did i do something bad...??????

Haley - posted on 12/27/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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i really want to be a cool mom but the boy she is with is a very bad influence and makes my daughter do things she dose not want to do so.. i told her to break up with him but she said no.

two weeks later i heard that she was going to a hotel party with him that night and i locked her in her room so she wont go but now she HATES me... WHAT SHOULD I DO?

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Stephanie - posted on 12/27/2013

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She deserves to have a little freedom but are you sure it's him who is being a bad influence and not her friends? You should invite him over for dinner and hotel party??? I think u did the right thing because you never know what could be happening and what they'll be doing. No need to worry just have a talk with the both of them and you can't be best friends with your daughter either. Lay down the rules but don't be too controlling because if there is a will...there is a way and she'll end up doing what she wants in the end.

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Sade S - posted on 12/28/2013

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I don't feel like you should put a barrier on her because she will resent you and rebell

[deleted account]

now I know I don't have a kid that age but since I am closer to her age maybe I can give some insight on her point of view. Maybe she would have responded better to talking instead of a lecture? Same message being given but different approach. Personally I think her response is correct for being locked up. Wouldn't you be upset if that happened to you? Maybe this boyfriend makes her feel mature and independent since she is doing what you don't want. She might know he is bad but could be staying with him just because.
I strongly believe is talking with parents since my mom always talked to me. Me and my brothers have never rebelled horrribly and are able to talk to our mom.
If you want to be a "cool" mom you can't swap rolls with uber controlling and being nice. There is a middle ground but maybe talk to her. She will understand your concerns but as a teenager she will feel upset she can't do what she wants, which is natural. I was more inclined to do what my mom wanted since I felt like she was on my side all the time. Disappointing her was more upsetting than punishment for me and still is.
Just try to talk.

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