did i do the right thing???

Lexi - posted on 11/20/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

5

0

0

Hey. I'm writing for some emotional support. I just wanted others input to see in others opinions if I did the right thing because we all know how crazy hormones are. Well 2 days ago I broke up with the father of my daughter. I am due Jan 25. I'm sad this had to happen before the holidays but I couldn't stress anymore. My whole pregnancy all we did was fight. My friend told me she saw him walking down the street all messed up. And he did hide the fact he did drugs until I caught he doping out one night. He claims he stopped my intuition tells me otherwise. I told him she saw h'm and he got hysterikocal and went to her work and confronted her. He then called my mom and was rambling to her for an hour about how he wants the baby on the weekend and he demands he be put on the birth certificate.
He works everyday yet is constantly broke. Him or his family has not bought even a headband for the baby. I got all her gear ..clothing...necessities...cradle...crib.
.everything..
so I'm not sure what he does with hos money but he doesn't pay bills or buy clothes.
He never wanted to help me and made it clear he doesn't have to @support me. He said he will tell the courts he is a dishwasher so he pays the minimum for support. Also he threw the fact he took me out a to eat a few times up in my face to no end and the fact he paid for a pedicure twice.
Did I do the right thing...
If he takes me to court for visits I'm concerned because his house is not clean and he has nothing she would need....advice please

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Denikka - posted on 11/20/2011

2,160

5

749

Start documenting everything.
I would definitely say that you did the right thing by leaving him.
He can't tell the courts that he's *just a dishwasher* and have them believe him. He'll need to enter in things like his pay stubs and his tax returns. So the only way that would work for him is to actually quit his job and BECOME a dishwasher. That is unless he's getting paid under the table, then there could be some issues.
You do not need to put him on the birth certificate. If you want child support, then yes. But putting him on doesn't automatically mean anything. IF he does take you to court for visitation, explain your issues to the judge. Tell the courts about the concern about cleanliness and ESPECIALLY tell them about the suspected drug use. If nothing else, you can request supervised visitation.

Be the best mom that you can be. Keep your place clean and child friendly.
Most importantly, document everything. Both sides. When he calls, texts, e-mails. Keep all text based communication and write down what he says over the phone or in person. And make sure you keep yourself clean. Don't freak out on him. Avoid swearing. DO NOT LAY A HAND ON HIM OR THROW ANYTHING AT HIM. Stay calm and collected. Do not get hostile. Give him NOTHING to use against you.

Other than that, good luck. Congratulations on your little one, I hope things work out for you :)

Jurnee - posted on 11/20/2011

3,790

22

110

document everything! also, you can ask for supervised visitation and a home study if you are worried about his living conditions. If you ask for a home study, they will probably do one on you too. We also had to meet with sometone, cant remember who, and fill out parenting questionairs, answer a few questions. My ex failed miserably on alll counts, took him 3 yrs to get regular visitation, and thats only becasue he got married, then he really never took advantage of his visitation. But the state still garnished his wages!

Medic - posted on 11/20/2011

3,922

19

552

Write everything down, just get a notebook and date and time every thing that is said, done, mailed ANYTHING. You can always ask for supervised visits if they insist on allowing visits. Do not question what you did, you made a decision now focus on you and your baby to be.

Sharlene - posted on 11/20/2011

3,896

241

825

They actually go off his taxes before paying taxes, You did the right thing and like Jennifer said document everything down and ask , And once baby is born get goverment payment and child support but dont let him get the better of you, Custody will get nasty so just prepare yourself for it as ,No off pass experience LOL, All the best with the baby and you just worry about yourself and the baby .cheers

Krista - posted on 11/21/2011

12,562

16

845

Yikes. Yeah...all the more reason for him to be NOWHERE near your baby. The fact that he has an assault charge from hurting your mom -- well, that does not bode well for him getting any sort of custody, that's for sure!!!

If you talk to legal aid, and let them know that you're scared to testify in court, they might have an alternative arrangement. Sometimes people can give video testimony. Talk to them, be as honest and open as you can, and find out what your options are.

Good luck -- and please keep us posted!

15 Comments

View replies by

Bonnie - posted on 11/21/2011

4,813

22

261

Well he sounds childish if you ask me. He needs to show he can support you and his child if he wants to be at all in her life.

Lexi - posted on 11/21/2011

5

0

0

Thanks...you have been so helpful. I am truly grateful. I didn't think asking him to take me out to eat shoulda been such a big deal but he sure made it out to be. A few weeks ago I paid for my own McDonald's and when I was upset. He didn't offer to pay he threw a tantrum to his mom and she said I was wrong too! And I shouldn't expect him to support me. I have so much resentment towards those people...

Bonnie - posted on 11/21/2011

4,813

22

261

It takes two to make a baby. Nothing at all wrong with wanting/expecting support.

Krista - posted on 11/21/2011

12,562

16

845

NO, it's not wrong. Not at all. I'm guessing you didn't break into his room in the middle of the night and steal his sperm. He was actively involved in the creation of that baby, so he does have an obligation to contribute to the baby's care and upbringing.

Lexi - posted on 11/21/2011

5

0

0

Is it wrong to think he should support and help me even though we aren't married?

Lexi - posted on 11/21/2011

5

0

0

Thanks so much ladies. I am going to stay strong for my baby. He does get paid under the table so I am not sure how this will work out... he hasn't bothered me in two days ...I changed my number...so hopefully this is the beginning of the end. Dec 14 he has court for simple assault cause in June he threw my mom up against the wall so part of his bail is no contact so he shouldn't have been talking to us in the first place. I don't wanna testify in court cause I think its too scary and stressful but that's all my pregnancy has become. But once again ladies thank you so much.

Krista - posted on 11/21/2011

12,562

16

845

Oh, and like the other girls said, document EVERYTHING. Save every email, every text, every phone message. Write down the details of every time anybody sees him messed up, or when he called your mother, or anything like that. Keep impeccable records. And like the others said, don't give the courts any reason to doubt your own parenting. Your place doesn't have to be fancy, but make sure it's safe, and make sure it's clean, and that you have the baby's necessities. Stay above it all, and don't give him anything he can use against you.

Krista - posted on 11/21/2011

12,562

16

845

Yes. You absolutely did the right thing. If he's all messed up on drugs, you do not want him anywhere near your baby.

My advice would be to contact legal aid. Tell them everything. I can't see any sensible judge allowing unsupervised visits. And regarding the child support issue, he'll need to provide proof of his employment and income, and they can verify that via his income tax files, so he can lie all he wants, but they'll find out.

And he paid for a couple of meals and pedicures for you. Whoop-dee-doo. Seriously. Does he want a medal?

You did the right thing. Stay far away from this guy, get yourself a lawyer, and don't be afraid to ask your family and friends for help.

Good luck, hon. You're doing the right thing, not exposing your little baby to that scene.

Bonnie - posted on 11/21/2011

4,813

22

261

You did the right thing. You don't want your child to be in an environment like that full time.

Stifler's - posted on 11/20/2011

15,141

154

604

Obviously he buys drugs and other shit for himself with his pay. You did the right thing by leaving.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms