and has learned more than I could have dreamed. It's not homeschooling if that's what you may be thinking. Schooling is done at home but the rest is all online including attending classes. Its a very viable option for children with ADHD. It is still work for the parent but I have been able to tailor his education to him. We have also used motivational charts to help us get over hurdles but ended up only using them for a short time and then not needing them. Life is great now . My son now excepts affection which was always rejected before. He is well rounded and a happy boy. I hope that others are doing just as well. :)

Shandra - posted on 11/23/2009

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OMG!! Although I wasnt the one who wrote in to ask for help, I certainly got it. I knew I wasnt the only one. I think that boys are just naturally active. It takes some longer to settle down than others. His teacher has been a great help but I know she is frustrated with my son being the most active. Its to the point where he is a distraction. Angie I am going to try the disk with nubbies. And we use a reward system as well but I am going to modify it. He loves animals so I will use that. THANK YOU!! THANK YOU !! THANK YOU!!!

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My six year old son had a similar problem. I also tried discipline and rewards, but it all seemed to have little affect until I had a friend give me the following idea. I set up a chart (ours was decorated with a dog because he likes dogs a ton). He could earn a "bone" to tape to his chart for every subject (math, reading, homework etc) that he focused during and didn't cause trouble. He then cashed in his bones for Wii or computer time. I had to hold firm for the first few days. If he didn't earn bones then no Wii time. It only took him a few days to get motivated. We have been using the system for a year now and haven't had any more problems. On average he earns 30 minutes to an hour of video game time a day. I set the timer and when he has used up his earned minutes that the games go off. I think for my son he had to get motivated to change. He was proud to earn the computer time and it became a way for him to be in control of the outcome of his day. Anyway, hang in there. My son learned to get passed it (or outgrew it :)) I am sure yours will too!

Heidi - posted on 11/21/2009

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It sounds like my son, hes 9 now. He has tourettes, ADHD, OCD, and PDD. The thing you need to look at is the ADHD. My son also has a desk seperate from the other kids but they also know all about his problems and know hes different from the other children. My son was put on an IEP (individual education plan) in 1st grade after we got the dx and now they work with him and try different ways to help him try to do his best. He has a para profesional with him pretty much most of the day to help him stay on task and help him when he gets frusterated or to excited to pay attention and get back on task. He gets breaks at these times if he wants or if the teacher thinks hes disrupting the class. This year since hes older and starting to realize we r really trying to push him into recognizing when he needs a break before it gets to bad and he has to be asked to leave which makes him mad and makes it worse. he gets OT breaks and a sensory ball to fidget with. He has had many things in past years like a bungee cord to bounce his feet on or a squishy seat or wieghted vest or movement breaks were they have him do something like carry a crate with some books in it down the hall to help alieveat some of the hyperness. So there is alot they can do for him if they want to cooperate with you. But they might want a dx for a doc. to get the ball rolling. You can ask for a 504plan or an IEP and it is Law if they think it is interfearing with his learning they have to teat him at school and see if there is something they can put in place to help him learn better. I choose not to medicate my son because I think they interfear with him being able to learn to control himself because hes going to have to deal with this for the rest of his life but some people choose to medicate because its easier. The school system and the doctors will push meds and say there is no other way but after working with my son now for years he is now in 4th grade and he is doing the best ever! he is choosing to take his own breaks, to not get so upset and take deep breaths. He still has a para and has some trouble with disrupting and talking to much but he is doing 99.9% better this year than any other! It took alot of blood sweat and tears but we r so proud of him for working hard and getting better on his own. We also work with vitamins and supplements. Sometimes punishment doesnt work and you have to start doing your research and you'll start finding some answers! OK i'll stop for now but dont give up and good luck I hope this was helpful for you.

Sarah - posted on 11/21/2009

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I also have a six year old son. He was having problems with having a color change as well. What we started was a sticker chart where he got to put a sticker in the chart every day he did not have to change his color. After seven green days he gets to pick out a treat and after 21 green days he gets a big treat like going out for pizza or going to a bounce house. I found that it has helped him a great deal.

Rose - posted on 11/20/2009

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Does he need to be seen for hypertension or anxiety. Then again observe eis in the class room and study the teachers' technique and how he fits in wth the other children. Consider his environment at home, only child, spoiled, the disclipline practices you enforce. The type of relationship with his parents affect the relationship with adults period. Such as; soft spoken parents, yelling cursing and how the teacher speaks. At times I think the ruler in school was the most effective device and of course that stern voice.

Kate CP - posted on 11/20/2009

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I agree with Lydia. Too many (most) schools want to shove kids into a learning model and it just doesn't work that way. I would suggest you look into Montessori schools.

His behavior is because he's bored. He's not learning because he's not fitting into their "mold". Check out the Montessori method http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montessori_...
My daughter attends a Montessori school and it's working wonders.

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He isnt keeping his concentration - it may be that the material is too easy or too hard. It may be that he just needs to doo excercises to help him learn to concentrate for longer periods of time - could be worth talking to a child psychologist for tips to help him overcome the behaviour? :)

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Communicate with his teacher. There is always a reason for this behavior. Maybe the material is too hard or he's bored because it's too easy. I think it's sad that his desk is separated. I am a teacher and when I saw this behavior I always looked at myself first to see if my activities were the problem although you may not want to say that to his teacher :) Honestly his behavior seems like a normal 6 year old to me. I know he still has to learn to follow the rules so again talking with his teacher would be my best suggestion

Shelly - posted on 11/19/2009

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I had to reduce to bribs. little things $1 items. If you get x amount of days with no cards pulled you get x. or save for one big item but you have to show him that you have the item (do not promise then forget) it may take a little while to get the problem fixed. The next semester you can stop it.

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